So these days I'm thinking about my level of control in the situation with my parents. I feel like it's almost dangerous to articulate my sphere of influence, because I don't want to give myself too much credit or I run the risk of hurting myself -- and I don't want to give myself too little credit, or I might... idk... have self esteem problems or something. I really don't control any of it... except (here it comes...) myself, and my own response. I am only in control of myself, and my ability to respond lovingly (even if it means to respond in loving reproof) to my family no matter what.

A friend recommended to me that I discuss this here. xP

I was thinking... the most important thing... is that me and my siblings stay friendly. We've got a lot of good memories together. I think it's a slim chance that anything will happen to our relationships, and there's little I can do if something does happen, but I'm confident in us.

These days I have a sentence on the tip of my tongue all the time. Something like "I feel..." or "I dreamt..." or "I love..." but I never seem to finish the sentence. I think I need to keep closer touch with my Creator. Last time this happened I remedied it with Bible studies, and I haven't been in a week or two.

The world is a difficult place sometimes. I guess it's never quite difficult enough.

Some kids came to our school from Uganda to worship with us at chapel. They were so humble, and so ecstatic to shake hands with all of us. One of them told us "You have so many boxes. I just have one box, and everything I own is in it." Talking about a footlocker back at his orphanage. They were so thankful to God, and they said that back home they spend hours every day singing and dancing and praising God, who their orphanage owners have given credit for their new home. I feel like those kids are much stronger Christians than I am. They have so much faith, and so much to be thankful for, and they are grateful to God for things that I sometimes waste or even complain about. I can only imagine (and even hope) that their blessings will be 100 times mine in heaven. I was deeply honored, moved, and humbled by their presence and the fact that they just wanted to worship with us. They looked up to me, not realizing how much greater than me they are. What a blessing.

"You trust your parallel port now, but someday you'll come crawling back to USB."