Monday, November 1, 2010

지혜 has been cancelling appointments and stuff. I don't think she has a boyfriend, but she hangs out with Songu a lot, and he is an amazing guy. I think that if she likes him and ends up with him, it would make me very happy, because it would just be perfect. She's incredibly gorgeous, and too many good looking girls end up with bad guys.

My relationship with Hyewon is shaping up to be the opposite of good, but for some reason.... I can't (or refuse to) think of any reason not to just roll with it. I'm enjoying it a lot.

"So when you're asked to fight a war that's over nothing, it's best to join the side that's gonna win."

Every day, extending my day here begins to look like a worse and worse idea academically, but a better and better idea socially. I've been praying that God's will be done and that he would give me wisdom. Despite my deepest wants, all my reason tells me that going back to America is the best choice. I think that when you pray for wisdom, God reveals himself to you with more certainty. Psalm 25:14 says "The Lord confides in those who fear Him". If you receive that wisdom, then you will inevitably grow in every other area (although that doesn't necessarily mean you will stop suffering). You will want to read the Bible more; you will love others with a love that is closer to God's love; you will be more at peace; you will be more successful in resisting temptation. But I think it's important to stress that wisdom doesn't make you always happy. Even God, who is perfect, is not always in a good mood. Didn't God suffer? King Solomon, the wisest man "ever" (except God Himself as a man), starts his book with phrases like "everything is vanity". Basically, when I read that, I felt really good about myself because it affirmed for me exactly what I've always been saying: most of what we do is useless and worthless. Only pursuing God and His kingdom is worth doing. And people tell me that my worldview isn't Christian. There is a verse that says "there is no one righteous, not even one.". It's always been true. Does that mean we aren't saved? No.... well, I think it's not that simple. ... But definitions of salvation probably get shoved down your throat enough without me writing about them, too.

"that which is crooked cannot be made straight, and that which is lacking cannot be counted"

I am grasping at dry leaves in Statics class, but tomorrow I plan to read the book for most of the day.

Speaking of grasping at dry leaves.... Hyewon. What a crazy relationship. We had a discussion while I was there that neither of us had ever been in this kind of relationship before each other. I can't get it out of my mind lately.

And mom called me the other day. She started in on her incessant rambling about her problems with Hyewon again and I got mad at her. It made me realize just how much animosity I've been harboring toward her over this whole issue. The whole thing was none of her business.

Oh well... you win some, you lose some.

"No one's sure how all of this got started, but we're gonna make them God damn certain how it's gonna end."

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