Things went ok at the party. I don't know what to do about Lindsey. Idk, I am having a really hard time getting myself to talk to her. Maybe my hearts not in it. Maybe we have nothing in common.... Idk... She's a really sweet girl, and I think we would get along great married, but I can't see us getting along very well just dating hahaha. That's kinda weird. I guess it isn't so hard.... *kinda frustrated "hmmmm" sound*

Ducky keeps trying to talk to me, and I like the guy but he is annoying the CRAP out of me with all his religious ostentatiousness. I have tried talking about it with a few people and I have been accused at least twice of trying to "snuff out his fire" or whatever; trying to dampen his religious enthusiasm. It's just that, he is ending all his posts on facebook with verses, which is cool if he is trying to witness to people, but the verses are irrelevant to anything. I mean, take my friend HDJRII for example: he posts verses, but it's all things that matter, and he is always blessing people and encouraging. That is good. Ducky, on the other hand, is putting pretty much random verses into everything including his texts, and he has even changed his facebook profile to 'Brother John B II', and his picture is now a picture of the symbol for the Bible college that he is continually babbling about. He doesn't mention his college without emphasizing the word "Bible" in advance. "Hey guys, I start my first semester at BIBLE college next week." "I'm so glad I'm going to such a great BIBLE college." "We should keep in touch while I'm at BIBLE college." I don't like talking to him right now, and I can't talk about it because people like you are reading this right now thinking "How judgmental!" etc etc etc.

So, last night I tried to talk to Hyewon about the relationship and... well.... little did I realize in advance that the English language is extremely unspecific about that kind of thing, and she had no idea what I was stammering about till towards the end of the conversation. I kinda got the message that she didn't want to have a boyfriend until after she gets her school situation worked out. However, when I asked her if she had a boyfriend (I was confused) she said that she didn't but that she had been on a couple of dates with someone. I asked "who" and she said "someone". I think she wasn't talking about me, but I have taken her tons of places... so what's "dating"???? The only thing I wanted to do this morning was apologize for the way that conversation went and how awkward it was. I took a walk early this morning because I knew mom would wake up first... but to make things more confusing, when I got back from the walk, I hung with Hyewon a little more and she was sitting really close to me, putting my arm around her, holding hands, all that kind of stuff. I plan to ask Gana about Korean boyfriend-girlfriend culture very soon, because I know she has an America boyfriend and might be able to give me some insight on the situation. Ugh, girls are so confusing. I wish the relationship field wasn't such a game and everyone could just be completely and unadulteratedly open with each other, without fear. Things would be so much easier, and for all I know, I could already be married by now if that was the case. I just hate it. This is dumb.


*sigh*
...oh well...
She's got me wrapped around her finger and she probably knows it. It just kills me the way she shakes her head when we stop touching.

"Shut..up."