I finally got Hangul on my keyboard, but I haven't memorized the layout yet, and I don't have stickers on the keys.
ㅂㅃ ㅈㅉ ㄷㄸ ㄱㄲ ㅅㅆ ㅛ ㅕ ㅑ ㅐ ㅔ
ㅁ ㄴ ㅇ ㄹ ㅎ ㅗ ㅓ ㅏ ㅣ
ㅋ ㅌ ㅊ ㅍ ㅠ ㅜ ㅡ
Unfortunately, I don't have the "won" symbol. "₩" which is usually where the "\" should be (and...backslash is a really useless key anyway. when do we ever use it except ascii art and coding?) ... (and most codes accept the won symbol in place of the backslash anyway, so there.)
I've figured out, getting other languages on your computer (at least with windows 7) is really easy. Steps:

1. control panel
2. click "change keyboards or other input methods"
3. click "change keyboards" under the "keyboards and languages" tab,
4. click "add"
5. find the language you want and click "microsoft ime" if it's an option. press ok
6. look at the "advanced key settings" tab to find what the key combination is for changing your keyboard back and forth.
7. open notepad or something and try it out. mine is set to "grave accent" and "nothing selected", so I press the accent key to enable Hangul, then I press the right "alt" key to switch quickly between Hangul and English.

Anyway, thought I'd share that.

Statics class today was good, but I was tired like usual. I hope that concepts come slower later in the year. I got a 26/29 on the test, which was satisfying. I got one problem wrong, and my calculator should have been in degrees for all the rest of them. lol. ... I miss calculus.

Talked a little bit with Hyewon today. Didn't video chat, I was doing homework. I finally got her to open up a little about the situation with Gabrielle there. (See, she's living in the same apartment with my ex girlfriend now.) I wasn't pressing or anything, but she had said before that it's cool and that it wasn't awkward for her. Her saying that made me curious about how well they got along, so I was asking about that when she finally told me that it was uncomfortable for her. I'm not sure how she perceives the dynamics of our relationship (mine and Gabi's), but she definitely seems a little bit adverse to me talking a whole lot with Gabrielle. I can understand that, but I don't think I'm going to change much. I don't really talk to Gabi that much anyways. There's nothing to worry about. I suppose it's not the best situation to be in, but the more Hyewon and I talk about things, the better they get.

"who is your 귀요미?"

One more day of September.

Today my roommate is sharing at the RA meeting. He is talking about psalm 6:6-11(?) "consider the ant". I think it's gonna be good. He says that next time it's his turn to share at the RA meeting, he wants to go off campus, so I volunteered to be Roger for that night. It'll be fun.

Didn't talk to Hyewon. I'm almost convinced that she is either reading my blog, or she is just the greatest. She always seems to say or do the right thing....Idk, I can't pin it down.

I think I might finally be getting into the swing of all this scheduling with people. I've double and even triple scheduled meals with people on more than one occasion, and although it usually turns out alright, I can't keep this up much longer.

I've eaten a lot of chocolate tonight. My roommates and I all craved brownies and milk at the same time, so we went to mejam and bought like two boxes of brownies and a half-gallon of milk and chowed down to the movie "Children of Men"..... which is a "just ok" movie, if that. Anyway, I have a headache.

I have some homework due tomorrow night that I am a little bit worried about, but I honestly think I can knock it out over lunch. I will be jointing effort with Drew. I feel confident about the test, and I plan to study hard this weekend. It's really tough to get things don in that class, because that's the one where we don't have books yet.

"what am I am."

Listening to Circa Survive. Boy, this takes me back.

Talked to Hyewon last night (her this morning). She finished an essay and sent me a copy of it, but the copy seemed like it had been edited a lot by my mom. It was too perfect, and had an almost excessive amount of articles, which are a commonly underused thing by Koreans. (articles="the","a","an","his","hers",whatever identifies the noun in question). I kinda wanted to see the one she had written, because her mistakes are really cute sometimes lol. It's whatever. :)

Talked to Lindsey on Facebook (my this morning). We talked a little bit, and could have talked more, but I had to go get my Statics book and start that mess. Maybe it's for the best. I am in limbo as to whether I want to completely let go of her or not. I can't know until I get an answer from Hyewon. Lindsey is a great girl, and is making an inspiringly honest effort in our relationship. There is a lot less risk with her than there is with Hyewon, and if I end up with Hyewon, then I could lose Lindsey all together (and it's only fair that I would). Then, when I remember my reasons against it, I remember that; first and most importantly, I am not all that attached to Lindsey emotionally; and second, after Gabrielle, I told myself I didn't want to be with any more Dugway girls. Dugway is a trap, and it'll drive you insane.

I realized today that I have talked about Hyewon more than anything else in my blogs, so I should broaden my scope a little bit in future blogs. It's just that all the most thought-consuming stuff that happens to me anymore (excluding school work) revolves around her. I should read my Bible more often.

I took my big Statics test this morning, and praise God, I think I did very well. The teacher went really easy on us, because he knows that all of us are struggling, and two-thirds of the class still don't have books. (there are only three students in the class).

"I had thought this sense was lost..."

So, I think it's safe to say I've taken my peek down the path to destruction. I won't be doing that anymore.

Today I was thinking about love, specifically "phileo", and I was wondering, what is the ultimate achievement in that kind of love. Eros has sex, Agape has sacrifice, ludus-conquest, pragma-wealth(?), storge-long lasting marriage, and mania-an equal and opposite mania. Those are all based around relationships between a man and a woman, so they were easy to think of, (though my answers are obviously debatable). Phileo, however, doesn't seem to have a perfect outcome. Just...friends for life, I guess; but once you are there, you are already there.

Anyway, that got me thinking about what my ideal outcome for a perfect friendship would be, and, in all honesty, the only thing I could come up with is conquering the world. I mean, not kidding, that's all I've got... and, I mean, we're still young, and it's still within our grasp. I think the deadline for that is about 40. When you're 40, you are irreversibly in your rut, and you should just make enough money to retire and then do so happily, without regret.

The way I see it, although you might not be able to actually take the "whole" world, it's still possible to achieve devastating success in that field. All you need are friends you can trust, an understanding of the people in your country of origin, a slightly inflated ego, and a good head on your shoulders. You have to be sober minded, but not too sober-minded; crazy, but not too-crazy. Doesn't history tell us that everyone who has tried has had followers? and that everyone who has used their power over their followers wisely has had, at-least, a country of their own?

Anyway. That's what I was thinking about for the past little while. That's just musing, though. I wouldn't be stupid enough to try it myself. Yeah, a person can become powerful, but everyone who fails (except maybe the Romans, Alexander the Great, and Julius Caesar, and then maybe the Persian, Cyrus, --but Persia is a creepy place all through history; I wouldn't want to be like him either--) is treated like a monster in history books. And, well, there are countless reasons besides that why taking the world is kindof a ridiculous idea...

Also today I worried a lot about tomorrow's Statics test. Based on the practice quiz we had today, and the state of the class, I am feeling confident, but very worried that I am unduly so. I also worried a bit about the conversation I had with Hyewon yesterday. Not only was I not thinking clearly because of the night before, and was, (I'd like to think, subsequently,) unnecessarily open with her, but I am entirely too open with her in general. I feel like the conversations mom has had with her have left me completely open. I am narrowly avoiding checkmate in every conversation, by her grace alone, and she isn't even trying. I mean, not that I have anything to lose anymore, because she knows pretty much all the things about me that I don't tell people, (maybe not "all", but much more than she should).

Excuse the reference to chess..... I've been playing that a lot more lately, and I couldn't think of a better word..... I know........ chess references.......

Anyway, most of my worries about Hyewon are kindof shrouded by me just wanting to talk to her more; to continue improving our ability to communicate with each other, and to see her some more, and, just being honest, I wouldn't mind snuggling some more either. (I say that about snuggling now, even though I'm still kindof disgusted with myself for reasons not-related to Hyewon.)

Heh, feels good to blog again. Seems like these things get longer when I don't blog often, and they get shorter if I blog a lot.

"Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil."


ETA. Oh, I almost forgot to write this. I went to the prayer room the other day and someone had opened the big Bible in the room to a powerful passage in Lamentations. I remember the light and the Crucifix and the little knee pillow near the low-table where the Bible is sitting. It was an incredible feeling. A kind of sorrow and misery and regret and contrition coupled with that peace that you can only get from God. It was one of those really great moments for prayer. I really appreciated God giving that moment to me. While I prayed, two other people came in the room (not at the same time). One was Korean and the other, I think, was Mongolian. The Korean prayed against the corner of the room, face to the wall, and cried in his knees. It was really intense in there. That's what prayer rooms are for, comforting people who need it.

headache.mouth taste like piss.vomiting all night and morning.can't eat anything.can't think straight.can't walk straight.hungry.tired...this is definitely the first and last time I'm doing that.

"just keep drinking water."

Chuseok was great. I ate all kinds of foods that I can't remember the names of. I had shark, shark eyes, squid, various raw fish in cocktail sauce, some shellfishes served various ways, like 12 different kinds of Kimchi, who knows what soups, and more different kinds of rice than I knew could exist. Most of it was really delicious, but the raw clam was just a bit too difficult for me. It was the first and only (so far) food that I have had to politely refuse to take seconds of. Gana's family were great hosts. She's a great friend.

I had to shoot down a few nasty ideas about me and Gana from my roommates, lol. I have too much respect for Gana and Mark for me to be that way. It would have been better if Drew came, though.

Got my Korean phone finally. I got to talk to Hyewon on it and it was much better than not talking :). I would like to talk to her on Skype again soon, though. I want to ask her a question about her past. She asked me if I would ever get back together with Gabrielle. Of course, the answer is no, but that we don't know what God has in store. I wanted to ask her if she would ever be back together with a certain ex of hers who she told me she broke up with because of a disagreement about having a long-distance relationship. It's not like a priority subject or anything, but it's kindof important since she'll be coming to Korea again, and she might see him some more. It's only significant because she said he was her longest lasting relationship.

That brings me to another point. Her track record is terrible. She says she's had lots of boyfriends and her longest lasting relationship is a few months. I don't want to be another page in that book, but you never get anywhere if you don't take chances, right? Maybe it'll be different this time... and besides, there's no way I'm passing up the opportunity with a girl of her caliber. Just a few years ago I felt like any girl like her would be way out of my league. I mean, pretty girls just don't seem to go for scrawny, nerdy, Christian guys.

It's back to homework, though. I didn't get any done over Chuseok. A couple times I was actually in the mood for Statics, but Drew had the Statics book, and he didn't come with us, so I couldn't.... I think that today I'm just gonna do my easy homework: Korean1 and Creation/Evolution. This way I can kinda get my head in the game and do the difficult homework either tomorrow or tonight.

Last night I had a dream that I was in Gana's car again with her family and stuff, and we pulled through a gas station where someone was putting bags of fertilizer all around. In my dream, I told Gana that that was a bad idea, and she said we could go talk to the gas station manager about it. Turns out, the manager was the guy packing fertilizer around the station. I got Gana to call the police, but they wouldn't do anything, so I said lets just get in the car and go. We left, and as we drove away I saw an explosion out the back window of her car. Then I woke up... I'm pretty sure fertilizer and gas takes a lot more time than that to become volatile, but it made me miss Quad 4...I never got to blow anything up there, but my friends all seemed to at least appreciate my hobbies.

...for the record, I'm not gonna blow anything up illegally...

I watched "Get Him to The Greek" last night. ...... Oh goodness. It was hilarious, but don't watch it.

"You convince yourself that you want it, but you don't know
You keep trying to wash the blood from your hands, but it won't go"

Got a letter from Lindsey today. It was cool, I love snail-mail... but I'm not sure how I will respond, because she said that she was alittle jealous of me and Hyewon, but I don't think she knows the details of our relationship or whatever it is if it is anything.. I think the next time I will be able to talk to Hyewon is this Friday. It's too bad. Maybe I'll just respond to Lindsey and ignore her comment about Hyewon.
...
I really hate this kind of thing. In a way, I hope Lindsey moves on, but in another way, I wonder what the future will hold if Hyewon says no.

My Mongolian roommate has pretty much the same taste in music as me. ... and he's RA, and he's still awesome. He's downloading Samurai Champloo.

Took the guys hiking today, and I am confident that I know the trail in and out, although I found myself face-to-face with a baaaaad looking, big, fat, yellow spider on the way. I think I will be more confident about knowing my way around Pohang when I have gone there one more time.

Learned my 3 new favorite phrases in Korean today.
"Ice cream mog ha leyo?"
and
"Ice cream Mogoro Gajayo."
and
"Ice cream juseyo."
in that order, with few-minute gaps in between. It goes like this:

"do you want ice cream?"
"lets go eat ice cream."
"buy my ice cream, please."

X) X) X) X)

Very important here, because the ice cream shop on campus is heaven.
...yes, the Korean word for ice cream is "ice cream".

"walked down the street..talked to a cat..."

*5*
Today went well.
*+1 positive attitude*
I studied Statics all day just like I hoped I would.
*+1 honesty with self*
I finished the assignment
*+1 for first complete-complete assignment in Statics*
and I missed all three meals
*...*
*+1 for dedication
*-1 for self-harm*

Didn't talk to Hyewon, but felt like it all day.
*-1 didn't talk to Hyewon*

My roommate is awesome. We get along really well, and do some fun, crazy stuff. Today he said "you and me... we're weird" in a Mongolian accent, which was fun too.
*+1 awesome roommate*
*+1 not the first person to say those exact words in broken English.good memories.*

Tripped on the stairs on the way to statics class and spilled soup on myself.
*-1 soup*

Was the only person who showed up to Mr. H's Bible study today.
*+1 good study*
I suppose that makes up for having missed "first-hour" today. (it's a morning Bible study)
*-1 absent*

...
*-1 smelly shoes*
....
*+1 eating cookies right now*

So... today is an 8. Not bad.

"There are answers for that."

Hi! Didn't blog yesterday because I was trying to get to bed early. Trying to get to bed early tonight, too. ... ....

Today didn't go so well... Statics homework was a flop, but the Prof says it's ok. I think he sympathizes. I will be studying Statics all day tomorrow.

Positive note, I talked to Hyewon today. This time, she texted me asking me to let her know when I can get on to talk. She told me about her plans for school and stuff. It all sounds pretty solid to me. I worry about how her issues with summer school will affect her acceptance to the University. However, I think if she plays it off as a struggle which she is working to overcome since she is new to America (an essay topic), she should be alright. Then again, she'll probably be alright if she doesn't do that, too. Idk. I'm no expert. I'm happy she's taking this all positively, and I'm glad that she comes to me to talk.

Still hopeful about her grade on the Toefl. Praying for that often. I wonder if God appreciates or is annoyed by redundant prayers, or what an acceptable regularity would be for praying reduntantly... Like, I've wondered that for a while now. I guess there's no way of knowing... I guess it doesn't even really matter.

Another positive note. My parents didn't die in the airplane. Mom's worries can rest yet again. Feeling a little homesick. I had to take a survey for a friend the other day. Long-answers, her whole essay was about me. I realized during the essay that most of the things I value and consider honorable or which I respect and whatever are directly related to my brother. Oh man. Dan's a good guy.

Ummm..... That's all. I need to get to bed.

"Nowei yojachingu?"
"anio."
"ibuni nuguyeyo?"
"uh...neh yojachingu."
"moa?"
"mulayo. aigoooo"

Today I did most of my Physics homework. I can't do it all until after class monday, 'cause I don't know what I'm doing yet. Tomorrow I am going to do Statics, and if I have time, I will also do Korean. Church church church church church.

I got to talk to Hyewon again today, she didn't do well on the Toefl (which kinda surprised me, because she's pretty good with her English...) but she says that she made some silly mistakes, and she will be taking it again and she will pass. She said she only just barely didn't make the cut, so it shouldn't be too hard for her to bring it up those few extra points. But even so, if she doesn't pass, things will be difficult, but not impossible. I won't think any less of her anyway.

She said that she had a pretty crummy day otherwise. Some stuff with her work and such. I really wish I could be there and give her a hug, but I was ok just listening. She talked it out with me, and seemed to feel a little better at the end of it. She wouldn't put on her video, because she said she looked a mess. I'm sure it wasn't as bad as she thought lol. It usually isn't. I did my best to be responsive. Seems like lately, usually when things come up that make me sad like that, I get really quiet and categorize all the details of the incident. I'm glad she got it off her chest anyway, and I hope things go well with her about all that.

Mom is coming home on a plane now. She just sent the texts out "I'm boarding the plane!! I'll be home soon!". She also seems pretty sure that she's gonna die. 'I just love all of you soo much! I'm about to board the plane, and if I die right now, I will go out full of joy and peace and love and grandma-ness' She texted me the other day that she planned to read my blog. I might have to do some house cleaning soon... maybe not. Experience shows that she will never get around to reading this, and if she does, then she will read "this" and know that the animosity is something which, while it definitely existed, I've put behind us. The damage is done and repaired. Please don't surface it any more than necessary, and please don't apologize.

We had our first IBS meeting today. Each exchange student was assigned a Korean buddy, and we were teamed in groups of 3 pairs. My team is "Team Canada". Some of the Korean kids have nick-named me "lucky-guy". First, because of the Jeju-Island trip, and I guess some other miscellaneous blessings from God, and now they say I'm grouped in International Buddy System with 5 of the prettiest girls, and I am the only guy in the group. We are instructed by the school to hang out as much as possible lol. Gana is my buddy, which is super cool because that lets off any "relationship" pressure, since she has a boyfriend. Thank God, looks like smooth sailing from here.

I'll be spending Chuseok with Gana's family, and I know Gana's mom is a good cook, so that's something to look forward to. Been listening to piano music a lot since my roommate introduced me to some cool bands. I really like Hiromi, but I don't like her title tracks and singles, especially "Brain" and "Kung-fu-champion" because they don't have any piano and are kindof chaotic and annoying.

I've corrected a few English papers since I've been here, and it's a lot of fun. Makes me feel really good about myself when I can help people like that lol. Even though they are actually smarter than me in that regard because they can speak more than one language conversationally at all... Idk, off my cloud.

"It's obviously delicious!"

Read this on a friend's blog today and thought it was just perfect. I wanted to write it somewhere so I wouldn't forget, but it would probably worry people if I made it my status on Facebook or if they found it in one of my notebooks.

"Everything I've said to you has a deeper meaning. When we die, you'll understand all of it. [...] I wish I could tell you I loved you, but we're too young for love, aren't we?"

Didn't do much of anything today, but tomorrow I plan to do homework all day.

No, actually, I did stuff....

I went into town and took all the money out of my refund bank account, and I talked to a friend who said he would secure a phone for me this weekend (they're really expensive in Pohang, but he's going to Seoul soon.)

Also, I talked to Hyewon a little more. I told her about talking to mom and I told her about all the awkward stuff mom has said in the past, and I think she gets it. She said not to confront mom, which was like she was reading my mind. ... I wont.......

Hyewon also told me she doesn't want me to get a haircut until she gets here. She said she wants her mom to cut my hair. aaand, we swapped some music. I had to break the conversation today, which was... out of the ordinary I guess... and her reaction wasn't very natural, like she had some question about my leaving that she didn't get an answer to. I had to get ready to go to town. Probably not even something she'll remember tomorrow.

Asked a friend what I aught to do if I am her boyfriend when I meet her parents. He said
1. don't slouch in your chair,
2. don't look her dad in the eyes too much (he said look at his upper lip),
3. wait till the oldest person in the room takes the first bite of food,
4. shake with both hands (like, grab your arm with one or something),
5. try to speak as much Korean as you can, so they will feel more directly attached to you (as opposed to her translating everything).
6. if you don't know how to say it respectfully, don't say it to her parents.

He also said that when she comes to Pohang I should know my way around, because Korean girls expect that from a guy. No exploring while she's here. And then he told me about how I should propose to her, which was cool and all, but... not on the agenda.

A bunch of the intl. students just went out to the pub, and then to the club. I didn't apply for a night-out pass in time, so I can't go, but it's cool. My roommates didn't go either, so we're having chicken in the dorm lol.

"Is that a compliment?"

Today I caught myself not-paying-attention in class a couple times, daydreaming about Hyewon. I can't stop wondering what she thinks of us, and whether or not all this talk about our past relationships is hurting her view of me. I keep wondering what else my mom has said, and whether or not it would be wise to try and tell Hyewon about taking mom's opinions with a big, fat grain of salt... and I should really tell mom again to stop trying to intercede on my behalf... I catch myself often getting my hopes up for all the fun I could have when Hyewon gets here, and all the things we could be doing. I hope we will be able to do all of it. My brother used to warn me about getting too attached, and I'm not taking his advice lightly... I'm keeping my emotions on reserve enough not to be too badly hurt if things go awry (at least for now... but I guess there's no good time limit for that. I thought I knew Lani very well...), and I will keep my standards in-tact, but I plan to let myself thoroughly enjoy every minute we are together.

Oh well...

That brings me to something I've been thinking about alittle lately. What do I think about what happened with Lani? ... I really don't understand the whole situation, except that she was withholding some information which could have saved me a lot of heartache. ... And the way Gabrielle fits into the whole picture just baffles me.. I guess... I'm still a bit angry at Lani, and I feel guilty about the way things went with Gabrielle. I am sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt (that is, allowing only for acts of God), that I will not be in a relationship with Lani again. I am afraid at the idea that Hyewon might be a "rebound", because I was only just recovered from the whole break of friendship with Lani when she appeared. Honestly, she came right when I needed a friend. I didn't know anyone in SLC and it was nearly impossible for me to just meet new people. When I asked Hyewon to teach me Korean, I didn't expect anything at all, and I think I actually had NK in the back of my head at the time.. But do I still have feelings for NK? uh, no. No, no, no. That was really silly of me to begin with, definitely a classic case of LeTU-ism; emotional-sluttiness, as my brother would probably call it..... Conclusion? No, Hyewon isn't a rebound. I wasn't looking for a relationship when I met her. I was done with girls all together. I even remember making the comment to her when we first went out to eat that maybe I would just be a hermit. lol. Even if we don't end up together, her questions about my past have been thought-provoking in probably the best way.

"She's like a hot cloth on a fevered head, and like a needle she leads me while I follow like a thread."

Had an interesting conversation about religion with a Chinese Confucious-ist today. He says he wants to come to Church, which is awesome. I didn't even invite him. I hope God really touches his heart. I'll be praying for him.

Talked with Hyewon yesterday, and when it was time to go she said she didn't want to have to stop the conversation, which was kinda sweet. It made me happy. I'm a little bit unnerved by how open I've been with her over the past few days. I wish I could have taken things slower in that respect, because experience seems to show that friendships are more stable and longer-lasting when you take time to get to know each other, and don't take one another on all at once. It's enough to live one's own life without being overwhelmed with someone else's life and burdens.

Actually, I've been finding out more and more about conversations mom has been having about me behind my back, and I almost unavoidably find myself in awkward situations having to explain the way things really are. Mom just doesn't know some of the things she talks about.... I really need to Skype mom again, maybe in private this time... to ask her kindly to stop trying to tell Hyewon about me... I mean, she's not saying anything bad, but she's saying things that maybe I don't want to tell Hyewon yet... Example: about my sleep condition... and some apparent inaccuracies about my ideals in dating and relationships; some of which Hyewon won't tell me, which is alittle unnerving as well. However, confronting my mom in private might not be the best plan. Most of the time when I do that, I end up stuck listening to her justify herself for an hour. Last time I confronted her, I went ahead and did it with Dan on Skype with us, which was great, because she started in on her rambling, and I saw the look on Dan's face: he knew just as well as I did that we needed to stop it.. Well, mom listens to Dan and respects his opinion much more than she does mine, so he, very gracefully, ended the subject.

Oh gosh, Dan told me a story the other day about how mom tried to tell his wife about him. She told Steph that Dan was immature and that she needed to go easy on him and watch out because he might break her heart or that mom didn't want Steph to break Dan's heart or something. Dan caught wind of it somehow and had to talk Steph out of being weird around him from then on. Idk all the details, but the story is a good enough example of mom not minding her own business, and someone else having to pay for her unnecessary stress.

......Oh well, Proverbs 23:22, right?

Oh gosh, pray for me about that. I feel terrible whenever I am angry with my mom, because someone told me once that however you treat your mother is how you will treat your spouse, and my mom has hinted multiple times in the past year or two that I am shaping up to be a bad husband. I REALLY don't understand what I'm doing wrong here.

*sigh* Enough! I'm done.

"You're a Christian, right? What do you need? What do you really need? All I have, all I want is love... Love: I have my family, my girlfriend, and my friends. Does God give that to you? Where is his embrace? Where is he when you are in pain?"

Last night I didn't get much sleep; I kept waking up in puddles of sweat. It was sooo hot... then today I slipped in a puddle of wet cement (which was already up to my ankles), I was late to two classes and a meeting with a friend, it rained and I had to buy a new umbrella because I left my last one at an arcade, and I told Hyewon my secret and immediately ran out of time when she was about to tell me hers. :( Maybe she'll be on tomorrow. I was pretty well cheered up while I was talking to her, except when the conversation got heavy.

But somehow.... it wasn't all that bad.... The cafeteria was slightly more tasty today, and I was encouraged a little by the reactions people had to my thoughts on the Bible verse this morning. It was Psalms... 6, I think? I just speculated on his reason for praying that prayer the way he did. But the people there are so positive. Everyone who shares is encouraged, and disagreements are handled in a very positive and uplifting way. I love it.

Went hiking today and it was awesome.
When I came back, I went to the chapel office and napped on their couch while the sweat on my shirt dried in front of one of the few active AC units on campus. I drew a picture and forgot to throw it away. Kindof embarrassed. It's just sitting on that couch. It wasn't a picture of anything in particular.... The hike was gorgeous, though. When Hyewon gets here, I'm taking her on that.

Watched the live action Mulan today. My Mongolian roommate got excited every time the Mongols came on the screen. He was like, "those are my ancestors! The bad guys hahaha and we should have won!" Aaaaand I've had this song stuck in my head all day.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WusoYFNpL60
The female chorus is kindof catchy, and is somehow patriotic to Mongolia. There was one Mongolian song in Mulan which (at one part in the song) had the same tune as the chorus here, but slower. I wouldn't have recognized it if he hadn't called it out.

I'm picking up a few useful Korean phrases. One Korean-American described my Korean as "very functional".. so I'm kinda proud of myself.... although I can't hold a conversation to save my life, and I don't understand most of what people say to me.

I've taken a few more pics, but I still need to post them. I'm waiting, because I think it's better to post lots of pics seldomly, than to post one or two pics all the time. That way people don't get tired of seeing new pics from me all the time.

Well, it's 12:30. I should go to bed.

"I always dream for one hour before I wake up."

Got to hang out with NK again today. It was a lot like old times. ... We just ate and sat and talked, and we kept barely off the edge of awkward silence for almost the whole time... only it was a lot better now than it was then. I think because the dynamics have changed for me since Hyewon exists in my life. It was easier for me to be myself around her, and not have to worry about being interested in her or whatever. I wish Hyewon and I were official. There's still this voice in the back of my head saying with almost every girl who I hang out with "You're still technically single. She hasn't said yes, and there's a chance she'll say no. Maybe there's potential here...". Honestly it just confuses me and makes it hard to approach situations.

I think that I am the kind of person who really doesn't have any innate social skills at all. I memorize patterns of behavior and tone of voice and associate probable meaning, and I am fully aware that I have little to no understanding of social rituals in general. Because of this, I really can't at all function in large groups, but I'm usually ok one-on-one. But, things like flirting and small talk are insane concepts, and I can't see the use behind them except that I acknowledge that they are necessary. In these ways, I find that I am often mislead in my understanding of a person, especially from another culture like this one. However, in my defense, when I really want to be friends with someone, I am usually able to put out a lot of time and effort into the relationship until it is stable, and I'm usually easy going enough to keep the relationship stable as long as I'm not absolutely betrayed or something *cough Lani* (jk...sortof).


Well, enough of that....

"Skip!"

Talked to Hyewon today about Jeju Island. I explained things to her and she's cool with it, I think, but I don't think she understands where I'm coming from. Anyway, we will decide what to do with the tickets together, and later. maybe use them just to attend Hyewon's friend's wedding, which will be on the island.

Played a few rounds of Starcraft today with my *clears throat*.. KOREAN roommate. And it was a beautiful thing. It's true, every Korean in the world is secretly amazing at Starcraft.

Oh time for bed.

"Who's whistling?"
"I didn't hear anything"

Today was nice. I Skyped Dan and Steph this morning and then Skyped Gavin. Both of them reminded me that it was a bad idea to invite Hyewon to Jeju Island... but I've already done it. However, should I end up going with her, I know I can do it without much issue from mom and dad anyway. I would just have to save some money.... At this point, I am leaning opposed to the idea.

See, despite our best intentions, we're gonna be on this romantic island retreat sharing a hotel room with just one bed (2+2=...). Also, I don't have an international drivers license, so Hyewon will be the only one driving. ... Idk if she has a Korean license either... maybe we won't drive. Anyway, I have two things to talk to Hyewon about now. First, I have to explain that I only had to register the win last night, not register the trip, and apologize for the confusion. Second, I have to talk to her about whether or not it's a good idea to go on the trip at all. I think talking to her about it is the only way out, but it might require near absolute openness from me on the subject, and it will be difficult if she really wants to go. It's possible I will have a hard time saying no to her. Maybe she will be sympathetic.

On another note, after talking to Dan and Steph, I am almost sure that mom is *at least* subconsciously, passively (is "passive aggressively" the right term here?) conspiring against my relationship with Hyewon. The way I've heard that she complained about "power struggles" at the airport to Dan was ridiculous so I explained to Dan and Steph the situation.. I'm not even going to get into it on here, because I know this blog is going to be long enough, but lets just say that the inanity of mom's trains of thought with regard to Hyewon in general is frustrating and almost staggering. ... ugh... anyway that's what's going on there. I'm not sure what to think of Dad. I appreciate him minding his own business, and offering advice to me where he sees fit (as usual), but I was also somewhat pierced by his readiness to tell me about the alleged "date" Hyewon went on... which turned out to be false information... At any rate, they aren't helping anything with this, and as far as I gather from what they've told me, whatever suspicions they have or have had are baseless, and in the past, have all been proven false. ... Ok.

So, from another angle, shouldn't I value the insight of the people who are older than me? Shouldn't I be a bit suspicious, looking at this from the outside saying "this relationship is pulling you and your parents apart"? Well.... I do value my parent's insight, but with Hyewon they keep taking shots in the dark and missing (perfect example: the "date") They are losing credibility in this situation (singularly). Furthermore, I have a hard time thinking that I am any more frustrated with them than I always am for one reason or another. Only, I guess now that they are so directly involved it is able to manifest more openly.

Skimming some of my older blogs, I think I change my mind ALOT. I would say that I want to work on not wavering so much: thinking through my ideas before I act on them... but I think that part of it is that I think out loud on my blog. I try to examine both sides thoroughly as each new evidence appears. I guess it's only natural I will have conflicting ideas from blog to blog....

On a light note. There is AC and a comfy couch upstairs in the chapel (did someone say "nap-time"?)

"In the past two years I have eaten over 500 chickens."