Got to hang out with NK again today. It was a lot like old times. ... We just ate and sat and talked, and we kept barely off the edge of awkward silence for almost the whole time... only it was a lot better now than it was then. I think because the dynamics have changed for me since Hyewon exists in my life. It was easier for me to be myself around her, and not have to worry about being interested in her or whatever. I wish Hyewon and I were official. There's still this voice in the back of my head saying with almost every girl who I hang out with "You're still technically single. She hasn't said yes, and there's a chance she'll say no. Maybe there's potential here...". Honestly it just confuses me and makes it hard to approach situations.

I think that I am the kind of person who really doesn't have any innate social skills at all. I memorize patterns of behavior and tone of voice and associate probable meaning, and I am fully aware that I have little to no understanding of social rituals in general. Because of this, I really can't at all function in large groups, but I'm usually ok one-on-one. But, things like flirting and small talk are insane concepts, and I can't see the use behind them except that I acknowledge that they are necessary. In these ways, I find that I am often mislead in my understanding of a person, especially from another culture like this one. However, in my defense, when I really want to be friends with someone, I am usually able to put out a lot of time and effort into the relationship until it is stable, and I'm usually easy going enough to keep the relationship stable as long as I'm not absolutely betrayed or something *cough Lani* (jk...sortof).


Well, enough of that....

"Skip!"