Today I thought of something really profound, and I remember wanting to blog about it, but I didn't write it down, and I'm not thinking straight right now for no apparent reason. I just remember, that I didn't want to write about adventure anymore, because society has enough problems without me pointing them out all the time, and I didn't want my blog to have that as a theme.
I was googling the lyrics to a song that I don't know the name of, and I came across an interesting blog. A really poetic girl, a deep thinker. I'm glad I caught it. (good taste in music, too) I'm following that now.
Tonight, I am feeling strangely hurt. I guess it's to be expected, because of some things that happened recently... but... *sigh* my heart beats so slowly and heavily right now. I can't hear my own thoughts over my pulse in my ears. maybe not so strangely, but just... i cant keep this up... i feel like i am lying to so many people about the way i feel. I don't have any confidants, and it's especially hard without talking. heh. .. I called military onesource and talked to a counselor the other week, but.. i dont know what happened. i couldnt talk to them. It was like talking to anyone else I don't know. "i'm good" "nothing is up" "school, just like every other day" "and how are you?"
i cant stop thinking that i dont belong here... or.. that i dont 'want' to belong here. is it that i hate everyone and everything else and like the way i am? or... do i love everything and hate myself? a servant cannot serve two masters, can he? hahaha i hear right now: "the river wept for you, zion. the stones cry out, bells shake the sky! all creation groans.... shhhh... listen to it"
No comments:
Post a Comment