Saturday, May 19, 2012
So today I was thinking about compliments.
I'm kindof back and forth on how often it's ok to compliment someone. Specifically, I'm wondering how often I'm allowed to compliment Chowon before words lose their effectiveness. If I had it my way I would compliment her all the time. But then I thought... what if I want to say something especially heartfelt and she brushes it off? Or what if she stops caring that I think she's beautiful? Or what if she stops believing me? Is it better to be too often or seldom but meaningful?
I guess it's different depending on the person you're with. The best way to find out might be to ask her, but it's such a silly question to ask: "Does it bother you if I compliment you too much?"
It's really cute when she fishes for compliments. But sometime she fishes for compliments, almost it seems, with something specific in mind... Like she wants me to amaze her with something witty and sweet. I feel like I can never do it right on the spot... but at the same time, I want to be there for her when she needs to feel loved...
I guess the root of the question might be "what is the best way for me to make her feel loved?" This question is the basis for one of the best things about a long-lasting relationship. The longer I am with her, even though our "young" passion might fade, I will learn more about what truly makes her feel loved. I hope I can find the best way to make her feel truly loved, and I hope that someday I can do that for her.
Sometimes she asks me to promise her things I can't control... I don't know how to respond when she does that. I hope that I don't disappoint her, but I don't want to make a promise I can't keep. Like promising that I won't die. How can I promise that? ... I have avoided making promises like that so far, I think... What should I do?
She called me last night and asked me for motivation to do her homework. It made me think: what can I do to motivate her? I can think of some ways I might help if I were near her physically... but from here I can only mail her things or Skype with her. So I said I'd send her some real flowers if she finished the assignment. Maybe a little too much for just one assignment, but she seemed pretty distressed. Real flowers are super hard to get sent internationally -- I'd have to have find a flower shop with the kind of flowers I want (unless my friend would pick them out), and then find a friend who would bring them to her, and then transfer the money to my friend's bank. But most of my friends are graduated from HGU now, and she's my only Korean friend who I keep in really regular contact with... She said that the flowers didn't motivate her, which is kindof a relief, but also kindof makes me feel hopeless. What if she asks for motivation again? Real flowers take a lot of effort. I'll have to be creative to top that... ㅜ. I told her I'd pray for her, and she accepted that.
Ah a friend just texted me. I've gotta go.
"There's an empty space inside my heart where the wings take root, so now I'll set you free."
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