Today's post is a vent. I'm really tense because of a run-in I had with some AO guys today, and I'm hoping that blogging about it will cool me off a little.

Today I accidentally mentioned my engagement to Chowon in front of some members of AO. They heard and responded by hinting at the "secret" ceremonial action taken toward to AO members who get engaged.

For the record, in case anyone doesn't know, a brief history of my relationship with AO:
I pledged, thinking that they were going to be more like an accountability group which focused on building character and encouraging one another toward realization of each person's identity in Christ, (as in, each person's identity in the context of an existential Kingdom of God). This in mind, as per status quo, I ate dirt with them for a semester (Fall '11) to "pledge". My grades suffered during that time, and so the next semester I resolved to better prioritize my schooling.
Spring '12 was a very difficult semester for me because of my difficult classes and some trouble I'd encountered in my extracurricular life (which I'll admit was a result of some bad/stupid decisions I made). Because of this, I determined to be an inactive member for the semester, and rarely attended any AO events. My plan was to move in to AO during the summer and probably stay there for semester following.
I'd budgeted my summer very carefully, so that I would have enough money for food, and a plane ticket to see my girlfriend (who I only see in person once a year because of the cost of plane tickets...). At the end of the semester AO took a vote, and decided that since I hadn't spent much time with them that semester they would not allow me to stay in their house. They didn't communicate the vote to me in any way (not email, phone, or in person, or any other way), so on the last day of housing sign-ups I found out from my RD that I didn't have a place to stay that summer. Housing in AO is free. This meant that I had to put down $500 for summer housing. Because of my tight budget, ($500 was almost all I had), I basically had to decide between seeing Chowon and eating for most of the summer. Knowing this, I turned in my shirt and paddle to the president of AO before the spring semester ended, and I told them to never include me in any more activities. He said to me: "You get out of AO what you put into AO." To this day, I have no clue what he was referring to.
I ate at friend's houses whenever I could, and I bought bulk food as well as I knew how. I got much help from the Ito and the Henry families. Most days during the summer I ate just one meal, sometimes just one bowl of Ramen, sometimes nothing at all. Towards the end of the summer, I bought Chowon's ticket ($1807.79 ftr) and I had about $50 left over. I didn't waste any money, but I really learned how to stretch a dollar to get more food. I lost about 15lbs if I remember correctly.
I don't particularly dislike any individuals in the house, so on rare occasion I've considered going back... but then I remember that summer and how strongly I feel about never returning.

So back to the engagement. Tomorrow night, at AO's regular Wednesday meeting, that member will probably bring my engagement up to the house and they will vote on whether or not to carry out the traditional actions for members who get engaged. The president of the house when I left has since graduated, and the new president may or may not know about me telling them to never include me. I'll let them know. I will not be a part of any more hazing at AO, and I will do everything I can to ensure that it will not happen to me. If does happen to me; if they violate my decision to leave the house, then I will direct my attention toward ensuring that it never happens to anyone else again.

"Calm rose, violent wind."