It seems like I say goodbye to all my good friends at the same place on campus. --that field by the Trinities. The past few times I walked by there, even though I didn't say goodbye to someone, I felt like I was losing something. It wasn't something big, and it wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but it has become a habit.

I sit across from some Korean exchange students in discrete, and I have always wanted to say hi to them. Today after class, when I stood up, the girl across the row was staring me straight in the eyes and smiling. I was speechless for a second, I mean, she really is pretty, so I just looked back and smiled until something happened and the moment ended. It was kindof prolonged, though. I think it was deliberate on her part. We weren't far from each other in the hallway walking out, but she was with her friend and I was with mine. I said something to my friend and she turned around like she thought it was to her for a second. I was scared to talk to her for some reason... I am going to make a point of saying hi next time I have an opportunity, or after next class, whichever comes first.

Today I wished I was in a bigger field. I remember being in Germany. There was a sunflower field down the road in Vilseck, and when we went to it, it was all we could see in every direction. That might be my favorite memory... running with my dog in that field. It was beautiful, and I was like 9 years old.

There is so much drama going on right now. To be honest, it makes me more afraid. I am not afraid for myself, but for my friends. God, you are in control.

I practiced piano today for only the second time since my last lesson. It was really nice. I need to put a lot more work into that song, "A Winter Story".

My Korean practice has not been doing much better. I practiced Korean for only the second time since my last lesson. I got a lot more done this time, but I am far from finished.

I think I might not make as many womanizing jokes anymore. I mean.... sometimes, but recently I felt convicted because while the jokes can be funny, they reflect a horrible part of our history. I have too many good friends who are girls, and the thought of them being hurt in any way almost make me cry, even though I am sure they are safe. (and always hope so)

I think similarly about threatening jokes.... I don't think I will make those anymore.

Speaking of verbal abuse, I got in a few short arguments with the person across the hall today or yesterday, and I felt really vicious during one of them. I feel sortof bad about that.

I still feel a silence like when I was not talking. It's a small, awkward feeling between me and my friends whenever we talk, and it makes me hesitate about everything.

"I can't keep up, because you're so far gone."