it's tonight.

so this is really nerdy, but i like this quote:

"I'll be waiting for you so... If you come here... you'll find me... I promise"

and I wonder why people like that idea... waiting for a person who you love for so long... I guess it means that you really love them... but.... yeah, i guess it totally makes sense that people like the idea... I wish I liked it a bit less, because whether we realize it or not, we change. and it hurts.

I really should move on. that was like a month ago, and I still feel it... I guess that's just another piece of the melodrama that is my life.

... I shouldn't discredit myself so much, but if I give myself any credit at all, then I am building myself up; working towards a worse end: conceit. Is it better to destroy my self esteem? How does one find middle ground?

It's funny blogging about this. I am almost positive nobody reads this blog, and I wouldn't write in it so much if I thought that it had regular readers who I knew.. but I still post this online for the whole world to see if they look for it. why? not because I want the attention... not because I want anyone at all to know how I am feeling... maybe I just want really badly to know someone who completely understands and knows the way I feel. Someone who feels exactly the same way. In fact, I think maybe I have wanted that so badly that I have projected some of my own insecurities onto people around me. Come to find out, not with much inaccuracy, but carelessly nonetheless.

Kinda makes me feel useless. My introspection and observations will not help anyone, because there are few, if any, who feel this way, and if there are, then people shouldn't be so afraid to talk about it, so that nobody feels alone. If I finish college, I will design computer parts which will more effectively, more efficiently, glue people to chairs. Did you know that (and this is a legitimate statistic. My roommate was studying it for class) that one of the highest causes of death in the US (like top 5) is fat, lazy, inactivity? What a bunch of losers we are. In all our millions of people, we apparently feel unable to make some of life's most obvious decisions (like... wear a seatbelt. honestly? we are being pulled over for this? i'm not even going to argue about it), so we elect leaders to make our decisions for us --our best and brightest, elected from among one of the largest selection pools in the world, to carry our entire nation into the future. To ensure a better, and brighter tomorrow, and... well.... obama get's put into office.