I guess it's about time I wrote about what I learned over lent.

Today was good, and it wasn't as busy as I thought it would be, but it should have been. I will not have my Korean homework done on time. I got rid of a bunch of video games on my computer today, or, well, I locked them up. Some of those have some really rare cracks, and I wont lose them.

Hootenany practice today went well. lol, I feel like I was just noticed for the first time by my teamsters. I hadn't talked before then, and most of them didn't know about my commitment.

I got in touch with my mom, and I got some more financial aid related stuff done. My roommate just walked out of the room and turned on the light on his way out. The room feels warmer with it on, and I am uncomfortable all of the sudden.... I'm gonna go turn it off.

Learning the lyrics to this song I've had stuck in my head all day. He just came in and turned the light back on.

So lent. I gave up talking in order to become a better listener and to hopefully get some wisdom and closer to God out of the experience. I think I met that goal, but not alone of course. "What has love become?" I prayed alot for my friends and I asked God to help me to be a blessing to them, to show me what blessings are appropriate to give people. I asked God to give me a better appreciation for people, sortof. I kindof asked that indirectly, but the point came across I think. I asked God to help me to appreciate praise and to help me to praise him with my whole self. I finished Psalms near the end of my commitment, and I think that God used that to help me to understand how to think while I praise. Before Lent, I also struggled with how to think while I prayed in general. Like, how do I know who I am praying to? I would sit and I pray into this ethereal nothingness above me. When I pray, should I focus my prayers on the cross? no... that wouldn't make sense, because I shouldn't be praying to icons. Should I focus my thoughts on the space immediately above my head? no... that isn't God. "well, Zac, focus your thoughts on God". It isn't that simple. What is God, and where is he when I am praying? "Zac, He is all around you." "He is in heaven, listening." "He is everywhere." "Wherever two or more are gathered in His Name, there He will be also." Ok, so I have never seen heaven, and that might not even be a physical location. I can't imagine that God is there, and direct my prayers toward that location. I can't point my prayers at the sky, because I want to pray to God, not to the sky. Idk. Those just didn't do it for me. It sounds dumb, probably, but that is something I had an issue with. I just couldn't feel like I was really reaching God. It was like the song "I am starting to think that your voice was really my own, bouncing off the ceiling back to me. Do your clouds stop your voice?"... and while I can't say I came to an answer which I am capable of verbalizing, I think I found my answer to that.

I am still perfecting human relations, I think. I am still working out the difference between loving everyone (including my enemies) and being in love with someone, loving my family, being friendly with others, and tolerating everyone else. I think I made alot of progress with that. I have been much more talkative since I came out of lent. I think that is temporary --at least I hope so. I hate being a talker. I don't really like talkers either. I like people who are good conversationalists, but who can be quiet with me, and who can stop talking to enjoy the fresh air. The feeling of cool, clean air in your lungs, with your eyes closed... This room smells like quesadillas right now.

I got a few other things out of lent. I guess they can be summarized as "closer to God", but they are really more specific than that. I just can't really verbalize them.

I am going to quit and do some English homework and then some Korean homework (if I have time)

"I understand because our hearts are the same...Was that a smile?"