I had a dream a week or so ago where God told me to read Peter and then Revelation. I read 1st and 2nd Peter already and I'm reading Revelation. I was reading the letters to the 7 churches tonight, and I was convicted about taking food out of the refrigerator. Stealing is wrong, so this semester I'm not gonna do that anymore. On a possibly unrelated note, I'm not gonna get Brink. I had this epiphany when it was at ~20%, so in order to be true to myself and to God, I had to stop it and deleted the stuff from it. That means that I won't be getting the new Coldplay album or the Triplets of Belleville.

...

Oh wait....

Dan and Steph got me an iTunes gift card!! :D I will use that to get Coldplay and the Triplets of Belleville. :D

Man... does God provide or what?!

:D

Dan and Steph and Gwen and Lainey and Jess all left today. My birthday was awesome yesterday :D they all made it super special^^. Chowon has talked to me more lately, which makes me very happy^^. She's just the best.

So this week has been awesome! I almost don't have enough energy to stay up until midnight tonight. I set an alarm for midnight just in case.

"Zac, I'm eating Simba!!!!!"

Tomorrow is my 21st B-day X) And you know what THAT means...... It means I get to not have any fun because nobody at LeTU ever read the part of the Bible where it says Jesus drank wine. (jk. My family seems to have something fun and ambiguous planned for it)

Working on getting the PC game RAGE. It looks kinda good. After that, on the agenda is Bullet Storm, Brink, and Red Dead Redemption.

Chowon's package hasn't arrived yet. I'm eager to get it^^

Many of the foreigners who went to HGU with me seem to be making trips back. I wish I had more money... I owe God 16$. I can't seem to find an outlet for that. I don't trust most "new" churches I attend to put my money where it belongs, and I'm not regular anywhere. I should really fix that.

Dad's a big proponent of Utah jobs. He makes some convincing points.

How often do school refund checks come in?


Oh yeah! Skiing! We went skiing yesterday from 9am to 9pm. I'm sore all over my body, but it was a blast. All the double blacks were closed at Sundance, so Dan and I could only do single blacks, blues, and greens. Probably for the better; it was pretty icy and the snow cover was super thin. We took the blacks much faster this year than last year, and I only wiped out twice haha -- but I'd say that's pretty good for a whole day. My skis were much better quality this year, too. They didn't pop off when I was rough on them. Steph didn't have the patience to fall down until she got better. She said she just wasn't interested enough in skiing to work hard at it, even though Dan offered to stay on the easy slopes with her. She didn't have any fun. It's cool, though. I guess it's not for everyone.

Didn't get many pictures this year, but I got a few. I'll include them in my next mass Facebook pic upload.

"You can talk to the horsey?"

Christmas is almost over! It'll probably be finished before I finish this blog.

This year I got everything I could ask for^^ I even got an FE review manual!! ~which is totally ballin. I'll be powerin through that in some of my spare time for sure.

Oh! Chowon just texted me to get on Skype! Be back soon :D

...

Re. She Skyped with me earlier today^^ and she looked beautiful. Sometimes I wonder if our conversations are better when we can't see each other.

I don't think I've ever put this much effort into being attentive to signs of a girl's mood or thoughts. Is it because I'm especially attached to Chowon? It struck me the other day that it might be because of the meeting I had with Lani at the end of last summer. She told me that when she broke up with me (not the time she had another boyfriend. It's complicated.) it was because it didn't seem like I was putting out much effort toward the relationship. I sure hope Chowon never feels like I don't care about her. ... I'm gonna try to find another gift idea....

Interesting to me that Lani hasn't crossed my mind since that meeting.. except when I think about the way Chowon tried to compare herself to her after our talk about previous bfs and gfs. She said that based on some fb pics she thought Lani was more pretty. I wasn't even about to go down that road, and I'm still not. Physical beauty fades, but as long as I'm with Chowon she needn't compare herself with anyone else.

but anyway.. about Christmas.

Gwen was super cute today!!!!! And so was Lainey!!!!!!!! Mom borrowed two hamsters for them to play with, and Gwen absolutely loved them. Lainey is such a happy baby. She would sit there smiling quietly, and then whenever anyone came to give her attention, or whenever we had her sitting on our laps during other activities, she'd smile real big and make a loud happy noise just because she was a part of the group^^

I wish I were living near Dan and Steph so I could have access to those kids all the time. Gwen is learning so fast! I can't wait to meet the young lady she becomes!

Well, I should really get to sleep.

"It doesn't have very many fans."

Today my brother and sister have arrived. I've downloaded ~ 60 gigs of fun for this coming semester. Still more to come.

Tomorrow is Christmas eve... Being near the fireplace makes me wish I had Chowon sitting next to me.

I was way more hyped by Gwen's appearance than I thought I'd be. Mom and I kneeled down to talk to her, and Mom asked her for a hug a couple times but she was too shy. Then I asked for a hug and she gave me one. I felt kinda bad, so I let mom play with her solo for a little while and build that relationship. It made me super happy to know that Gwen feels close to me, though. Gwen's affection is easily one of my favorite things, and the thought that I'm doing well as an uncle is completely heart-warming.

On the way back from the airport with Jessica, we went through a drive-through at some Mexican restaurant. Mom did a rolling stop at the menu board, saying "they aren't answering, I wonder if they're open..." and then pulled up to the check out window and waited there for someone to come up. A man came to the window and asked "Can I help you?" and she said "Are you open?" he said "Yeah" and my mom was like "Well, can you just give us some burritos or something?" The whole time, my sister and I were trying to tell my mom she was doing it wrong and to go back, and immediately above the car by the checkout window was a huge sign saying "Open 24 hours!". Jess and I were practically yelling "Don't you know how to use a drive-through?!" and mom said "Well, I've never been to a Mexican drive through before!". So the guy at the window says "Why don't you have a look at the menu?" and so amid my sister and I calling out at her, she pulled around again and did it right.

It's been a rough day for mom. This morning she was pretty much freaking out trying to prepare the house for Dan+fam and Jess. She deserves a good night sleep, but I have a feeling she won't get it. In effort to give Dan and Steph a break she's put both Gwen and Lainey in cribs in her own room with dad... I'll try to make things easy for her the next few days.

...

Mom just pulled out a huge valentines care-package she made without me knowing and then forgot to mail to Hyewon forever ago. I'm so so glad she didn't mail that... Whew.. She has a way of causing trouble between me and girls without trying. I can't imagine the trouble that would have caused me.

"It was from me."

This week I feel like I've been stuck in one of three moods: Boredom, anticipation, grouchiness.

Boredom because there's nothing to do; I don't have a key to the house so I can't leave because I can't lock the door behind me; I don't have a car; none of the computers around here are good for video games; there aren't any broken electronics around here for me to fix (Already fixed Dad's computer, and even if there were mom would have a fit about the mess I'd make fixing it). I don't even have material to study. I need a curriculum!! Where are my classes?!?!?!

Anticipation because soon Dan and Steph and Jess will get here and then stuff will start happening; and I will see Chowon soon!!

Grouchiness because I'm bored; I'm worried about Chowon; Protect IP; I'm stuck in this house; and whenever I find something to do mom finds a chore to interrupt it. Next year I'm gonna schedule my flights around Dan and Jess. They are all flying in on the same day, which is an awesome idea.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my mom... but she and I don't communicate well at all... and sometimes she does stuff and I can't tell if she's serious or if she's just trying to annoy me. Like for example, she points out every instance of anything Asian anywhere always. "Look Zac, there's an Asian girl, just like Chowon!" "Oh I see, mom! Asian girls exist in the U.S., too!"; "Look Zac! an Asian restaurant! Did they have that in Korea?" "Yes, mom. They had Asian restaurants all over Korea. No they didn't have that one. It says Chinese anyway."; Oh, and the worst one: "Look Zac, there's Asians in this movie!" "Mom, those people are Hispanic."

Starting tomorrow, I'm gonna get back into Korean language lessons, run laps around the living room, and bump piano practice to 2 hours per day. That should keep me busy.

...

... oh dang... Dan and Steph get here tomorrow... oh well. That doesn't mean I can't get back into Korean lessons.

Nevermind.

Kinda nerved out with texting Chowon good morning and good night. She texted me telling me that she was going to sleep, which was kinda sweet. Everything she's been doing lately seem so perfect... and this week I have 19 hits from Korea, and I have 19 mobile browser hits, so I really wonder if she reads this. I think that gust of wind is past now, and I'll give it another shot. I don't think I'll do "Good Night"s though. I can't know if she's going to bed or not.

Kinda embarrassed by how long these blogs are getting....... They might get shorter tomorrow night when Dan and Steph and Lainey and Gwen and Jess are here....

"As my stand-in"

I worry sometimes that I express myself in such a way as to convey more emotion than exists within me, or that I experience more emotion than I aught to convey... or something like that. Idk.

This morning Chowon texted me saying just "hey..." and I was asleep at the time so I didn't get it. The alarm I set to wake me up early didn't wake me today, and so I forgot to reset it and completely forgot to send a good morning or good night. Maybe for the better. Anyway, she sent that text message and I didn't respond until later, and I was a little worried 'cause she said she's sick and all. I waited pretty much all day. She hadn't responded. I checked my email and she had sent me one saying that she will be even more busy these next few days. I responded saying I can't tell her what to do, but I want her to be healthy. I said her health is more important than her performance on this project, and maybe a 2 or 3 hour nap each night wouldn't hurt the project anyway. I hope it didn't come across like I was putting down her efforts. She works so hard and achieves good results. I'm really proud of her and I want her to succeed, but even more than that I want her to be healthy and happy. If she does not have sleep, then how can her emotions be well thought-out? I would never reject her based on her state (with regard to rest). But as I get to know her more, I want to see and learn about her when she can think clearly -- as opposed to when she hasn't slept in 3 days and has a cold because of it.

Later in the day I was kinda worried and she hadn't texted back, so I texted her saying "Is everything alright?" and she responded "I'm ok! don't worry".
... Man, Idk. I feel like such a wimp worrying about little things like this. I'm still worried about her health, but right now I just hope I didn't annoy her.

Today I met some of my mom's friends. They were really cool people. Almost talked me into getting WoW. ... Can you believe Skyrim is on TPB already???? I shouldn't be surprised. I don't think I'll be getting it for another year or two, though. A) I generally don't like things with lots of hype. B) It having so much hype, chances of getting caught are probably pretty nasty. I'd rather wait and either buy it when it's cheap or take my chances when the hype is gone... I can probably find it on sneakernet anyway.

"A caught thief is always an amateur."

Got to play some LoL today with friends from LeTU^^ It was good to talk a little with them. Still don't have enough IP for a new champ, and my ping is so high that it's almost not worth trying... but I'd say I didn't do all that bad. I was something like 2.8.20 with Yorick or something like that.... We lost the game, but that was mostly because Tyler Antcliff quit.

Also, this morning, I got to wake up to Chowon's voice^^ She woke me with a text and then we got to Skype for 10 mins. It was just great. I did the "good morning" thing for the first time today and she responded a few hours later thanking me. I wasn't sure if I aught to respond, because I didn't want her to feel obligated to keep up a convo since she's so busy. Maybe if she thanks me again next time I will.

Watched "I Love You Phillip Morris" with mom today..... NOT what we were expecting at all. From the cover, we were pretty sure it'd be a funny Jim Carry movie.... but it was a gay romantic comedy. [er.. umm... insert disclaimer of political correctness here]. But yeah, definitely gay. They didn't "show" anything... so I finished the movie... albeit I did >> through a few of their interactions... The humor was witty and fun, though. If you're a little homophobic like me, then I don't recommend it... but if you're not, then it's a good movie.


Also saw a commercial for "The Human Centipede". Seemed traditional enough of a horror flick. Skimmed the plot on Wikipedia to see how it ended.

I am officially appalled.

(Guilty secret: I don't like grotesque horror movies, like "The Hills Have Eyes", so I skim their plots so that I'll know what people are talking about and won't wonder if the good guy lives).

Sooooo yeah. I don't think I've been that disgusted since watching 2 girls 1 cup -- and I didn't even watch the movie this time. Definitely not watching it ever. I hope Tom Six gets kicked in the sack.

"Maybe next time."

Had a dream last night that I was working at a company which signed people's souls into heaven like it was some "dead-person hotel". Every now and then someone would break some rule or something ambiguous that wasn't really well thought through in my dream and we'd have to leave our posts and go down to where living people are and kill them. In my dream, someone broke a rule right before I got a text message. I woke up for the text message, but I could feel myself in the dream. I wanted to go back to sleep, but someone in my dream said "We have to go down anyway. You might as well answer the text message and get paid for it."
So I woke up and went to answer the message... and then I realized, I'm not getting paid for this. It's a dream. And now I'm too awake to get back to sleep kk. But it was ok^^ It was a text from my girlfriend.

"no punctuation no capitalization"

Today I went Christmas shopping for my family. Also, Chowon texted me for the first time in a few days. I miss her especially a lot these past few days. We had planned to see each other every day this week, but we haven't had much conversation at all.

After a lot of thought on the semi-one-sidedness of our conversations lately.... (I've written and rewritten this post) I decided that it's totally ok. She is working hard. I remember how stressful it was to go to Korea for the first time, and I believe that she is under as much or more stress given the nature of her circumstances. On top of that, she's working hard to what end? To come and see me for ten days^^. Furthermore due to the strong contrast between the last week of school and my time here (tons of work vs nothing to do all week) I'm sitting here with nothing to do but brood so my instincts are not reliable.

So, what I decided to do is: {Oh, btw, Dylan Apple texted me yesterday and broke the loneliness. Thanks Dylan. I didn't have to go piano hunting at the mall.} ... Oh. Ok. So what I decided to do, or more, what I decided not to do... I'm not gonna stop texting her. My impulse is to think "It's her turn to text me." But on the other hand... I'm the man, right? It's my job to pursue. One or two texts per day is not weird since it's to my girlfriend (sans response: alittle). And since she isn't available lately I won't ask her questions in them, because I don't want to put more pressure on her to remember if she's in a meeting and can't answer. I'm gonna text her "Good morning"s and "Good night"s each day. Maybe they'll keep her cheery^^.

Tonight it's 2AM in Utah and 6PM in Korea. Not really time for me to say good night to her, and I'm gonna have to wake at 7AM to send her good nights on time. So I'm gonna start going to bed earlier and waking earlier. Starting tomorrow night... Good mornings at 9AM in Korea, 5PM in Utah..

Hopefully this resolution means I'll be blogging on some other topics, too, from now on.

"God, where should I start?"

Enjoying the free time at Mom and Dad's, but really there's nothing to do at home. Mom and dad work for most of the day still, and I'm not quite used to the Utah weather to just go walking around, and I don't have the money to go shopping right now, because I want to have some left over when Chowon comes to Texas.

So... I've been sitting and thinking most of these days. I try not to think too much about last semester, because it makes me confront difficult questions... like What the heck am I gonna do about AO? I can't handle the way [some of them at least] get worked up over trivial things -- almost to the point where it seems they've integrated that vapidity into their self-image. ... and What's gonna happen with my roommate situation next semester? Damien wants to room with me and that's cool if Freddy doesn't... but I do kinda like rooming with Freddy and Damien is weird about Chowon... and Will Dr. Anderson or Armstrong or whoevertheheck finally respond to any of my emails?!?!?!?! Two professors have given me permission to enter their classes even though they are full, and they told me that he had the power to let me in given their consent, however, he will not respond to my emails.

*frustrated*

...

*sigh*

...

The imminent arrival of Dan and Steph and Gwen and Lainey and Jess doesn't hold my attention for very long. I'm excited about it, but I know it's gonna happen and I know that it's gonna be fun and the only thing on my mind about it is that I have yet to wait.

The Bible only stays on my mind for as long as I'm thinking about it. I wonder if there's a way for me to combat that...


Anyway the point is the past few days I've been stuck inside thinking all day. Chowon hasn't been responding to my texts, but she says she wants to talk to me and to see me.... I wonder what she is thinking about... I wish I could hear her voice over the phone...lol the sound of her breathing always changes to give away her mood. Sometimes, though, I wonder if she tells me what's really going on when she's unhappy.

I wish I had more to talk about with my friends from LeTU. Most of those friendships seem kindof shallow... I wonder if anyone there feels emotionally connected to me, like as if I am more than just an acquaintance. I wonder if that shallowness is something I've designed. Like... I mean... when I go out to the lobby to talk to people I usually just say a few words and then leave... There's always so many people there and I get nervous... and when there's just a few people there they are a couple and make me feel awkward or they are busy studying and I don't want to interrupt. Damien really is cool, but it's almost like he's trying hard to generate a close friendship with me and it freaks me out... I mean.... we've known each other long enough to be close I guess, and I like being around him when he's not forgetting how to take a joke... I think I want some more closeness with people at LeTU, but I just can't grasp it... Like I'm living commensalistically, and there's some one-sided barrier where I receive friendship and then remain neutral... I'll conduct some social experiments upon returning and see if I can deduce anything about my ability to perform social mutualistic symbiosis. o.o

"I think what made you think that was...."


ETA: You know what... come to think of it... I don't remember wishing more closeness when I was at LeTU; at least not much like now. I've decided that this emotion (a state of insecurity about my social adeptness due to prolonged lack of contact with friends) shall be called loneliness. I'm lonely. Send me a text message.

Solution sans friends who text me: Tomorrow I will go talk to local store clerks and see if I can find a public piano to play on. With any luck, this may establish my presence with the locals as a potential acquaintance existing in Utah.

My face wasn't quite as swollen as I expected when time came to Skype with Chowon. Now getting ready for church. Mom and dad swear by this church, so I'm quite interested to see if the pastor is really all that.

Finished downloading Ghost in the Shell and Space Ghost C2C (box set 2??) and most of Inuyasha. After those are finished I'm gonna get all 9000 seasons of Dragon Ball Z (just the normal series, none of this GT whatever). While that's going, next on my list is: Perfect Blue, Ninja Scroll, Totoro, Karas: The Prophecy, and Sword of the Stranger.

I figure that'll give me plenty to do next semester in between classes. I might get Lost, too, now that I think about it....

Oh well, time to get going.

Probably won't be able to blog tonight. Just wasting time now before I go to the dentist.

Last night I talked to Chowon and she said she wanted to Skype tomorrow evening (usa time). I told her I wasn't so sure because my face would be super swollen. This morning, though I thought some more about it and the question came to me: can I overcome my pride to see her? Isn't that the root of the issue after all? Pride. We haven't seen each other in so long... a few moments seeing her will be well worth the embarrassment, and it isn't like my mom and dad won't be making fun of me the whole time my face is swollen anyway. They've started already.

I had a dream that Chowon's flight back to Korea was canceled due to another plane crashing nearby. When she came back through Security I could tell she was a bit scared so I ran over to give her a hug, but she had become very tall. I had to stand on a chair to hug her, but I did and after a moment she came back down to normal size./*haha seems like all my dreams about her have just been excuses to give her a hug*/

She's almost all I've been thinking about lately. I mean, of course I do all my daily stuff, and I've been studying the Bible better lately, but every time I have a moment my thoughts turn to her. I wonder... Its something many of us want, but it's hard to attain: that we would be that way about God. The thing is, though, even with people this infatuation won't last forever. Did I ever have it for God? Maybe with some self-examination I can reproduce the feeling.. I think it has to do with how there's a lot that I want to know about Chowon and about the way things will be. With God, there's lots I want to know too, but I've come to terms with the fact that he'll let me know when he feels like it and not a moment sooner. With Chowon, for example, I will know how our first meeting will play out as soon as we have it, and it looks like that will be in January. So until then I just have to be anxious. Is it normal to think about her that often?

"You don't know how many times I wanted to call you"

Tomorrow I get my wisdom teeth out, and this dentist wants to swap out a few of my fillings for some of a different material or something. Insurance pretty much covers it, so we're going for it. It's going to be an unpleasant experience.

Went to a couple parties with my mom's work friends today. They all seem like really nice people, and I think I did ok responding to them. Usually in positions like that I blank out because of all the people, but this time they just weren't talking about anything I cared about.

Jess and Dan and Steph and Gwen and Lainey are coming soon. I think that this apartment is big enough for all of us.

Using Ubuntu pretty exclusively lately. I'm thinking about removing windows from my Laptop altogether. Windows has a way of getting slower as time goes on, whether you install new software or not. My laptop just isn't cutting it. I think I'll try Skyping with Chowon in Linux once just to make sure it works, and then I'll begin the process of backing up my crap and removing Windows. The only thing I really used Windows exclusively for on this was Games, and since Windows is so slow now, That's been reduced just to pre-2004 games -- most of which I can use Dosbox or Wine for. Especially the ones that don't need a mouse, (like not Starcraft,) because playing mouse games on a netbook with no mouse sucks anyway. But now I have IDE's for both Java and C++ as well as 2D (supporting quadratic) and 3D graphing software on Ubuntu so I can even bring this to class and it will be useful. Next step: find something to deal with Matrices for me for Linear next semester. Maybe I can write something in Excel to do that....

Sometimes I wonder if I contact Chowon too much. I text her something like... 7/10 days... Idk, though. She's got a lot on her plate, and she's doing a lot of work just to come and see me. I want to make sure she doesn't forget that I appreciate it and that I'm thankful for her. Sometimes she makes it sound like she studies 14+ hours per day solid for days or weeks at a time. I know it's hard for her, and It makes me really really want to be there for her. I don't know what I'd do if I were there... Maybe just make her some tea and then get out of her way while she did work, or maybe make sure she took a break now and then so she didn't go crazy, or give her a shoulder massage to keep her relaxed, or go over flash cards, or maybe check some of her English work. I doubt I could grasp all of what she knows enough to be useful to her.

Hmm....It's about time for me to get to bed.

"Loves raisin cakes"

Day two back at home. Accidentally removed panels and all window manipulation from ubuntu on my laptop. Spent an exaggerated portion of the day fixing that. Finished fixing my parents computers -- should be faster than ever now.

Went to a live showing of Scrooge last night. It was really fun^^ Mom says one of the actors might be coming over for Christmas. After the show I got a call from Chowon^^ As always, it was good. She did well on the exam that she was worried about^^ I'm real proud of her.

I had a dream last night that she came to my school, and that for some reason Hyewon showed up while she was there. Hyewon was confused and angry with me over something, and despite my best efforts I couldn't reconcile with her. I guess I can't be on good terms with everyone at once. Half-way through the dream I realized that while I was trying to resolve the situation with Hyewon I was not with Chowon, and our precious time was ticking away. Chowon, perceiving my distractedness as disinterest, asked me what I thought about breaking up. In my dream, I hugged her tightly and apologized genuinely, and we didn't break up. The rest of the dream was a pleasant conversation between the two of us about nothing. I guess it's my nervousness manifesting itself to me. I'm happy for the reassurance at the end of the dream. Although I am nervous, I am confident in Chowon's ability to work with me at reaching mutual understandings.

Damien said he wants to room with me this semester. He's hinted at it many times before, but I have purposefully ignored the hints. I wouldn't necessarily have a problem with rooming with him, but I really like my current roommate, and as long as things are working out I'm a little afraid to change it.

"I am not a study machine."

Back at my parents' house. I seemed to have forgotten how cold they keep it here. They've installed all manner of sneaky software on their computers, and I'm cleaning it up as I write this.

Here's the issue they're having with the desktop I'm working on now: "It runs very well, and then the fan speeds up and makes a loud noise, and then it runs slowly until we restart it."
My instincts tell me that it's overheating and then running at half ("capacity??" half speed) or something like that as a self-defense thing. I reproduced the issue while keeping the performance monitor open. As it turns out, the processor usage was jumping to 100% about every 3 seconds. I switched to processes and found the thing that was causing it. Then I turned off the computer for a while, turned it back on, and killed the process that was using all the cpu. It was called "toolbar updater" or something like that. The issue has not occurred since, and I'm still waiting. If it doesn't happen, I'll figure out whatever that program is and get rid of it.

I'm all proud of myself. X) This was a pretty easy fix.

I sat next to this girl on the plane to here. She had a really winning smile and made fascinating conversation. In a nice way it really made me glad that I have Chowon, because I didn't have to wonder if I could ever be in a relationship with someone beautiful and fascinating.

LeTU spams my inbox with end-of-course evaluations, and if that isn't enough they spam me with confirmations when I finally finish the surveys.

"Welcome back!"

Finals are finished... Packing is basically finished...

Chowon says she won't be able to talk to me for a week due to finals which she has every day. She seemed pretty distracted by it when we talked. I wonder what thoughts are going through her head when she makes that look.... Maybe I will learn it, too.

I have a box of chocolates which my roommate has charged me with finishing. I don't think I can do it. I've eaten too much already and it's gonna make me break out.

....I don't want to leave this place right now. While tomorrow hasn't come, I have still seen Chowon recently... Going home means changing my schedule. I was only just getting into the full swing of my studies. I was only just recapturing this semester... Going home means the next stage in waiting to see Chowon.. I'm so nervous about it, and I don't want to wait any longer. Why do I have to change focus so often?

Next semester... I honestly don't see myself spending much time at the fraternity. What little free time I have, I have preferred to spend it as alone as possible these days. I'm ok spending time alone with my roommate and my girlfriend, but although I am close with many people I feel like talking to everyone else is work. I haven't decided where to draw the line with Damien yet. I like him, but in a pavlovian sense being around him makes me want to be alone.. and the way he interacts with Chowon makes me uncomfortable. Not uncomfortable enough to confront him yet, but close. I have sensed potential for severe cultural misunderstandings in some of his expressed plans for conversation with her -- and given that he doesn't know her at all, I don't think I like that he's planning conversations with her or that he feels the need to pop in every time I talk to her... hmmm... if he approaches the border between friendly and weird again I may have to ask him to be more "hands-off".

"Doesn't it sound sad?"

Finals week!!!!
Lots to do, lots to think about. I found a place for Chowon to stay. She'll be on campus for 5 days (10$ tot.) and then she'll be at a friend's house for 5 days (free).

Thinking about skipping the final for Circuits. I already missed the Monday one, but the other one is tomorrow. Other than that, I only have one final left, and it's for Data Structures. When finals are over, I hope to have my project in Data Structures done. Idk, though. It might still be buggy at that time.

I'll continue working on it now.

"If we're alone, then we're very alone."