So, I think it's safe to say I've taken my peek down the path to destruction. I won't be doing that anymore.

Today I was thinking about love, specifically "phileo", and I was wondering, what is the ultimate achievement in that kind of love. Eros has sex, Agape has sacrifice, ludus-conquest, pragma-wealth(?), storge-long lasting marriage, and mania-an equal and opposite mania. Those are all based around relationships between a man and a woman, so they were easy to think of, (though my answers are obviously debatable). Phileo, however, doesn't seem to have a perfect outcome. Just...friends for life, I guess; but once you are there, you are already there.

Anyway, that got me thinking about what my ideal outcome for a perfect friendship would be, and, in all honesty, the only thing I could come up with is conquering the world. I mean, not kidding, that's all I've got... and, I mean, we're still young, and it's still within our grasp. I think the deadline for that is about 40. When you're 40, you are irreversibly in your rut, and you should just make enough money to retire and then do so happily, without regret.

The way I see it, although you might not be able to actually take the "whole" world, it's still possible to achieve devastating success in that field. All you need are friends you can trust, an understanding of the people in your country of origin, a slightly inflated ego, and a good head on your shoulders. You have to be sober minded, but not too sober-minded; crazy, but not too-crazy. Doesn't history tell us that everyone who has tried has had followers? and that everyone who has used their power over their followers wisely has had, at-least, a country of their own?

Anyway. That's what I was thinking about for the past little while. That's just musing, though. I wouldn't be stupid enough to try it myself. Yeah, a person can become powerful, but everyone who fails (except maybe the Romans, Alexander the Great, and Julius Caesar, and then maybe the Persian, Cyrus, --but Persia is a creepy place all through history; I wouldn't want to be like him either--) is treated like a monster in history books. And, well, there are countless reasons besides that why taking the world is kindof a ridiculous idea...

Also today I worried a lot about tomorrow's Statics test. Based on the practice quiz we had today, and the state of the class, I am feeling confident, but very worried that I am unduly so. I also worried a bit about the conversation I had with Hyewon yesterday. Not only was I not thinking clearly because of the night before, and was, (I'd like to think, subsequently,) unnecessarily open with her, but I am entirely too open with her in general. I feel like the conversations mom has had with her have left me completely open. I am narrowly avoiding checkmate in every conversation, by her grace alone, and she isn't even trying. I mean, not that I have anything to lose anymore, because she knows pretty much all the things about me that I don't tell people, (maybe not "all", but much more than she should).

Excuse the reference to chess..... I've been playing that a lot more lately, and I couldn't think of a better word..... I know........ chess references.......

Anyway, most of my worries about Hyewon are kindof shrouded by me just wanting to talk to her more; to continue improving our ability to communicate with each other, and to see her some more, and, just being honest, I wouldn't mind snuggling some more either. (I say that about snuggling now, even though I'm still kindof disgusted with myself for reasons not-related to Hyewon.)

Heh, feels good to blog again. Seems like these things get longer when I don't blog often, and they get shorter if I blog a lot.

"Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil."


ETA. Oh, I almost forgot to write this. I went to the prayer room the other day and someone had opened the big Bible in the room to a powerful passage in Lamentations. I remember the light and the Crucifix and the little knee pillow near the low-table where the Bible is sitting. It was an incredible feeling. A kind of sorrow and misery and regret and contrition coupled with that peace that you can only get from God. It was one of those really great moments for prayer. I really appreciated God giving that moment to me. While I prayed, two other people came in the room (not at the same time). One was Korean and the other, I think, was Mongolian. The Korean prayed against the corner of the room, face to the wall, and cried in his knees. It was really intense in there. That's what prayer rooms are for, comforting people who need it.