So blogger has a problem with "referrer spam", which is where some dirtbag on the internet has a bot view your page a few hundred times a day. This fools noobs into visiting that site and becoming victim to whatever the site contains.

It's not too hard to tell which sites are fake and which are real, because many of the fake sites will just hit you with like 2 or 300 views simultaneously in less than a second. Also, it's pretty safe to assume that if you don't recognize the site, it may not be legitimate. But it's frustrating because usually I only expect like 12-20 people to read, and it clutters my stats hardcore. There's no way to exclude the sites from your stats. If your blog is too small or has too small of a viewership then your voice doesn't have much weight on the Google forums, but if your blog is huge and has huge viewership then a few hundred extra views doesn't matter that much.

Yeah, that all sucks and stuff, but the point of this blog is to say, I was really humbled by an exchange I had on the forums with one of Google's "top-contributors". The guy, http://blogging.nitecruzr.net , has been operating on blogger since 2005. He's also pretty well informed about the way blogger works in general. I've got to hand it to him, he's doing a great job helping people.

I've been on blogger since spring 2010, when I was assigned to make a blog by my freshman English professor. She was pretty cool. Before blogger, I was on Xanga since... maybe 2003? 2004? It was freshman year highschool, when I started blogging in order to keep better touch with one of my friends. Blogging has become one of my primary means of stress management. 

I don't blog for anyone else's reading pleasure, but I don't keep my thoughts to myself.... I guess.... I blog for the following reasons:

a) It forces me to organize my thoughts in a manner understandable by humans, including myself.

b) It encourages me to measure my ideas against my perception of public opinion -- so the whole world is holding me accountable.

c) Knowing that my thoughts are available to anyone who looks hard enough to find them liberates me from a certain kind of insecurity. I have no room to wonder, "will I still be accepted if someone knows me very well?" It's like taking a leap of faith. In order to make the leap, you have to come to terms with the fact that there's nothing you can do to change the outcome of the leap once you've taken it. Now that I am on the internet, the consequences of people knowing my thoughts are out of my control.

But I've had my blog for so long that b and c are almost not applicable to the continuance of my blog. If I want to make a difference, I may have to reshuffle my whole blog: get a better layout; decide on a theme that has appeal; write about things other than my own situation. I'm almost afraid that choosing a theme will stifle my motivation for blogging. I'll consider this for a while. I need to answer the following questions:

1. Do I want to add an external agenda to my blog?

2. What is my goal? What is the difference that I want to make?

3. Can I make that goal interesting and worth reading for outsiders? How?

4. Is the goal something I want to make apparent immediately? or do I sell-out for viewership and then let my goal drift-in when I've established myself?

5. Again, is this something I want to spend my time on? Is it something I can commit to?

If there's no legitimate difference for me to attempt to make, then there's no point for me to blog with any external appeal.

Oh well, it's getting pretty late. I need to sleep.

"Work on your blog, and get real traffic."

So I can't speak for everything the Black Eyed Peas produce, but I really like this song:

I could listen to it over and over. It's a bitter-sweet anthem for the united states. It talks about love that's not sexual, but kind, gentle, respectful, and honest. Where is that?

After all, God determines whether we live or die in any case. If I can protect anything, then God will give me the opportunity and ability to do so. I can't let myself be stretched thin looking out for the people I love. Can I love everyone? Is it safe for me to allow myself to be genuinely concerned for every person I meet? Am I even capable of really loving just one person with real, selfless love? If I can't do that, then how can I be useful to the greater good of humanity? Can I be sure that you'll be respected? Can I really pass the burden of your protection on to God?

It's kindof like electing Ron Paul for President. I know plenty of people who'd love to have done it, but they didn't vote for him because they "didn't think he'd win". I can't be kind to just everyone, because they won't be kind to me. They can't be kind with me, because they know that others won't be kind to them. Where does it start?

Sometimes I think I'd rather be naive, kind to everyone, and constantly suffering injustice, instead of "street smart", "wise", concerned for myself, and full of ignorance! Ignorant of the regret that I would be suffering if I only knew the good I could have done.

What a waste of life we're living!!! What uselessness!! We're all so fake and worthless!! I used to think that life was pointless because I felt powerless, like it was impossible for me or anyone else to make an impact on the world. Now I know that life is pointless, because I am unwilling to make an impact on anyone.

I'm so angry just thinking about how much we're being lied to by our culture. How long I have been tricked into thinking that love is impossible! Yeah, what if I get beaten, killed, or much worse things? At least I did what was loving, and I acted with incredible destructive force; the violent wrath of His Love and Forgiveness -- the forgiveness that crushes worldviews and breaks world governments at their knees. This is forgiveness that we can give to each other in our own lives! Nobody will accept this idea. Apathy will never stop. I don't expect to change anything about the way the world operates, but dammit I will not give up Love in my life for fear of my surroundings!

""Easy as pie""

I don't like to debate.

What's doubt, really? A worldview is such a large thing; how can anyone keep their whole worldview in their immediate frame of reference at any time?

My excuses are worthless. I'm consistently disappointed by how irresponsible I am. God created us for so much more than what I've done. Am I fulfilling my purpose? Nobody really knows. I'm a shade of black in a dream about nothing.

Somehow, however, God remembers me. Jesus offers me a couch to sleep on and says something a little more accommodating than, "You can stay here as long as you're looking for a job.".

I hate debate. Everyone's beliefs are so deeply buried in them that they won't be changed.
If you can convince me that I'm wrong, maybe it's because I'm wrong.

"That's a dangerous thought." Is it?
"Don't be pulled away." From what?
"Be careful in your search." For truth?
Why isn't everyone encouraging doubt in their own minds in order to strengthen themselves and avoid ignorance? I'm so sick of hearing people get offended by opinions that disagree with theirs. Who the hell are you or I to tell anyone that they are wrong?! (Except that "I'm *obviously* right"...) The sooner people realize that all the human knowledge that exists is "best-guess", the better.

I can't compare my emotions to other people's emotions anymore. Each time I present an idea to my friends, they call me weird. I used to recreate my thoughts and feelings in order to develop ideas about the reasons people do the things they do, but now I'm beginning to think I missed the train that everyone else boarded. Is it valuable for me to continue introspecting to build a reference for my worldview?

If "I think" is the only evidence I have that "I am", then my thoughts and perceptions are the only things I can build a worldview on. If my thoughts are not the thoughts of the rest of humanity, then my worldview is not applicable to others on a personal level, and might not be valuable for development of interpersonal skills. So, the value of knowing myself exists entirely in understanding my "coping" methods. Emotions are unavoidable consequences of having a brain, and ignoring them leads to all sorts of deterioration of our physical self. Adequate coping methods are as necessary to survival as shelter or tools.

Is there a point, then, where development of self-awareness via introspection begins to yield diminishing returns? I guess only if you're weird. Everyone I know thinks that they're weird.

"is it true? is it helpful? is it important? is it necessary? is it kind?"

Well I did it. It went by a lot faster than I expected. 4 years of collecting games, and probably weeks or months solid off of my life in total.

It's time to be an adult. It's time to take my work seriously and make loose composure my earthly refuge.

I uninstalled all my games except one. I only kept Baduk (Go). That was because playing that one is productive, and in a lot of ways too difficult to be considered video gaming.

...

I'm considering deleting it too, just to be complete, but I really, honestly don't think it'll be a problem. Playing that against the computer is so difficult that it's a chore.

I don't know how to feel about myself now.

I'm not ready for bed yet.

I'm gonna make some tea.

And read a book.

"I spoke my peace. I spoke with the wrath of His grace."

I got XNA to work. Here's my thoughts...

Now I know this is going to make me sound a little bit like a flake.... but......

I have..*counting*...~97 video games on my computer. Most of them I never play, but I keep them because I don't have any way to install them again and they have a little bit of nostalgia value. The number of video games that I play regularly is 3. The question is: if I uninstall the addicting ones, will I immediately become addicted to other, older ones?

Idk... some of those games are going to be very hard to come by in the future.

Therefore, I'm thinking I'll just uninstall the problem game. That game is Smite. This would be a much easier decision if I were the only one who played it, but it's the only game that me and my roommate play together. If I uninstall it, then it's going to remove one of the big things I have in common with my roommate. (kinda sad, huh?)

When I talk to Chowon next I'll ask her opinion about it, and maybe command her to command me to uninstall the big ones, haha. ... but then again, maybe I'll uninstall all of them. idk.

Having XNA is exciting, though. My C# with Game libraries is rusty. I read the MSDN about 3 years ago.

The networks project that I'm working on was due last week, but I've asked around the class and it appears that nobody has finished it successfully, and many of them just turned it in unfinished. I really hate the thought of that... Most everyone has the same problem, and someone told me the problem has something to do with the LeTU firewall. At any rate, there's another project due tomorrow... I'll talk to the prof about it.

In other news, Happy Halloween!

These days... should be summer break.

I'm struggling to focus on school. If it's not one thing, it's another. Right when I get focused, I also get tired. I don't want to be up all night because of procrastination... I guess I'll have to just do my work in the lab. Tonight I'm getting to bed early so that I'll have one less excuse to get busy tomorrow.
I've had a lot of good ideas lately, but I haven't had the patience to sit and do them. I feel like I've been lazy and irresponsible, and it's just killing me.

This week I've been getting a lot done in the mornings. Hopefully tomorrow will be like that.

My conversations with Chowon seem to be getting more and more dense with emotion as we draw near to the winter.

I really need a trip to:
-The dentist
-Walmart
-The ring store
-The dry cleaners (x2)

I wish I had a vehicle.

I've got a lot of work done on a video game I plan to make, but I don't have XNA so I can't get started on the actual code the way I want. Tomorrow, I'm going to try to get XNA installed on my computer (It's not compatible with 8 yet). If I manage it... well, I've been considering deleting all the games on my computer (yeah, all). I figure it will be kind of like ripping duct tape off of my arm. It hurts, and it even leaves a mark, but once the tape is off it's not hard to move on.

My to-do list is as follows:
-Continue working on senior design
-Finish that Networks project!!!
-The Networks presentation is due next Monday
-Knock out the parables paper this weekend, then draft it until it's due
-Meet with Howard Henry about the little actuator robot project

"The name doesn't fit."

Today's post is a vent. I'm really tense because of a run-in I had with some AO guys today, and I'm hoping that blogging about it will cool me off a little.

Today I accidentally mentioned my engagement to Chowon in front of some members of AO. They heard and responded by hinting at the "secret" ceremonial action taken toward to AO members who get engaged.

For the record, in case anyone doesn't know, a brief history of my relationship with AO:
I pledged, thinking that they were going to be more like an accountability group which focused on building character and encouraging one another toward realization of each person's identity in Christ, (as in, each person's identity in the context of an existential Kingdom of God). This in mind, as per status quo, I ate dirt with them for a semester (Fall '11) to "pledge". My grades suffered during that time, and so the next semester I resolved to better prioritize my schooling.
Spring '12 was a very difficult semester for me because of my difficult classes and some trouble I'd encountered in my extracurricular life (which I'll admit was a result of some bad/stupid decisions I made). Because of this, I determined to be an inactive member for the semester, and rarely attended any AO events. My plan was to move in to AO during the summer and probably stay there for semester following.
I'd budgeted my summer very carefully, so that I would have enough money for food, and a plane ticket to see my girlfriend (who I only see in person once a year because of the cost of plane tickets...). At the end of the semester AO took a vote, and decided that since I hadn't spent much time with them that semester they would not allow me to stay in their house. They didn't communicate the vote to me in any way (not email, phone, or in person, or any other way), so on the last day of housing sign-ups I found out from my RD that I didn't have a place to stay that summer. Housing in AO is free. This meant that I had to put down $500 for summer housing. Because of my tight budget, ($500 was almost all I had), I basically had to decide between seeing Chowon and eating for most of the summer. Knowing this, I turned in my shirt and paddle to the president of AO before the spring semester ended, and I told them to never include me in any more activities. He said to me: "You get out of AO what you put into AO." To this day, I have no clue what he was referring to.
I ate at friend's houses whenever I could, and I bought bulk food as well as I knew how. I got much help from the Ito and the Henry families. Most days during the summer I ate just one meal, sometimes just one bowl of Ramen, sometimes nothing at all. Towards the end of the summer, I bought Chowon's ticket ($1807.79 ftr) and I had about $50 left over. I didn't waste any money, but I really learned how to stretch a dollar to get more food. I lost about 15lbs if I remember correctly.
I don't particularly dislike any individuals in the house, so on rare occasion I've considered going back... but then I remember that summer and how strongly I feel about never returning.

So back to the engagement. Tomorrow night, at AO's regular Wednesday meeting, that member will probably bring my engagement up to the house and they will vote on whether or not to carry out the traditional actions for members who get engaged. The president of the house when I left has since graduated, and the new president may or may not know about me telling them to never include me. I'll let them know. I will not be a part of any more hazing at AO, and I will do everything I can to ensure that it will not happen to me. If does happen to me; if they violate my decision to leave the house, then I will direct my attention toward ensuring that it never happens to anyone else again.

"Calm rose, violent wind."

Haven't blogged in a while.

Right now I kinda miss having a blog to read...

Here's the update:

Summer internship went great. Got a job offer -- odds are I'm gonna take it.
Me and Chowon are about as serious as we can be. I've got my ticket to see her this winter.
School is going alright. As always, I really need prayer for my focus and time management skills.

TBH, the reason I'm blogging today is because I'm feeling really emotionally off balance. There are a few contributing factors for this.
1. I didn't sleep well last night
2. I watched like 8 episodes of SAO today, finishing the series. That was an emotionally draining show. I'm kinda glad it's over.
3. For some reason, I was compelled to check on my old Xanga today.

Xanga has been rebuilt, so the old blogs are only available as downloadable .xml files. Reading it was interesting at first. Skimming the posts immediately revealed some elaborate dreams I experienced 6+ years ago and had since forgotten. As I read on, though, I began to find pieces of a former me that I really didn't want to remember. I know it's kinda stupid, because it was highschool -- but those years represent some of the highest quality growth of our prefrontal cortex, making the time uniquely defining and very valuable for us to know ourselves and how we came to be the persons who we are. Some of those relationships lingered on after I went to the university. Some of my past friends represent memories that still have power to pull me into mild despondency. Reading the Xanga blog deteriorated into an unpleasant and isolating experience. I'm tempted to keep the xml file... just in case I want those memories back in the distant future... but I don't think it has the capacity to affect anyone positively anymore.

I'm going to keep it for a few days. If I forget about it or come up with a good reason not to delete it, then it will not be deleted. Otherwise, I'll erase it from history for good.

"Hope and understanding for the family."

Happy 500! This is my 500th post on PSA 139 That makes PSA 139 my longest running blog ever. This is also my first blog written on my  new Android tablet! My laptop has a broken "J" Key. It's frustrating to type on it, not necessarily because I have to mash the j key,  but because I almost never ever use the "J" key. How the heck did it break!?

Shrek is on TV now and I have this insatiable desire to escape reality. Not by using
drugs or playing video games... but by Just not being a part of the world of which I am a part ... I would rather be a part of a world where people aren't ruining each other with their vicious selfishness and greed;  a world where love exists without fear and insecurity. I want to disappear to a place where I can have Job security, a clean conscience, and no fear for my family's safety and well being.  I guess it's not productive to Spend much time imagining a place like that.

Well, spelling and grammar mistakes Minimally corrected, I think blogging on my tablet is a success. The biggest issue I'm noticing is mid-sentence capitalization.

I'm pretty tired.  I think it's about time for bed.

I should find a YouTube video or something to celebrate this 500th blog.

-.-The video I want isn't available to view on YouTube mobile.
...
This one will do. I really like this song.
...
...oh...
looks like I won't be able to embed it either. Embed to blogger by Searching YouTube is bugged.
...
fine.
...
Here is the link to the video.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NeKJqlD9RpI

it's not much of a video. More like a blank screen with a song.

"At last"

After meeting and speaking with so many people who are non-Christian, "pseudo-Christian" and "post-Christian", I've been really considering the possibility of trying to get at least an associates in Biblical studies, so that when I get my doctorate I could ask LeTourneau to let me teach a class on heresy. It's not intended to be a joke; I really think that it'd be a fun class to teach if I ever make it to professor status.

The scary thing is how plausible some of these theories are. That's part of what would make a class on Heresy so cool. I could really challenge people's faith. Heck, who knows. I guess once you know, the only thing you can lean on is your experience. It's like people who believe in "law of attraction" -- if you try it enough times and it works, you start to believe it.

Then again, how real is our imagination, really? If I am totally nuts and I believe that I'm flying around and saving people, even though I'm not; and if you take me to an insane asylum and leave me there, but I still believe I'm a free, happy super hero, then whose world is more real? How much does my world exist, really? Can you be certain that it exists only to me? Lets say I hallucinate the existence of a few people standing in the room with me, and I know their personalities and histories intimately. Do they exist? Would God give them souls? If one of my hallucinations dies, who's do say I won't meet him/her/it in heaven?

I'm not saying I don't believe in absolute truth. Even though we can't always be certain about reality, and even though we might not know the truth, we can know for sure that there is a truth. There is an explanation for existence, and we would be in huge danger if we didn't at least look for it.

This is the primary theory I've been hearing all summer, compiled and greatly summarized.

So... where to start... The important thing to remember here is that these people do not believe Scripture to be 100% God-breathed. They say it was written by men, and although it may have been divinely inspired, it's just a text written by men. As such it's only the authors' best recollection, opinion, and perspective. Most of these people are also skeptical of the committee that picked out which texts are Bible-worthy and not.

Consider a family of fruit flies living in your house. Each one lives like 20 hours or less or something like that. One day, great great granddaddy fruit fly is on the wall next to little baby fruit fly. Granddaddy fruit fly looks up at a passing human and says to baby fruit fly, "you see that being there.". Baby fruit fly listens. "Those beings have been here as long as I've been alive. They were here during my father's life, and his father's life, and his great great great grandfather's life, as far back as our family can conceive. They never age, and they are infinitely powerful to change, create, and destroy the environment. They are immortal. They must be Gods."

Imagine that somewhere out there in the distant vastness of infinite space, there is a wide two dimensional plane, which moves like the smoothly vibrating surface of a lake and the waving of a flag in a constant wind. On this vibrating plane, there exists an entire universe of two dimensional people. You find that plane and find that you are able to see and comprehend all of it very quickly, because you can see every inner working of each organism or machine that exists there. You can bend the plane, punch holes in the plane, fold it, introduce fire or wind to any part of it. With some time, you may even be able to reconstruct the organisms there simply by gathering two-dimensional elements together. The people there will pray to you and call out to you always, and consider you as a potential answer to the question, "where do we come from"?

Punching a hole in a two dimensional plane like that might cause nearby two-dimensional creatures to be sucked out into the third dimension (where their energy, not being enough to sustain three dimensions of matter, would promptly disperse). It would be really similar to a worm hole in our dimension. Shoot, worm holes might be 4th dimensional hole punches in our universe.

There are many dimensions. We live in the third dimension, and here we are able to directly see the second and first direction. Then, using the distance between our eyes and some subconscious math, we can perceive depth (our own third dimension). Someone in the 4th dimension could easily see and manipulate anything in our dimension -- but there maybe 5 dimensions, or 10 dimensions, or 20, or maybe more.

We know that our universe is composed of tightly compacted energy, held together by frequencies on some invisible medium across the universe. We might suppose invisible strings stretch across everything at once. That is to say, God created the universe and everything in it by first playing a chord on the strings of existence. I'm always hearing differing opinions about whether or not, at this point, God created a big pile of souls for insertion into whatever beast was intelligent enough to deserve one.

So at this point, lets say God has a functioning and organized universe with no life in it. It's just about to finish its Hadean or 'shapeless' era. Right here he looks in and says "man, I'm really awesome. Just look at this cool universe... if only it had a little more flavor..." So he adds life. Most pseudo, or post-Christians I've talked to will say He took his cosmic salt shaker and shook some DNA onto a few planets and watched it evolve.

At any rate, God picks out our solar system for life. At this point, Earth doesn't exist and there's an ice giant called Tiamat in between Mars and Jupiter. God finds a dim brown dwarf star with a large satellite planet ("X") and spins it into a *huge* orbit around our sun (approx 35K earth years to orbit once). On it's second or third pass, planet X collides with Tiamat. The debris becomes the asteroid belt, and a large remaining chunk of Tiamat falls into orbit closer to the sun. The ice melts and that greater halfof Tiamat becomes earth. If you look at earth right over the pacific ocean, all you can see is water. It looks like the earth might be just water. That's because Earth is lopsided. The continental drift is earth repairing the roundness of its solid mass.

At the point of that collision, some would say that DNA from X was seeded on earth, and henceforth evolution brought about neanderthals. This implies the existence of extraterrestrial life, and there are some really cool stories about early human existence, derived from the Sumerian creation narratives. I'll type that story up in another blog.

Anyway, back to frequencies. If it's true that our energy is held together by frequencies on some universal medium, then it's conceivable that IF we really have free choice, then we have the power to modify those frequencies. Similar to the way a butterfly flapping its wings in France might indirectly cause a hurricane in the states, the sound of you farting could indirectly cause a transdimensional shudder or storm.

Ok ok, so lets take all this and draw on it. I'm sure I'm leaving out something, because there's a lot more to tell. But anyway you eventually arrive at this terrifying idea that if there ever was anything to witchcraft, then it's leftover superscience from before the tower of Babel. (Right out of left field, I know. It'll make a little more sense if I ever get to explain more about those aliens later.) Basically, the idea is that if you design an object with perfect proportions and perfect shape, and then make just the perfect resonating sound into it, you have the potential to alter the chord of the universe and do basically anything with seemingly limitless power. Like, drawing a circle on the floor in soap or chalk and then saying the magic words into it. If you don't happen to resonate with existence, then at the very least you might pique the interest of a being in a higher dimension who can act on your intentions.

That all sounds really crazy, and I just realized I forgot to elaborate on that fruit fly analogy. That one also has to do with the aliens.

... This blog is just too long to get into that. I'll do it later.

But interestingly enough, almost everyone I've talked to at least believes that there is a God who literally lives forever and has lots of power, whether or not he's "The Bible God". They just have some really interesting ideas about who that God is. They also mostly believe that Jesus existed, and most of them also believe he had super healing powers.

To put any of my reader's minds at ease: I don't buy all of this. However, the part about Tiamat and the asteroid belt might as well be true. Also, that stuff about higher dimensions seems to be in line with what (extremely little) I know about string theory. I have a lot more studying to do before I make an educated opinion on most of this.

For now, I still believe the Bible to be 100% true. I'm content with Jesus being salvation for sins and such.

"All my life, there you go. Oh please stay, just this once anyway."

ETA: Oh! Almost forgot to mention this! Happy 10,000 pageviews, Psa 139! I know it's not a lot compared to most sites, but it's kinda cool to me :) I'm almost right at the number tonight. Also, this is my 498th post, so 2 more and I'll have to post like a celebratory something or something for the 500th. /ETA

So this is just a little embarrassing to write about, but I figure there are two types of people who read my blog: people who know me well enough to not care, and people who don't know me at all.

I watch a decent amount of anime. I'm not a crazy anime fanboy, but I watch. Usually, I prefer Anime that's a little (or a lot) on the weird side, with plots that don't necessarily have to make sense, but should definitely have some meaning, and lots of action -- like Samurai Champloo, Darker than Black, Serial Experiments Lain, Elfen Lied, and Cowboy Bebop, to name a few of my flavorites.

These days, I've been watching Thundercats (the old, 1980's series). I know.. Thundercats... but it's actually kinda blowing my mind. I mean, when it's time to fight, they actually move around. It's unlike almost all of the Anime I've seen (aforementioned flavorites excluded), where each 2sec bit of fighting is pooped on by 10mins of talk -- and yet, it still maintains a reasonably interesting plot.

I know what you're thinking: How can a TV show have both action and plot in one episode?! Well, I don't know for sure, but I'm thinking that the reason you're confused is because modern television is crap.

Albeit, the Thundercats don't actually kill anyone (yet), and that's the source of most of their problems. If they'd just killed the bad guys in the first 5 episodes instead of spanking them and sending them home, the series would probably have ended there. However, that lack of extreme violence doesn't subtract too much from the interestingness of the fight (another mind-blower, right?). It's because the show was intended to be interesting for a variety of age groups. It's tame enough for kids to watch, but it's not so boring that you're gonna wish you were being slapped on the sunburn instead of watching with your kids (or friends, or on your own, whatever the case may be).

Anyway, that's my pitch for the Thundercats. Hope you guys don't have a nerdy anime-fanboy image of me now. For real, I don't wanna be thought of like that. Stop it.

Also I had another nightmare last night.

...

I'm going to bed. Good night.

"Please don't keep secrets from me."

Haven't blogged much this summer. I think these days I've been venting more to Dan, Chowon, and Gavin, with the occasional coworker.

These days I'm concerned, more than normal, with my future. The idea keeps inexplicably appearing in my mind that I'm wasting my resources. I don't mean money; I mean food, sleep, life, and existence in general. When I think about my ideal future, two things come to mind: first, Chowon, with a family, a nice house, and a job; second, a weathered man on the sidewalk holding a sign that says "The end is coming! REPENT!".

My prayer these days is this:

God, please open the doors to the path of your will, and compel me to enter them. And close the door to every path that you don't want me to take. Please put and keep people in my life who will encourage me to live in the best way for your kingdom, and who will hold me to a standard of goodness and righteousness.

Thank you, God, for all your blessings. Please help me to use what you have given me wisely. I love you, God. Let me never forget the kindness you have shown me.

"I miss you."

Back from my first week at the solar field. It ranks pretty high on my list of the coolest stuff I've ever been a part of. There isn't actually a list, but if there were, then that would be on it. They told me that it was a relatively small solar field, but it was the first one I'd ever been on. From one side of it, you can't see the other side easily.

It gets around 120 F out there, and it's as dry as... a desert... so I drank ~10 water bottles per day while I was working, give or take a few depending on how windy it was. Some days were more windy, so it was easier to stay cool.

It's not good for the type of panel we were using to be exposed to light without the generated power being used by something, so they had several large resistors connected which turned the power directly into heat -- and that made things even hotter out there.

My dad suggested that instead of resistors, they aught to just buy a bunch of air conditioners. I think that typical air conditioners wouldn't use enough power for what they need, but they might be able to get a good deal on some older, very-low-efficiency ACs for a pretty good price... right? Then again, with 100G resistors going for only 35$ each, they're probably getting the best deal doing what they're doing. Anyway it was a fun idea.

It looks like the desert has fewer living things per square meter than most of the other places I've been... but in terms of its usefulness, the desert is a very practical place to live now. There are not very many mosquitos, and things don't rust very fast out here. It's very livable because of the incredible technology we have -- like for drilling wells and running power-lines. This whole area is a triumph of human ingenuity. I can see myself buying land here and staying for a long time.

My partner in the solar field (actually it's more like I'm his partner) is a great guy. He has very interesting ideas about religion and what's best for the world. I like his approach to finding out new things. He says we should question everything as much as we can. He is Mexican and was raised Catholic, and so he has a really funny way of integrating Catholic culture into his regular conversation. For example, when we needed our supervisor's signature on a work permit, he asked the supervisor to 'bestow his blessing' on the permit. And later in the week he "baptized" me under the name "chunk", because he said that anyone who works for Vertech and goes to the field gets to be baptized as "chunk" and is allowed to call the other guys at Vertech "chunk" as he wishes thereafter.

I'm heading out to the field again on Monday for one more week. I'm really looking forward to it. I'll be with the same partner in the same field, but this time we're going to be many times more productive, because I will know what I'm doing from the very beginning.

"'If my body goes, then to hell with my soul.' We don't even know the difference."

I have a business trip~~~~~~~!!!! :D

I'm so stoked x)

I get to go work on a solar field. Idk if I'm allowed to say which one, but they need their panels worked on. Face-to-face client interaction~~! I've got a helmet, a vest, 2 pairs of safety sunglasses, new shoes, and a camelback, and I'm ready to go!

This summer has been great. God's blessing me left and right with favor and time and love and opportunity.

Right now, my prayer is for my friends, the shuttle drivers: For my morning shuttle driver, that he'll see how beautiful his life is; that he'll love his job; that he'll think-through and structure his priorities productively. For my evening shuttle driver: that he'll wake up and say only what he believes, instead of just believing what he says; that he'll see that life and the universe is not as complicated as he thinks it is.

So I was thinkin... if the moon is in orbit so that one side is always facing us, then why are there round craters on the side that faces earth?

"Language is the liquid that we're all dissolved in. It's great for solving problems after it creates a problem."

So I'm considering whether or not I'll make my Facebook profile public. I found out that Vertech checked on it, but couldn't read anything interesting. I guess my Facebook would neither hurt nor help my case... unless they have a problem with my political views being "solipsism".

I have been having really adventurous dreams lately... and one nightmare. Night-terrors aside, I haven't had a normal nightmare since I was like 7 years old. The only thing I can think to attribute it to is the lack of exercise I've been getting. I'm going to start jogging on a t-mill every evening for 10 minutes right after work.

But it means I'm gonna want to get a mp3 player... because treadmills are about as boring as watching soundless television and listening to people pant nearby. I don't want to jog outside because I don't quite like the AZ heat yet. This dryness is going to take a while to get used to still. Someone told me to drink two water bottles every 3 hours I spend outside.

I haven't actually bought a commercial electronic from a vendor for maybe 2 years. I don't actually know what good prices on mp3 players are. I'm a computer engineer, not a computer trend-watcher. Knowing about the latest gadgets doesn't benefit me directly unless I have a schematic for them or know I can afford them... at least, so I thought.

I really didn't want to spend money on that kind of stuff, though. I can't imagine myself using an MP3 player productively at LeTU. Nearly the only time I'm bored enough to want one is when I'm stuck in class for hours on end, trying to cope with the way I'm expected to learn while sitting still forever.

The player would be nice if I'm working on any long-hour projects in the panel shop, but I keep getting mixed signals on how long I have left working in the shop, and I don't want to be in the habit of wearing earbuds if I'm about to learn something complex.

I think I offended both my bus-drivers. Idek how to respond to them anymore. It's like they both just really need someone to talk to, and I'm the only person stuck in the car with them regularly enough to get to know them well enough to hear about their thoughts. However, I'm not well enough acquainted with either of them to be hearing that nonsense about how I should move in with whats-his-face next year. I told him that I'm getting married, which should have translated to "no way", but he said "great! So you can get married and split rent with me!". ... ...... oh well. I only have about 2.5 more months of "mmhmm"ing and "oooh"ing it. I've endured much worse in the past.

"More gels?"

I haven't blogged in a while now. It's not that I've been terribly busy -- I guess I could say I'm just not 100% comfortable in my new environment yet.

The internship has been going great! Vertech just wrapped up a contract which was rather stressing. I'm working on the manufacturing end -- which means analyzing the panel schematics, redlining, and then building them. I'm trying to put my all into this internship, but sometimes they run out of stuff for me to do. I get a little bit flustered when I'm not busy. A bittersweet solution to my spare-time involves my next assignment. Sometime next week or the week after, I will be moved over to design. It's gonna be great to work with Vertech schematics instead of others, but I've never used AutoCAD for anything. I have been studying it off and on in my spare time to get ready. I think I cannot be completely effective in it until I've actually applied it once... but I'm becoming familiar with all the functions available. I'm kinda nervous.

Vertech seems like a great place to work. The people are pretty nice; they enjoy their jobs; they take pride in what they do, and they seem to value their integrity a lot. Also, a job with PLCs is kindof a dream job for me. Vertech seems ideal. I just hope I can do well for them and be profitable as an intern somehow.

"I'm definitely not undervaluing beer."

I got an internship!!~~~~

It's with Vertech in Arizona. They're like a mid-sized company, but I can see how they'd become a big company if they manage to hit the right mark in their field or make some kind of breakthrough. They've got a good business -- PLCs. I'm not totally clear if they develop and build their own PLC hardware, or buy PLCs from others and put them to use. Either way is good, though. I'm really excited to be working with them. I hope I can help their company somehow while I'm there... as in, leave it better than I found it. Although, I can't imagine there's much impact for me to make as an intern. I'll keep my eyes open. Who knows?

...

As I write this, I'm doing some last minute Shakespeare studying. The final is in 2 hours (ish).

...

Well... I s'pose it's time to go get lunch before the test.

"Too much fire in your belly."

Last night I had a really long dream:

At the start, I was with my friends from high school and freshman year of college. We were in some sort of pretend battle with another group of our peers, and a friend of mine and I got captured by the enemy. They sat us down and told us not to leave, but while they slept I found a way to escape. I told my friend to come with me, but he was too slow to decide, so I left. I made it out, and just barely didn't get caught. My captors called after me, "We made it easy this time, but next time you won't escape."

While I was running, I fought a large boar and killed it and brought its carcass with me. Upon returning to my friends, I had been transformed into some kind of creature; like a mix between a turtle, a pig, and a bird. I sat down with my friends, and one of them was talking to his girlfriend, saying "I love you, but I'm special. See, Zac wouldn't love you because you're fat." or something like that. I wanted to tell her it wasn't true, but all that came out was, "No way! See, I brought you this boar." and she didn't get it.

Then, my dad and brother came into the room, and took me away to a place that felt a lot like home. After some brief visiting, my dad left to get my sister. My brother looked at me and said, "Zac, you're not yourself. What's wrong?" And I opened up to him about everything I feel. My brother took a bunch of sharpies, and took off his shirt, and drew these awesome drawings all over his upper body. While he drew, he explained to me the meaning of each one and how it had to do with wisdom and my life. While he was explaining, I became a person again.

Then, my dad came back and took me and my brother and sister out to town. While we were out, my sister's purse got stolen, and we caught the guy who did it, but he didn't have her purse. We got him to tell us where it was, and we went there ready for war. I guess it was like some sort of gang hangout. We brought all sorts of guns and suited up to defend ourselves against anything. There were two rooms in the building, and I stayed behind in the first, to watch people there and make sure they don't do anything that would jeopardize our mission.  While there, I realized that none of my guns were actually loaded. My brother and father came back out of the room within a short time and said, "We forgot ammo. We're in a den of lions." But we just walked out without the bag. Outside the building, Dan and I made for home, but dad went another way.

That's it. I wanted to get it out before I forgot it.

So these days I'm thinking about my level of control in the situation with my parents. I feel like it's almost dangerous to articulate my sphere of influence, because I don't want to give myself too much credit or I run the risk of hurting myself -- and I don't want to give myself too little credit, or I might... idk... have self esteem problems or something. I really don't control any of it... except (here it comes...) myself, and my own response. I am only in control of myself, and my ability to respond lovingly (even if it means to respond in loving reproof) to my family no matter what.

A friend recommended to me that I discuss this here. xP

I was thinking... the most important thing... is that me and my siblings stay friendly. We've got a lot of good memories together. I think it's a slim chance that anything will happen to our relationships, and there's little I can do if something does happen, but I'm confident in us.

These days I have a sentence on the tip of my tongue all the time. Something like "I feel..." or "I dreamt..." or "I love..." but I never seem to finish the sentence. I think I need to keep closer touch with my Creator. Last time this happened I remedied it with Bible studies, and I haven't been in a week or two.

The world is a difficult place sometimes. I guess it's never quite difficult enough.

Some kids came to our school from Uganda to worship with us at chapel. They were so humble, and so ecstatic to shake hands with all of us. One of them told us "You have so many boxes. I just have one box, and everything I own is in it." Talking about a footlocker back at his orphanage. They were so thankful to God, and they said that back home they spend hours every day singing and dancing and praising God, who their orphanage owners have given credit for their new home. I feel like those kids are much stronger Christians than I am. They have so much faith, and so much to be thankful for, and they are grateful to God for things that I sometimes waste or even complain about. I can only imagine (and even hope) that their blessings will be 100 times mine in heaven. I was deeply honored, moved, and humbled by their presence and the fact that they just wanted to worship with us. They looked up to me, not realizing how much greater than me they are. What a blessing.

"You trust your parallel port now, but someday you'll come crawling back to USB."

Yesterday I was looking through some old music and I found Matisyahu. Jess first introduced me to this music in the car with some of her friends. I remember so well, being young and thinking about how awesome her friends were. Jess said, "I don't like any Jamaican sounding rap, unless it's Matisyahu." I was only in the car for a little while, and I rarely, if ever, listened to this music again... but the songs on his album "Shake off the dust... Arise" are each still familiar. Funny how our memory does that.

Today I have a lot more work than I anticipated. I haven't done much work on my Microcomputers project this week. I am going to have to start it up again full swing tomorrow.

No matter what I do, everything fails to satisfy me except time with God.  I can do anything at all and feel empty, except spending time with God... God, teach me the right way. Lead me on the path of righteousness; move me always toward you and let me not be led astray.

I'm so scared about this microcomputer design project. I don't know if I can do it in time without sacrificing my good grades on some of my other projects.

Hmmm... back to work.

"I see better days and I do better things. I catch dinosaurs... Make love to Elizabeth Taylor... Catch hell from Richard Burton."

Dear Lord, please give me focus, strength of mind, insight into the workings of all my projects, a quickness to spot flaws in my designs and skill to repair them. Father, bless my days and make them full with productivity, such that I can meet my calling head-on and be prepared to support my love well.

"I'm walking down the highway with my suitcase in my hand. Lord, I really miss my baby; she's in some foreign land."

Today I learned a little bit.

There was a girl who was talking about her past relationships; she said that she had a bad breakup, so she got back at her boyfriend by quickly finding another guy who liked her and going out with him and telling her ex about it. She said "it worked" and "he almost got back together with [her]" and she doesn't feel guilty at all.

I don't know how to feel about it. First of all, I don't think I would ever get back together with a girl who did that to me. ... That kind of thing... I feel like that kind of behavior is so ... I guess the only good way to put it is "beneath me". But the reason it startles me, is that this girl is someone who I know, and who is definitely not beneath me. No, honestly, I consider that kind of emotional gameplay to be completely detestable.

I was initially torn between trying to sympathize with her or justify the behavior, and being disgusted by her. That's when I realized two things:
1. I am super judgmental, and I need to cool it or I'm gonna become a douche or a snob. If someone does something I don't like, I need to remember that we are equals, and that I've also done plenty of things I don't like.
2. It's a similar situation with my dad. I don't like what he did, and I consider it to be detestable, but I don't have to choose between respecting him 100% or 0%. I can 100% respect the good things that he's done, and I can 0% respect the bad, all the while 100% honoring and loving him.

Dad is my father, and he is a part of my family, which gives him a deeply rooted emotional bond to each of us in the family. We are each ethereally responsible for his actions, by a connection for which there is no metric -- an idea that people just know because it's unanimous. Like love: we have a word for it, but we don't really know what it is. Dad is (still) the mighty patriarch of my family, and for the first 18 years of the lives of all his children, we bent to his will.

Dad is all that, but he is also a person. He is my equal as a sinner, and we are failures together, held together by God just like the rest of mankind. If we can't accept our status as imperfect or incapable, we will never be able to move forward and have peace at the same time. We can take this thorn in our sides -- bad decisions are like a single stake on which we are all impaled together -- and use it to bring us closer together in a new way. Nobody said it would be easy to live with, but it doesn't have to kill us.

Just remember, God loves us. Jesus sees all this flash before his eyes in an instant and then says "God, forgive them, because they don't know what they are doing." This is just more dirt that we need to shower off.

"You are so precious to me!"

Today is like a song that never ends.

Whenever I think about it, my mind turns into a cloud and I can't focus too hard on it. I'm stuck, like there's this emotion I'm supposed to be feeling, but I don't know what it is and I can't feel it until I figure it out. It makes me wonder about the rest of my emotions. I laughed with my friends today, but even then I had this in the back of my head. Does that mean that my happiness was fake?
...
No, probably not. That kind of happiness is like an ice cube. It helps, but after a while it melts.

Between Thursday night and Sunday night I had a really hard time talking to God.

Today was better. The prayer meeting was really good for me.

I am really addicted to this song right now.

The intro is a little annoying, but the rest of the song is cool. I think I might learn it next.
...Idk though. Sonata Pathetic is gonna take me a while.

Right now I feel like an angel-food-cake that's been sitting out: poofy and empty, but also thick and ...wait...no... I'm just hungry and tired.

"The salt in my pillow gave God praise in my absence."

Sometimes, it seems like I look down at myself from above, and I judge myself. Like I say to my self, about myself, "look at that person. I'm glad I am not that way."

I need to talk to my brother soon and "process the process". Will it tell me the way to feel? Maybe it's better if I don't find out the way to feel. Maybe it's better if I never know what I'm thinking.

Will it impact my grades? Will it hurt terribly?

Will they lose their ministry? Will they be ok?

Will I be able to make better decisions in the future? Can I learn from other's mistakes, or am I destined to repeat history?

Are the person I am, the person I want to be, and the person I should be, all walking on the same road? Is it safe to have a person who I want to be? Should I make a distinction between "want to be" and "try to be"?

I belong to the family, and I belong to the situation, but I can't fix it -- and it seems like I shouldn't try to fix it. So what am I?

"'Do you believe the things you're saying?' Yeah, right now, but not that often."

Today I woke up, took a shower, ate breakfast, and then sat for 11 hours in front of my computer (not including about 3 hours of breaks I took here and there. I've been awake for approx 15 hours). I finished my PCB schematic for my single board computer from top to bottom.

This is the type of work that I love to do -- when I can focus on one subject for the whole day and focus my mind to its fullest ability.  I love learning other stuff, like Chemistry and Shakespeare and Busyness for Engineers, but... well, on one hand, I wish I were doing just one of them. If I had all semester to focus on just Chemistry I would master it and enjoy it 100%, but since I have to do several things I can't focus hard on any of them. On the other hand, if I never did anything but Computer Engineering, I'd probably go insane or something.

Oh man... my mind is kinda shutting down. I'd better get to bed.

"I saw a newborn baby with wild wolves all around it"

So... I was thinking about wisdom and Ecclesiastes and considering the meaning of our day to day actions.

There was a time when I didn't wonder why I was alive. Sometime after that, I realized that actions should have purpose, but that most actions of myself and the people around me lacked apparent purpose. Furthermore, I saw that the material things I considered to be valuable were eternally worthless.

For a long time I saw life as inherently meaningless, and full of meaningless things and meaningless actions. A recent XKCD comic eloquently put it "A human is a system for converting dust billions of years ago into dust billions of years from now via a roundabout process which involves checking email a lot."

However, no matter how much I break life and existence down into parts and facts which yield it no value, I could not escape my emotions. I'm not saying that the presence of my emotions proved my life to be any more or less valuable -- just that I had them and I couldn't get rid of them, no matter how valueless I made existence.

At first, the inescapable desire for happiness and the undeniable presence of pain taught me, in short, "It doesn't matter that it doesn't matter." That is, even if life is completely worthless, I will achieve happiness in the way I think is best, no matter what... right? Wrong. If life is completely worthless and I live under that paradigm, then pursuing happiness on my own will always be unfulfilling  because the happiness will always be temporary, and I'll just keep coming back to the question "Why does it matter if I am happy?".

Seeing little earthly answer to that question, I wondered at which happiness (without mention of God) is most long-lasting. After some consideration, I decided that happiness is most durable when it comes in a group (mutual happiness with friends or a loved one). Group happiness is achieved by providing some kind of good or service to the group without expecting return.

Now, combining a few of these points: All my stuff is eternally worthless; the best happiness comes from giving to the group. It seems to follow that I would make my goal to just give all my stuff away.

But we know that isn't the answer. First of all, if I gave away all my stuff, I'd have nothing left to give, and I'd end up unhappy again. Second of all, this only attempts to solve the problem of "purpose", which wasn't even the problem I was trying to solve. The problem I was aiming for was that there didn't seem to be "value" in life.

All this time I knew the answer, but I didn't reach out and touch it. God gives us value and purpose. He loves us, and he give us an infinite stash to give away. God even gives us a means to happiness *achievable on earth*, which never runs dry and always satisfies. Stephen in Acts found it. That happiness stems exactly from the realization that nothing matters. It turns meaninglessness into value. It says, "these things on earth came from dust, and will return to dust, but I have a Father in heaven who loves me." and it even goes so far as to say "Here, take my valuable possessions and please be blessed by them. I don't need them, because I have happiness endlessly."

"When he had said this, he fell asleep."

I had a dream last night that I took Chowon to a jewelry store to get her fitted with a ring. We went to the first store, and the shopkeeper left and said he'd be back, but didn't come back, so we left. At the second store, I stepped out for a moment because I heard something crash outside and I wanted to check it out. I didn't see anything, so I came back inside.
There I found out that the shopkeeper was recommending a really expensive piece of jewelry to Chowon by saying it would help her fit in in the U.S.. I got so mad at that shopkeeper for using that to sell stuff to Chowon. I said something to the shopkeeper, bought the piece for Chowon, and then left to avoid making a scene. Before we got to the third jewelry store, the city was overrun by robots and Chowon and I were swept away by some kind of space militia. The rest of the dream was awesome robot fighting action.

I don't have an interpretation for this dream. It was just a fun dream.

Today I am helping with card readers. I guess I'd better get onto my morning stuff so I won't be late.

"If I turn right at the corner, I may see the rough road you have been down. If I turn left, I may see all the stones you have thrown."

"A self-ordained professor's tongue,

Too serious to fool,

Spouted out that liberty

Is just equality in school.

'Equality,' I spoke the word

As if a wedding vow

...

In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand

At the mongrel dogs who teach

Fearing not that I'd become my enemy

In the instant that I preach

My pathway led by confusion boats

Mutiny from stern to bow

...

Yes, my guard stood hard when abstract threats

Too noble to neglect

Deceived me into thinking

I had something to protect

Good and bad, I defined these terms

Quite clear, no doubt, some how,

Ah but I was so much older then

I'm younger than that now."

Cheers today to Bob Dylan, who knew that grey areas seem to widen as you get older, but that failure to know what you believe indicates little wisdom and little backbone.

Sena is here! I'm so glad I got to see her and Sam.

I miss Chowon :/

Well, I have a lot of homework to do.

...

Erg... I'm gonna be up much later than I intended.

Sometimes I am suddenly struck with this feeling, like I have a vision of a good future, but that I might never achieve it... like everything I love is on a track next to me, and if I stop running or slow down for a minute I'll lose it all.

This is the future I want:
- A job that pays the bills for my family to live somewhere safe.
-- I want to be a valuable asset to my company, but I never want to reach the top. I want to sit in one area of the company until I know it well and have seen a few projects succeed, then I want to move somewhere where I can learn another aspect of the company or product development. I'd like to have bosses that are happy with my performance, or better yet, gaining great success off my performance while I sit happily under them; and happily there have freedom to roam departments and learn a company inside and out.
- A wife who supports me and says she loves me when I leave
-- I want to be the husband who helps wash dishes and take out the trash, and then when I am done I want to put the kids to bed, knock out whatever tax crap has to be done, and then snuggle.
- Kids who give me hugs when I return home and kisses before bed
-- I want to raise my kids approximately the way I was raised. I want to make sure they feel secure and loved, and I want to help them to understand the value of wisdom.
- A church family who prays with me
-- I intend to give my tithe and help out where I can. I know I can't be a part of every mission the church attacks, but I intend to back them however I can. I think my gift is prayer, and I hope to pray for lots of people.

"Like a 'Happy Birthday' on a Thursday."

So today I was reading through my "Business for Engineers" book and realized that I don't know what "critical thinking" means. I hear it all the time: "Critical Thinking"...  And all I have are context clues as to the definition -- my best guess is the following definition:

To really think about something and try to understand it.

...

Well, I don't know what it means to "really think" if it isn't what humans do all the time, and I thought that the whole point of all schooling was to try to understand concepts and ideas. So, why all the fuss about "critical thinking skills"? Why not just call it "the common ability of humans to learn"?

That said, I'll now search Google for "define:critical thinking"... The highlighted result is to a Wikipedia article on critical thinking. The article has 4 bulleted definitions:

• "reasonable reflective thinking focused on deciding what to believe or do"^{[3][page needed]}
• "the intellectually disciplined process of actively and skillfully conceptualizing, applying, analyzing, synthesizing, and/or evaluating information gathered from, or generated by, observation, experience, reflection, reasoning, or communication, as a guide to belief and action"^{[4][page needed]}
• "purposeful, self-regulatory judgment which results in interpretation, analysis, evaluation, and inference, as well as explanation of the evidential, conceptual, methodological, criteriological, or contextual considerations upon which that judgment is based"^[5]
• " includes a commitment to using reason in the formulation of our beliefs"^[6]

My knee-jerk response to the first bullet is: "You mean the average person doesn't do this?!" But then I read the second, third, and fourth definitions and the word which stands out to me is "skillfully", (no, not "criteriological", although I will be looking that word up promptly). What skill is needed to use judgement? Hmmm.... That question itself may be indicative of my lack of judgement skill. Reading on, the definition of critical thinking is broadened to include the use of morals. I suppose more thought on it is required. I don't have time for it now.... if all these words were applicable to the paper I'm supposed to be writing, I'd be done with the paper.

Anyway, my book says I can practice critical thinking by doing problems at the end of each chapter. Lets see if those questions produce any significant lifestyle changes meriting the description "use of critical thought".

"They can't govern my peace."

Winter has ended and school has started again. Winter break was much too fast, but something I wish they'd do at school is open the dorms a little earlier and close them a little later. It's like, spend 9 hours on a plane to get to school on the day dorms open, go to sleep, wake up, and then go to class. I wish I had more time to unpack. Also, leaving at the end of a semester would be much easier if I had like 2 or 3 days after finals to pack up relaxedly...

Oh well. Classes this semester are freakin me out. I don't usually like chemistry or economics classes (at least... I didn't in highschool), but I'm gonna enjoy these classes... because... just because. It's gonna be great.

...............................

Ok, I'm back from the Q&A for microcomputers. I'm gonna have to bust my butt on this class. Looks like the way it's gonna be is bringing my laptop to the lab every day after classes. Please pray for my diligence.


I s'pose I could have something to say about winter... It was great. Just awesome. I had a great time with Chowon; my brother and his wife were awesome hosts; all the family relations were positive; I got to relax a lot. Absolutely great.

"Don't buy anything from Ass Man."