So I woke up tired. I tossed and turned all night, dreaming about people being disappointed with me. I worry about that too much. How do you stop worrying about something like that? (story of my life). There are too many logical trains of thought for which the only outcome is that I shouldn't care at all what other people think. Why then, is it so hard to not think about it. It even effects the way I dress, which is just stupid. I mean, as long as I am clothed it shouldn't matter. I really don't have any pants that don't match my shirts (because they all look like crap to begin with).
So enough of that. LEGOs was ok, but after that cerebral palsy video I had had enough of the guilt trips. Then, having chapel right after that, I actually got mad that they showed the scenes from Passion of the Christ where Jesus was getting beaten half-to-death. But seriously, they do their best to shock us out of our systems at every single chapel. To traumatize us with as horrific a spectacle as they can muster with a week's notice. As if we don't realize that crappy stuff happens, but what can we do? If we haven't gone on missions trips knowing what we know now, more hellfire won't make us go (unless we are planning to go next time, then who knows). Do they expect us to quit school and go rescue those girls in whatever country where all that unmentionable crap happens? I don't know. They just make me angry at the world. It might be cool if they did that to us every once in a while, but seeing it every other day? Hitler said "If you tell someone something every day, they will start to believe it" -- a statement which has been proven by modern psychology according to my highschool dual-enrollment psych prof. All they are doing is anesthetizing us.
After that I went to discrete math. I have a D. I don't understand how I am getting that grade. I study the material. When I take the test, I KNOW the answers. They make perfect sense to me and I recall examples from the book with such a perception of clarity. I am going to ask to see my most recent quiz.
Then I did some physics and went to cosc. That was fun. In fact, after that my day really brightened up. I had a really great time with my Korean teacher at dinner. It was the best time I've had in a while. I really needed it. Before our lesson, we talked for a while and then she was like "instead of a lesson today, lets just check your homework and have some free time, but still learn about Korea". So we did that. She wanted to show me some Korean music. We walked and talked to Spear Chapel, but it was taken, so we went to Belcher and sat in one of the practice rooms and took turns playing songs on the piano. It was alof of fun. like a dream. She sang in Korean while she played, which was just gorgeous. I don't know many songs, but she seemed to like them. It was great, too, because it was "real". I mean, she has a boyfriend. Like, it wasn't under any kind of dating pretense.. Anyway, that was great. Why can't all girls be that way.
"Don't try to swim to shore, because you can't make it back. Say three words like they are the last you will ever speak."