So, earlier today I was reminded of a dream I had a long time ago, and I remember it, because when I told my mom about it, she started making a slightly bigger deal about me writing my dreams down. Not so much bigger, but it seems to have made an impression enough for me to remember it.

In the dream, I am standing in a crowd, and I am a part of the crowd, and nobody knows each other. It's like new years eve in time square or something, only it's daytime in my dream. So I am standing there, and I feel something wet running down my arm, and my hands start to burn. I look down at my arm and see that I am turning very red, and there is blood coming out of my sleeve. While I am watching my hands, blood starts to come out of every pore, it looks splotchy and speckled at first, but eventually I am soaked. I start to fall sideways, and I see the person I am about to fall on step out of the way hurriedly and frightened, and then I wake up.

I spoke with my physics professor, and things aren't turning out so bad after all. God has blessed me.

My piano teacher forgot that we had lesson today. I called her an hour or two before to see if it was still happening and she said "yes" and I told her if she didn't want to have a lesson anytime just to tell me. She excitedly told me that of course she wants to have lessons and she would let me know if she didn't want to. So I waited and practiced for 30 minutes into the lesson time (which was originally 7:00), then sent her a text. She apologized and rescheduled for 8, so I sat around and practiced. She showed up on time and apologized enthusiastically, several times, and I was just like "it's fine! it's fine!". She is a really good friend.

I was supposed to ask her to go to that movie tonight, but I didn't. I'm such a chicken. I wouldn't ask her anywhere unless I thought she might like me, and I am almost positive she doesn't. Not that I really wan't her as a girlfriend, though... I mean, don't misinterpret that. She is just great. I mean, really awesome. If I thought she liked me back, I would probably ask her out in a heartbeat, but since I don't, I value her friendship alot, and I am kindof at a stage in my life right now where I am kindof telling myself that I don't want to actively try to get a girlfriend, but if one comes to me then maybe. I really don't want a girlfriend, but honestly, I am so easily swayed, I'm pretty sure most of the girls I know could get me to ask them out if they wanted; and it's just that. I shouldn't be that way. I am really happy with the friends I have; it's just hard to remember that sometimes.

A girl is graduating in 40 days. I had set my calendar to notify me 40 days in advance so I could buy plane tickets. That was back we thought we loved each other; when we thought we knew each other. It stirred up some emotions. Every time I think I am done thinking about that, something pops up and throws me through a loop. I am not as easily hurt by it as I was, but it still hurts, and the fact that it hurts at all is really selfish of me. She moved on to someone else, why can't I? and if I really loved her, I would be happy that she is happy... wouldn't I? I've had a few girlfriends before, and breaking up with them didn't leave emotions that lasted this long. I am still feeling withdraws from our conversations. We talked every day, and I felt it becoming strained as our conversations neared a close, but I didn't even think of why it could be. Why didn't she just tell me at the very beginning? .... and... on the other hand, somehow I think, in the back of my mind, I knew all along.

I can't win with girls. Changing subject.

God is closing doors for me. Dear God, thank you so much.

Tomorrow is an important day for me. God, please, please, please bless it. You know exactly what I mean, and I need you badly. God, I will do anything you ask, (because every plan of yours is good,) but I pray in your Holy Son's name, Jesus, that you would make this happen for me.

"That will never change"