It is 1:00AM right now, but I don't have my early classes tomorrow :)

So there it is. It ended even more quickly than I thought, and now that it's over, it was too soon. Who really died here? ... Somehow, I think the drama is only half-way over. This will fade with the summer, and people will try not to think about it. They will just wonder...... and they might wonder forever. Like saying no to something spectacular .. but then keep telling yourself, "I live in a better place.... I am a better person.... I did the right thing" .... over and over until you have trained your head to keep that where it belongs. No matter how true it is (and it is all true) it's "just one of those things".

..... If I'm a good writer, then maybe that's mean of me to write here...

Today I took my physics test. I did better, because I studied a lot. Not enough, but hopefully I did better. Dear God, please, even in retrospect, repair my test. By your grace, give me a good grade, unless this is in your divine plan somehow. I cannot imagine. Your ways are so much better than mine. Maybe I will fail, and it will be what I have been praying for all along.

I have stressed myself into a fever, and I have a sore throat and a bad cough and headaches, but I keep telling myself "only a few more weeks". The body can do amazing things when given a deadline like that. I hope I hold out. My speech for English has been moved to next week.

I think I am done with my patterns for stars. Now I would like to turn it into a formula, but then I will take my "i%4==2" stars and learn to make that hourglass pattern I stumbled onto a while back. It was really cool looking, and I think it would make for some good sketches to hang on my wall later.... If I ever get around to it. I will definitely be bringing my sketchbook to PineCove.

Today I got a visit from my RD. He told me that I "have to" fill out the census. We kindof half argued for a second, mostly just me whining, but we compromised on me filling out the information accurately with the exception of my name. I changed my name to "person #1". Compromise is a good thing, because both sides get what they want, but when I do that over anything serious, I do feel like I am not getting everything I want <-- which, when I read it, seems really conceited (and alittle repetitive and confusing), but I mean it in the least conceited way possible. I just mean I feel like I am missing a part of the package I asked for.

...

Today I talked to student affairs about why I am not on the email list for study abroad. I went in there right after my physics test, and I was alittle emotional, so I teared up, but I am still official for Handong as far as I know. I just need to push through a few more pages of paperwork, and my parents REALLY need to get onto finding my passport. I need that copy like, by the end of this week. I think I will apologize for my teary..ness next time I see Ms. Martin. I feel like it was unprofessional of me.

My RA says he wants to read my blog. He says he has read them before and they were funny..... I don't remember writing anything funny. |||| I just looked over my old blogs. The only thing I could find that I thought was all that funny was the thing about parallelograms and sweeping generalizations (3-23)..... I guess......

Like I have written to the other people who ask to read my blog, I would appreciate if you didn't ever ask me about specific things I write in my blog in person. I don't want to have any "real-time" discussions about these things unless I bring them up, or unless you have learned about them elsewhere as well and something else brought it up. And even then, please don't reference my blog. As soon as I start caring what people think about the things I write here, my blog becomes useless as a place for me to vent.

Well.. I should let my roommate get to bed.

"Confirms my deepest held belief"