Last night Hyewon and I stayed up till 2 in the morning swapping music on youtube. We shared earbuds and listened until my laptop battery was about to die. Then, today, we hung out all day and it was alittle boring, but we tried to keep it interesting. Still haven't talked. Seems like I get my resolve up to bring it up and then something happens that makes me think just how great things are with us just friends for now, or to make me think that she either would need to go slower or she just thinks of me as like a younger brother (which isn't necessarily a bad thing... but for right now, I'm not particularly fond of the idea). We pushed each other and stuff today, and she blew bubbles at me and then ran and locked me out of the apartment. I had a key, and she kept saying through the door "come on in!" but she held the lock closed o.0. and we put Korean labels all over the apartment so I'm supposed to memorize household stuff in Korean. I suck at this.
Tomorrow morning I am expected to wake up early and go Hiking with Hyewon and some of her friends. Her friends invited me, not her, but she said she wasn't opposed to the idea and I do particularly enjoy hiking. We don't have any water bottles, so I'm gonna have to mooch.
We watched "The Road" tonight, and it was actually really good.
My eyes are dry like they want to be closed for the night, but I have to wait for Hyewon to get out of the shower so I can brush. My last dentist appointment was not pleasing, so I'm brushing twice as much to make the next one better. I have a cavity... :(
Hyewon offered to let me sleep on the couch tonight, since she is sleeping on a cot, but it is in the same room. I wasn't sure if that was ok. Somehow it strikes me as ungentlemanly to be in the same room as her if we are both sleeping. I'm sleeping on the living room floor again tonight, I think.
Right now, I feel really nervous, really excited, slightly neglected, very stressed, very tired, alittle depressed, hopeful, content.
Decided to write on my other blog about this one. I know Lani still reads my posts there (but I can't imagine...)
Well, idk. I guess I should finish up and go to bed. Night :)
"That was my favorite part."
Friday, July 30, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Hyewon is staying at my place tonight. I'll be sleeping on the living room floor, while she takes my couch. I thought of talking to her, but my mom came in and said something to the effect of "you two should get married" and kinda destroyed things in that respect.... but made for a good, awkward laugh.
Still super-excited about Warped Tour. Every time it comes up I get really excited. The only band I know from it is Dillinger Escape Plan, and they're pretty cool but I have to be in a special mood to listen to that kind of screaming music.... oh hey, I've also heard of Dropkick Murphey, ... Bring me the Horizon, ... Alkaline Trio, Anti-Flag,... Attack Attack, and... Haste the Day. I'm looking at the website now. The other bands I plan on looking into are NeverShoutNever, Eyes Set to Kill, and Burning Empires.
"band-name band-name band-name"
"I like... cloth..."
What a contrast, I'm listening to Owl City right now. Sortof Reminisce of living with Shane. Shane, this is all your fault.
Mom brought up Gavin in a conversation today, and she only mentioned the state so I thought she was talking about Lani (I was mixed up). For a second there, I had a surprisingly vivid and heightened sense of my emotional state and it was pins and needles. I shook it off almost literally. I didn't mention her name, only her state in response to mom and Hyewon's noticing my apparent change of state. Hyewon said she wants to hear that story. idk. I might tell her if she brings it up when mom isn't around lol. I get kinda sick at how much I secretly enjoy venting on the subject. Really, it's not a good feeling, but it's a good release of a bad feeling.
I feel like I want to write more tonight, but I can't think of what to write about....
Oh, well, today was officially the last day of CalcII, and I have a feeling I passed with flying colors. If non-LeTU classes are this easy everywhere... man, I could be getting a 4.0 or more and be paying half as much. I am almost positive I will be skipping the final. I pick up all my grades next Tuesday.
Ok, I think that was it. -_-
"Lots of cabbage!"
Still super-excited about Warped Tour. Every time it comes up I get really excited. The only band I know from it is Dillinger Escape Plan, and they're pretty cool but I have to be in a special mood to listen to that kind of screaming music.... oh hey, I've also heard of Dropkick Murphey, ... Bring me the Horizon, ... Alkaline Trio, Anti-Flag,... Attack Attack, and... Haste the Day. I'm looking at the website now. The other bands I plan on looking into are NeverShoutNever, Eyes Set to Kill, and Burning Empires.
"band-name band-name band-name"
"I like... cloth..."
What a contrast, I'm listening to Owl City right now. Sortof Reminisce of living with Shane. Shane, this is all your fault.
Mom brought up Gavin in a conversation today, and she only mentioned the state so I thought she was talking about Lani (I was mixed up). For a second there, I had a surprisingly vivid and heightened sense of my emotional state and it was pins and needles. I shook it off almost literally. I didn't mention her name, only her state in response to mom and Hyewon's noticing my apparent change of state. Hyewon said she wants to hear that story. idk. I might tell her if she brings it up when mom isn't around lol. I get kinda sick at how much I secretly enjoy venting on the subject. Really, it's not a good feeling, but it's a good release of a bad feeling.
I feel like I want to write more tonight, but I can't think of what to write about....
Oh, well, today was officially the last day of CalcII, and I have a feeling I passed with flying colors. If non-LeTU classes are this easy everywhere... man, I could be getting a 4.0 or more and be paying half as much. I am almost positive I will be skipping the final. I pick up all my grades next Tuesday.
Ok, I think that was it. -_-
"Lots of cabbage!"
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Last night I had a dream that inspired me as to what I will say to Hyewon this Friday. It's kinda perfect, but I'll wait till I get a chance to say it before I post it here, because I might chicken out and say something else depending on the circumstances.
I'm writing my blog on the patio tonight. It's really warm and the mountains are invisible behind a gray and blue mist. I can hear some people's voices echoing intermittently as people walk in and out of their apartments around, and the sound of constant traffic on the highway about 75 yards from here. (as in 225 feet).
Today my mom and I had dentist appointments, and she freaked out the entire time about every little thing. I had a hard time not letting it stress me out, too. In fact.... it did really stress me out, but I would tell her so and she would cut it out for a minute or two and then start again; "are we gonna make the bus in time?!" "where's your backpack?!" "how do I know when to get off the bus?!"
Well, I did lose my backpack, but after she said it was stupid for me to lose my backpack and asked several times why I would ever ever put my back pack down "ever", we found out it was at Walmart.. right where I left it lol jk. I went back to get it. Nothing lost; not a huge deal, I think. Something I should be more careful about, though.
I have some Calculus homework due tomorrow that I will probably not get done on time. I plan to copy as many answers as I can out of the book and BS the other problems. If I just write my name on the test tomorrow I will be able to skip the final. However, I don't necessarily plan on doing that.
That's all for tonight. I suppose I will get started on that homework. Besides, every time I exhale out here another bug comes to bite me.
"Right now we are just waiting for the city."
I'm writing my blog on the patio tonight. It's really warm and the mountains are invisible behind a gray and blue mist. I can hear some people's voices echoing intermittently as people walk in and out of their apartments around, and the sound of constant traffic on the highway about 75 yards from here. (as in 225 feet).
Today my mom and I had dentist appointments, and she freaked out the entire time about every little thing. I had a hard time not letting it stress me out, too. In fact.... it did really stress me out, but I would tell her so and she would cut it out for a minute or two and then start again; "are we gonna make the bus in time?!" "where's your backpack?!" "how do I know when to get off the bus?!"
Well, I did lose my backpack, but after she said it was stupid for me to lose my backpack and asked several times why I would ever ever put my back pack down "ever", we found out it was at Walmart.. right where I left it lol jk. I went back to get it. Nothing lost; not a huge deal, I think. Something I should be more careful about, though.
I have some Calculus homework due tomorrow that I will probably not get done on time. I plan to copy as many answers as I can out of the book and BS the other problems. If I just write my name on the test tomorrow I will be able to skip the final. However, I don't necessarily plan on doing that.
That's all for tonight. I suppose I will get started on that homework. Besides, every time I exhale out here another bug comes to bite me.
"Right now we are just waiting for the city."
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
... *sigh* I chickened out.
She changed the time and location of our meeting last minute and she had a friend with us and she was being mopey about her school situation. I was nervous and it just wasn't good timing.
To make matters worse, CalcII today was brutal. I literally have a headache from all that. I just want to fall asleep forever.
I meet her again on Friday, and I plan to give it another shot. I prayed most of the day, but I guess it just wasn't God's timing. Oh well.... God knows.
"I am the counselor and you will LIKE IT!"
She changed the time and location of our meeting last minute and she had a friend with us and she was being mopey about her school situation. I was nervous and it just wasn't good timing.
To make matters worse, CalcII today was brutal. I literally have a headache from all that. I just want to fall asleep forever.
I meet her again on Friday, and I plan to give it another shot. I prayed most of the day, but I guess it just wasn't God's timing. Oh well.... God knows.
"I am the counselor and you will LIKE IT!"
Monday, July 26, 2010
Today was just junk food, Facebook, Movies, Glenn Beck, and somewhere in there time stopped long enough for me to do Calculus. I enjoyed today, no doubt, but I hope this doesn't happen for very many consecutive days.
Tomorrow I meet up with Hyewon for Korean Lesson again. I haven't studied..... but I will tomorrow morning haha. Probably not the best start to tomorrows lesson or the thing with me trying to talk to her. I'm just gonna do my best to judge her mood and make sure it's cool. I'm thinking about bringing along my computer to introduce her to some music. I know she likes pop, so idk. It depends... ugh. Maybe I just won't. You know, she's awesome, but it might not be too bad to just be friends for a while longer. even if it means it'll be a much much much longer time...... idk. idk. idk.
"Are you the artist?"
"Some might say that."
"What do you do?"
"Well, I'll show you who you really are."
Tomorrow I meet up with Hyewon for Korean Lesson again. I haven't studied..... but I will tomorrow morning haha. Probably not the best start to tomorrows lesson or the thing with me trying to talk to her. I'm just gonna do my best to judge her mood and make sure it's cool. I'm thinking about bringing along my computer to introduce her to some music. I know she likes pop, so idk. It depends... ugh. Maybe I just won't. You know, she's awesome, but it might not be too bad to just be friends for a while longer. even if it means it'll be a much much much longer time...... idk. idk. idk.
"Are you the artist?"
"Some might say that."
"What do you do?"
"Well, I'll show you who you really are."
This post is kindof for yesterday. Not much happened just church and homework and James Bond on TV. I found out that Hyewon is moving in two Fridays from now, which relieves some pressure on my part, but at the same time.. I wonder if it would be better to tell her soon or later. I guess the only thing I would be risking is her not moving in because of the awkward. Anyway, I still think I'll just try to have the conversation with her this Tuesday. I think there is no right way to ask, I'm just gonna wing it.
Right now my mom is doing stuff for Tricare. She is so strict about what goes on those forms. I mean, honestly.. what is Tricare gonna do if there is a smiley face in my address?
Still kindof going through little depressed moments when I think about Lani. They are less and less frequent, but each time I try to think about how I can make things better with us I cant. I feel like a small part of me is missing when we aren't talking all the time, but I guess that's just the way these things go. I wonder what the future holds... Several good friends of mine are moving to AL, and I might end up going there for a while when I finish college. I wonder if I will have the nerve to see Lani while I'm there, or if she will still be with that guy, and if she ever does break up with him... what will happen to us? I don't intend to ever take her back if she tries to fix things with me... but somehow I still think there would be a real beauty in the poetic justice of our meeting in person.
I wanted to fly out and meet a few people this summer before I went to Korea, and I really had plans to hit Alabama, then Pennsylvania, then some other places... Idk where, but I would get in touch with my friends and find out. Lani cutting things off kindof stopped all my plans in that respect. I guess I will just go to Korea.
"These heavy wings get lighter"
Right now my mom is doing stuff for Tricare. She is so strict about what goes on those forms. I mean, honestly.. what is Tricare gonna do if there is a smiley face in my address?
Still kindof going through little depressed moments when I think about Lani. They are less and less frequent, but each time I try to think about how I can make things better with us I cant. I feel like a small part of me is missing when we aren't talking all the time, but I guess that's just the way these things go. I wonder what the future holds... Several good friends of mine are moving to AL, and I might end up going there for a while when I finish college. I wonder if I will have the nerve to see Lani while I'm there, or if she will still be with that guy, and if she ever does break up with him... what will happen to us? I don't intend to ever take her back if she tries to fix things with me... but somehow I still think there would be a real beauty in the poetic justice of our meeting in person.
I wanted to fly out and meet a few people this summer before I went to Korea, and I really had plans to hit Alabama, then Pennsylvania, then some other places... Idk where, but I would get in touch with my friends and find out. Lani cutting things off kindof stopped all my plans in that respect. I guess I will just go to Korea.
"These heavy wings get lighter"
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Today I got one assignment done (as opposed to my planned 2, which means I'm going to have to do double on Monday, since Sunday is a "difficult-to-get-anything-done" day.
The girls were here this morning still. Mom let them spend the night, which moved me to sleeping in Dad's room.... ...
Hung out with Gabrielle alittle bit this evening. We went and got ice cream and I asked her about this guy she has mentioned recently in quizzes we have taken. (we send each other quizzes that we find online.). She said she still has a crush on me. I played it cool and we still enjoyed the rest of the evening. I have to admit... I can't foresee us being together again, but I told her that we never know... because we don't. God works in mysterious ways.
Hold on: text message.
That was NK.. She says she wants to continue Korean lessons when I get there, and I think that there's little I would like more. She was a good friend, and fun to hang out with... even though things seemed alittle awkward with her for some reason. I assume it's because I was a freshman and still awkward, and she was my first experience with a native Korean. I still can't read Koreans like I can Americans, but I'm slowly getting better.
However, there's a slight social problem with her proposal. I have been taking Korean lessons from Hyewon, and I might have a "thing" with Hyewon and etc etc. She says she might be coming to Korea around October, and if she wants to continue Korean lessons when she gets there, Idk what I will do. It could potentially hurt the feelings of either her or NK to be rejected on account of another teacher... lol. Sounds kinda funny said that way. Anyway, I think that this potentially precarious predicament mandates that I resolve the relationship situation between me and Hyewon. I have a good idea of how I will approach the subject, but I don't know if I want to find out that she isn't interested in me before she moves in or right before I leave.
... that's the wrong attitude. *confidence!*.
Well, the way I see it, if I try to have the talk with her before she moves in, then if she likes me I'm safe and just have to agree with her that we will not act like a couple while we are in the apartment, or, for that matter, on the apartment complex grounds. (I don think I wold want that while we live together.... is that weird?) If she doesn't like me, then I have to cover my butt by explaining to her that I am more than capable of being a gentleman and staying out of her way so that we can both endure the inevitably awkward situation to come (or, ideally but maybe wishful thinking: things aren't awkward and they just continue like they've been going.) However, a worst case scenario is that she decides not to move in. I find that unlikely, but if she does... the place where she lives is so dangerous. It would just kill me if she were to stay there much longer.
On the other hand.... If I have the discussion with her right before I leave, then.... well.... that's just tacky, and by then her plans will be more set-in-stone in her mind for coming to Korea to hang out with me if she can (because I will be about to leave), and maybe it will hurt more if she doesn't like me back, but if she does like me, well then we start off our relationship with goodbye and it's long distance which sucks. hmmm... so far, first option is better.
Third option: I don't tell her. I suck it up and "admit defeat" (if you will). The problem with this plan is that if she does like me.... well, I could be missing out on something beautiful. She is -such- a great girl.
A possible fourth option is that I could talk to her about it when we are both in Korea, but there are just too many variables, and I feel like the potential for a relationship is hanging on the next few weeks.
Ok.... Heh, this is why I keep a blog. So, examining the options, it seems that my best choice is to go through with telling her before hand. I hate to think that I would be "accepting the risk" of her leaving. In fact, if I end up talking to her about it, my only opportunity will be this Tuesday. She moves in on Friday. If I talk to her before then, (just being honest with myself here..) I will be forcing myself to ignore the worst-case scenario. I will try really really hard not to think about it. I wish I knew how relationships started in Korea. I wonder if the guy is expected to make the first move, like a classic gentleman.
Oh well. I'll write more on Tues. Pray for the situation and pray that God will give me wisdom.
"The Queen of Hearts and her dead, sleeping, f*ing Red King. Does it make any more sense now than it ever did?.... no."
The girls were here this morning still. Mom let them spend the night, which moved me to sleeping in Dad's room.... ...
Hung out with Gabrielle alittle bit this evening. We went and got ice cream and I asked her about this guy she has mentioned recently in quizzes we have taken. (we send each other quizzes that we find online.). She said she still has a crush on me. I played it cool and we still enjoyed the rest of the evening. I have to admit... I can't foresee us being together again, but I told her that we never know... because we don't. God works in mysterious ways.
Hold on: text message.
That was NK.. She says she wants to continue Korean lessons when I get there, and I think that there's little I would like more. She was a good friend, and fun to hang out with... even though things seemed alittle awkward with her for some reason. I assume it's because I was a freshman and still awkward, and she was my first experience with a native Korean. I still can't read Koreans like I can Americans, but I'm slowly getting better.
However, there's a slight social problem with her proposal. I have been taking Korean lessons from Hyewon, and I might have a "thing" with Hyewon and etc etc. She says she might be coming to Korea around October, and if she wants to continue Korean lessons when she gets there, Idk what I will do. It could potentially hurt the feelings of either her or NK to be rejected on account of another teacher... lol. Sounds kinda funny said that way. Anyway, I think that this potentially precarious predicament mandates that I resolve the relationship situation between me and Hyewon. I have a good idea of how I will approach the subject, but I don't know if I want to find out that she isn't interested in me before she moves in or right before I leave.
... that's the wrong attitude. *confidence!*.
Well, the way I see it, if I try to have the talk with her before she moves in, then if she likes me I'm safe and just have to agree with her that we will not act like a couple while we are in the apartment, or, for that matter, on the apartment complex grounds. (I don think I wold want that while we live together.... is that weird?) If she doesn't like me, then I have to cover my butt by explaining to her that I am more than capable of being a gentleman and staying out of her way so that we can both endure the inevitably awkward situation to come (or, ideally but maybe wishful thinking: things aren't awkward and they just continue like they've been going.) However, a worst case scenario is that she decides not to move in. I find that unlikely, but if she does... the place where she lives is so dangerous. It would just kill me if she were to stay there much longer.
On the other hand.... If I have the discussion with her right before I leave, then.... well.... that's just tacky, and by then her plans will be more set-in-stone in her mind for coming to Korea to hang out with me if she can (because I will be about to leave), and maybe it will hurt more if she doesn't like me back, but if she does like me, well then we start off our relationship with goodbye and it's long distance which sucks. hmmm... so far, first option is better.
Third option: I don't tell her. I suck it up and "admit defeat" (if you will). The problem with this plan is that if she does like me.... well, I could be missing out on something beautiful. She is -such- a great girl.
A possible fourth option is that I could talk to her about it when we are both in Korea, but there are just too many variables, and I feel like the potential for a relationship is hanging on the next few weeks.
Ok.... Heh, this is why I keep a blog. So, examining the options, it seems that my best choice is to go through with telling her before hand. I hate to think that I would be "accepting the risk" of her leaving. In fact, if I end up talking to her about it, my only opportunity will be this Tuesday. She moves in on Friday. If I talk to her before then, (just being honest with myself here..) I will be forcing myself to ignore the worst-case scenario. I will try really really hard not to think about it. I wish I knew how relationships started in Korea. I wonder if the guy is expected to make the first move, like a classic gentleman.
Oh well. I'll write more on Tues. Pray for the situation and pray that God will give me wisdom.
"The Queen of Hearts and her dead, sleeping, f*ing Red King. Does it make any more sense now than it ever did?.... no."
Friday, July 23, 2010
Score!! The concert is the day before the troubled kids camp! I'm totally excited. Now, just to clear the date and time with Hyewon, secure my ride, and come up with the money. XD Dillinger Escape Plan is playing, and I intend to be listening when they do.
Today, the jh girls were over and I didn't get any homework done. That means tomorrow I get to do double unless something else comes up, and I have the feeling I'm forgetting some kind of plan we have for tomorrow.... They made me run into the pool and I got a goose egg on my forehead, and I have to keep getting my mom to tell them to stop climbing on me.
I'm ready for this week to end so I can hang out with Hyewon more. lol.
I went to talk to the Mormon Pastor the other day, I was just curious as to what he would say if he were witnessing to me. Now some Mormon missionaries want to meet with me. I said I'll bite. This should be interesting. I think I'm just gonna approach it by giving them the presupposition that I don't know anything about LDS, allowing that I have a fair knowledge of scripture, and let them present it to me as they would any other interested Baptist. I've already had to last-minute postpone on them twice, so we decided I'd just last-minute schedule with them when I can.
Well alright. I'm hungry and tired...
"Like a cheesy, church pep-video."
Today, the jh girls were over and I didn't get any homework done. That means tomorrow I get to do double unless something else comes up, and I have the feeling I'm forgetting some kind of plan we have for tomorrow.... They made me run into the pool and I got a goose egg on my forehead, and I have to keep getting my mom to tell them to stop climbing on me.
I'm ready for this week to end so I can hang out with Hyewon more. lol.
I went to talk to the Mormon Pastor the other day, I was just curious as to what he would say if he were witnessing to me. Now some Mormon missionaries want to meet with me. I said I'll bite. This should be interesting. I think I'm just gonna approach it by giving them the presupposition that I don't know anything about LDS, allowing that I have a fair knowledge of scripture, and let them present it to me as they would any other interested Baptist. I've already had to last-minute postpone on them twice, so we decided I'd just last-minute schedule with them when I can.
Well alright. I'm hungry and tired...
"Like a cheesy, church pep-video."
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Today I found out that Warped Tour is coming to SLC on August 9th. I have just under 1 dollar in my checking right now, but I intend to have about $60 by the 5th of August, and if that works out I will be able to buy tickets for both me and Hyewon. (I know, cheap, right? Maybe I just don't know... but I remember paying like 40 or 50 per ticket for the last Deathcab concert I attended.) She says she would like to come if we can, and Tyler says he can give me a ride. On the other hand, I would be leaving that troubled kid's camp for those hours to see the concert....*guilt*....Anyway, I'll have more updates on that later.
Tomorrow morning my mom is having all her JH Bible study girls over. That's gonna suck...
I have 7 assignments left in Calc II. All due next Thursday, as that is the date of the next-to-final exam. If I get an 80 or higher on this exam, I will be able to skip the final and still have anywhere from a B to a low A. The professor said that for anyone with an average above 85, he would just give them a decent grade on the final. He wrote up an agreeable and surprisingly fair formula for determining the grade on the final for people with those grades, but I can't really remember it right now.
I should really go to bed.... but I don't want tomorrow to come....... I just want to skip life until after class next Thurs. Then, on Friday, we are moving Hyewon's stuff into our apartment. I really don't plan on letting that go anywhere... I guess I kinda lose track of my plans in that respect when I'm around her. I kinda came up with a speech... it'll probably be something like 'what's the deal with us?'.... or hopefully something better than that. haha. uh.. I'm done.
"They don't tell you about that."
Tomorrow morning my mom is having all her JH Bible study girls over. That's gonna suck...
I have 7 assignments left in Calc II. All due next Thursday, as that is the date of the next-to-final exam. If I get an 80 or higher on this exam, I will be able to skip the final and still have anywhere from a B to a low A. The professor said that for anyone with an average above 85, he would just give them a decent grade on the final. He wrote up an agreeable and surprisingly fair formula for determining the grade on the final for people with those grades, but I can't really remember it right now.
I should really go to bed.... but I don't want tomorrow to come....... I just want to skip life until after class next Thurs. Then, on Friday, we are moving Hyewon's stuff into our apartment. I really don't plan on letting that go anywhere... I guess I kinda lose track of my plans in that respect when I'm around her. I kinda came up with a speech... it'll probably be something like 'what's the deal with us?'.... or hopefully something better than that. haha. uh.. I'm done.
"They don't tell you about that."
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Man, I had such a great day today. Like any great party, Tyler's get-together at the Gateway Mall started out a little slow, but it ended great. The party wasn't all together the whole time, but it was ok. We were all sortof encouraged to go do what we wanted, and I wanted to stay around Hyewon. She looked good like usual. She didn't wear that perfume today, or I didn't catch it like I have before, but it was still cool. We were a little more flirty today, which made for a lot of fun. She wore the earrings that I complimented her on we first met, but didn't paint her nails or anything. She totally kicked my butt at DDR. I should have guessed, I suppose, that she would be incredible at that. And she won a very close game of pool, which we had been meaning to play ever since she told me her dad owned a billiards club. I'm not entirely sure if she was going easy on me or not, but it came down the just the 8 ball and I should have made the last shot. As a result of that loss, I owe her a homemade dinner of her choice, and she said she wanted to try some of my house-famous shrimp and chicken stir-fry (which is more like "infamous" but I plan on making it better this time). I'm gonna get online and look for tips to make it better... maybe ask my mom... You know, though... I know you might be thinking it's obvious, but I still don't know if she thinks we are just really good friends or if she "likes" me. I think she knows what I think of her; on the ride home I got caught once or twice kindof staring at her (nothing inappropriate: face.), and I've done a few other things which more-than-likely would cue her to think that. I honestly was just tired and forgot to not stare. Well, she said that she had a lot of fun, which made the day for me.
The more I think about that the more I realize that I am setting myself up for some kind of heartbreak. She says that if she passes the English Exam, she will be able to finish her first semester by October, which would mean she could come back to Korea and hang out with me until December, then come back to America in spring and take her second semester living with my parents (meaning I could visit every single chance).
Right now, the course of action I'm tossing back and forth in my head is to just sit down and talk with her, which is something that doesn't always work. haha.. but past experience has shown that, if I can communicate clearly, being straight-forward and open is usually the best policy. I would say something like this:
"..."
...Well, I can't come up with anything right now, but I'm tired... I typed a few things and then erased them. Maybe I will have something together before I actually talk to her.
All that, but it was hot today and I got sweaty. I'm gonna go take a shower before bed.
"This is always the way. It never changes."
ETA. Oh yeah! I almost forgot to mention, I mean to call Dan tomorrow if I get the chance. I hope I get the chance.
The more I think about that the more I realize that I am setting myself up for some kind of heartbreak. She says that if she passes the English Exam, she will be able to finish her first semester by October, which would mean she could come back to Korea and hang out with me until December, then come back to America in spring and take her second semester living with my parents (meaning I could visit every single chance).
Right now, the course of action I'm tossing back and forth in my head is to just sit down and talk with her, which is something that doesn't always work. haha.. but past experience has shown that, if I can communicate clearly, being straight-forward and open is usually the best policy. I would say something like this:
"..."
...Well, I can't come up with anything right now, but I'm tired... I typed a few things and then erased them. Maybe I will have something together before I actually talk to her.
All that, but it was hot today and I got sweaty. I'm gonna go take a shower before bed.
"This is always the way. It never changes."
ETA. Oh yeah! I almost forgot to mention, I mean to call Dan tomorrow if I get the chance. I hope I get the chance.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
So, if you'll excuse my saying, the new Kingdom Hearts commercial is totally badass:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LdcArkLDAJk&feature=related
Today I had Calculus and had to pee the entire time. Couldn't really focus.. And on top of that I was having kindof a mini-crisis over something I said to Hyewon that I thought could be misinterpreted. Well, she didn't misinterpret it. After class I went and found her studying in the Student Center and tried to talk to her about it. I think she kindof gets it, but I am pretty sure I made things worse, lol. Really, it's no big deal. She's pretty amazing. Every time I hang out with her, I am more and more impressed by the way she is composed. I am kindof fighting the idea that I might have a crush on her, but on the other hand.... what could it hurt, right? Well, at any rate I won't be able to do anything about it until after this Fall.
I'm praying for her now, not only for safety, but also that she will do well on her English exam which she will be taking very soon. If she fails the exam, she will have to go back to Korea immediately (because of a rather complicated situation involving money and idk what else), and her self-esteem will be pretty much gone. If she passes, she will be here in America for another few years doing school. Pray for that, please.
Also, I'm still praying for a few other people, maybe a reader can pray for them as well?
Somang, for her to find happiness and security in God's Love.
NK, just for whatever. God to do good stuff for her.
Gana with her long-distance relationship. Pray that goes really well and that God keeps the distance from being unbearable.
Dan and Steph and Gwen, that they will be great parents and that God will bless them every step of the way and that Gwen will grow up to be a great, Godly woman.
Jess, for safety and job-security and a continually growing relationship between her and God.
Idk. I'm sure I'm forgetting a few people. I had a list saved on my computer at college, but I don't really have access to that now. Of course, safety for all of them.
"The pain was gone the instant she cleared her throat to speak her name."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LdcArkLDAJk&feature=related
Today I had Calculus and had to pee the entire time. Couldn't really focus.. And on top of that I was having kindof a mini-crisis over something I said to Hyewon that I thought could be misinterpreted. Well, she didn't misinterpret it. After class I went and found her studying in the Student Center and tried to talk to her about it. I think she kindof gets it, but I am pretty sure I made things worse, lol. Really, it's no big deal. She's pretty amazing. Every time I hang out with her, I am more and more impressed by the way she is composed. I am kindof fighting the idea that I might have a crush on her, but on the other hand.... what could it hurt, right? Well, at any rate I won't be able to do anything about it until after this Fall.
I'm praying for her now, not only for safety, but also that she will do well on her English exam which she will be taking very soon. If she fails the exam, she will have to go back to Korea immediately (because of a rather complicated situation involving money and idk what else), and her self-esteem will be pretty much gone. If she passes, she will be here in America for another few years doing school. Pray for that, please.
Also, I'm still praying for a few other people, maybe a reader can pray for them as well?
Somang, for her to find happiness and security in God's Love.
NK, just for whatever. God to do good stuff for her.
Gana with her long-distance relationship. Pray that goes really well and that God keeps the distance from being unbearable.
Dan and Steph and Gwen, that they will be great parents and that God will bless them every step of the way and that Gwen will grow up to be a great, Godly woman.
Jess, for safety and job-security and a continually growing relationship between her and God.
Idk. I'm sure I'm forgetting a few people. I had a list saved on my computer at college, but I don't really have access to that now. Of course, safety for all of them.
"The pain was gone the instant she cleared her throat to speak her name."
Ok, so I know I prattled on this alot when I first started this blog, but I have recently felt that it deserves reiteration.
People in general are stupid. We all know it. We look on the news and wonder "what is the world coming to?". Everybody knows that it's only "me" and "my friends" who are normal (or weird, but..) and who aren't the same as all those idiots out there. That guy in his car next to you at the stop light is thinking it; that girl at the library is thinking it. It's especially apparent in people who are given to road rage. In a sense, however, there is truth to it. Groups of people are stupid. It is always the individual who is the sane one.
Now lets examine the government. Congress is full of Criminals. The members of congress are thieves, liars, adulterers, spouse abusers, felons, convicted of racketeering, and given to bribes. Hold on, I'll find a source for you: http://dda.wwco.com/~dda/criminals.php
But honestly, it is nearly impossible to elect someone good into high levels of government. It is. Why would we elect anyone to hold office who is diluted enough to think that they deserve to be in control of everyone? I submit that a huge majority, if not all of the people in office right now are textbook narcissists. The only way, with maybe an exception or two, we could get someone really good in office is to elect someone who doesn't want to be there in the first place. George Washington didn't want to be president, and he was great. Moses didn't want to rescue the Israelites, and he is one of the greatest, longest remembered and most widely recognized (that is, even among multiple religions) leaders of all time.
Ok. Let's take my first point from another angle. The world is evil. In a sense, thinking like that is just being street smart, but in another way it's a part of the problem. People abuse the system (welfare as an example); people abuse their wives or kids; people abuse themselves. What a sick world, right? On the other hand, we are all the same. I and that murderer on death-row are the same. You are the same as that boy who, with his group of confused friends, beats up strangers in the park. Even the Bible says "when you have broken one of my commandments, you have broken all of them". We are all equally evil. I am the same as the men in congress. I could do no better, given the opportunity.
What then? What can we do?
Nope. It's hopeless. There is absolutely nothing that you or I can do to solve the problem. We are all doomed to wander this planet without safety or real, complete and unwavering love coming from any earthly sources. Even if we got everyone in America united toward that cause, there are always fakers and liars and trend-followers who will leave you as soon as you run into opposition and then what will you do? Kill the people who oppose you? All we can do is live our lives and try to do some good wherever we can... hoping that it gets payed forward. Eventually, we will die and therein lies our freedom....... you know... that's not to say that you should commit suicide or anything. It's just kinda the way it is.
However, I have noticed that at a certain age, even people like me stop hating everyone else. Something happens to people around 26 or so where they just begin to accept everything and their lives are happier for it. In a way, I don't want that to ever happen, but knowing the hopelessness of the situation.... maybe it is the best thing.
"It's different this time"
People in general are stupid. We all know it. We look on the news and wonder "what is the world coming to?". Everybody knows that it's only "me" and "my friends" who are normal (or weird, but..) and who aren't the same as all those idiots out there. That guy in his car next to you at the stop light is thinking it; that girl at the library is thinking it. It's especially apparent in people who are given to road rage. In a sense, however, there is truth to it. Groups of people are stupid. It is always the individual who is the sane one.
Now lets examine the government. Congress is full of Criminals. The members of congress are thieves, liars, adulterers, spouse abusers, felons, convicted of racketeering, and given to bribes. Hold on, I'll find a source for you: http://dda.wwco.com/~dda/criminals.php
But honestly, it is nearly impossible to elect someone good into high levels of government. It is. Why would we elect anyone to hold office who is diluted enough to think that they deserve to be in control of everyone? I submit that a huge majority, if not all of the people in office right now are textbook narcissists. The only way, with maybe an exception or two, we could get someone really good in office is to elect someone who doesn't want to be there in the first place. George Washington didn't want to be president, and he was great. Moses didn't want to rescue the Israelites, and he is one of the greatest, longest remembered and most widely recognized (that is, even among multiple religions) leaders of all time.
Ok. Let's take my first point from another angle. The world is evil. In a sense, thinking like that is just being street smart, but in another way it's a part of the problem. People abuse the system (welfare as an example); people abuse their wives or kids; people abuse themselves. What a sick world, right? On the other hand, we are all the same. I and that murderer on death-row are the same. You are the same as that boy who, with his group of confused friends, beats up strangers in the park. Even the Bible says "when you have broken one of my commandments, you have broken all of them". We are all equally evil. I am the same as the men in congress. I could do no better, given the opportunity.
What then? What can we do?
Nope. It's hopeless. There is absolutely nothing that you or I can do to solve the problem. We are all doomed to wander this planet without safety or real, complete and unwavering love coming from any earthly sources. Even if we got everyone in America united toward that cause, there are always fakers and liars and trend-followers who will leave you as soon as you run into opposition and then what will you do? Kill the people who oppose you? All we can do is live our lives and try to do some good wherever we can... hoping that it gets payed forward. Eventually, we will die and therein lies our freedom....... you know... that's not to say that you should commit suicide or anything. It's just kinda the way it is.
However, I have noticed that at a certain age, even people like me stop hating everyone else. Something happens to people around 26 or so where they just begin to accept everything and their lives are happier for it. In a way, I don't want that to ever happen, but knowing the hopelessness of the situation.... maybe it is the best thing.
"It's different this time"
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Didn't post for the past couple days 'cause nothing has happened :P
Tonight, Lindsey and her brother, Chris, and her mom are all staying at my place because they have stuff to do tomorrow in SLC. We haven't really talked, and I don't think we are going to this time... but idk. She -has- been really busy lately.... :# idk. I need to clean out my ears. brb.........
So this Tuesday is Tyler Wyman's birthday, and he is having a party for it on Wednesday at the gateway. He is bringing a few friends and his girlfriend, but he said I could bring a friend too since I don't really know his friends. I am going to bring Hyewon. She says she can come, so I am looking forward to it. However, things might get alittle weird depending on what he decides to bring up in front of her. He could seriously embarrass me if he wanted to. lol, last time he was here I joked with him and (by proxy) his girlfriend (she was on the phone) about how she and I were secretly madly in love and all that was left was for her to confess her undying love for me in front of him. I've never met his girlfriend, but she took the jokes gracefully, and I think that we'll get along.
I'm the only one in the house who isn't in bed. To be honest, I'm alittle embarrassed by that, but for some reason, I just wanted to blog tonight.
heh, well, I guess that's all. :P night
Tonight, Lindsey and her brother, Chris, and her mom are all staying at my place because they have stuff to do tomorrow in SLC. We haven't really talked, and I don't think we are going to this time... but idk. She -has- been really busy lately.... :# idk. I need to clean out my ears. brb.........
So this Tuesday is Tyler Wyman's birthday, and he is having a party for it on Wednesday at the gateway. He is bringing a few friends and his girlfriend, but he said I could bring a friend too since I don't really know his friends. I am going to bring Hyewon. She says she can come, so I am looking forward to it. However, things might get alittle weird depending on what he decides to bring up in front of her. He could seriously embarrass me if he wanted to. lol, last time he was here I joked with him and (by proxy) his girlfriend (she was on the phone) about how she and I were secretly madly in love and all that was left was for her to confess her undying love for me in front of him. I've never met his girlfriend, but she took the jokes gracefully, and I think that we'll get along.
I'm the only one in the house who isn't in bed. To be honest, I'm alittle embarrassed by that, but for some reason, I just wanted to blog tonight.
heh, well, I guess that's all. :P night
Friday, July 16, 2010
Got all my visa stuff done today as far as I know. I thought it was done yesterday, but I guess not.
Hung out with Hyewon for most of today again. She did that thing again "do you..." and this time I tried to talk it out of her and she kinda got quiet and then said something unrelated to anything. I went on as if it was nothing.. We were at the community college at the time..... Actually... you know, it was probably nothing.
Around lunch time we were standing at a bus stop and this black guy walked by and yelled some profanities at me and Hyewon (without breaking stride no less). He had been mumbling before he got to us, and about 30 yards off he turned and yelled back some more really foul things. I was more shocked about that than I have been in a long time. Like, it took me a good couple minutes to get over it. The things he said were just so incredibly foul and wrong.
Hyewon made me Korean Bacon today. It was delicious, as usual. Then we went and got coffee. I bought hers. Someone pointed out to me that God must have had a plan for me to come here to SLCC instead of HACC. I think that whatever happens, Hyewon is a part of that plan. Right now, my prayer is that God please keep her safe.
Went to B&N today and bought Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I can't wait to get started
"I wish I knew"
Hung out with Hyewon for most of today again. She did that thing again "do you..." and this time I tried to talk it out of her and she kinda got quiet and then said something unrelated to anything. I went on as if it was nothing.. We were at the community college at the time..... Actually... you know, it was probably nothing.
Around lunch time we were standing at a bus stop and this black guy walked by and yelled some profanities at me and Hyewon (without breaking stride no less). He had been mumbling before he got to us, and about 30 yards off he turned and yelled back some more really foul things. I was more shocked about that than I have been in a long time. Like, it took me a good couple minutes to get over it. The things he said were just so incredibly foul and wrong.
Hyewon made me Korean Bacon today. It was delicious, as usual. Then we went and got coffee. I bought hers. Someone pointed out to me that God must have had a plan for me to come here to SLCC instead of HACC. I think that whatever happens, Hyewon is a part of that plan. Right now, my prayer is that God please keep her safe.
Went to B&N today and bought Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I can't wait to get started
"I wish I knew"
Thursday, July 15, 2010
I keep wanting to feel relieved that my Visa application is finally complete to the best standards we could muster (given very sparse help from the actual ROK Consulate). The Consulate I had to send it to is in San Francisco, because that is the district under which Utah is covered or something. The California ROK Consulate covers a huge area.
Anyway, I just can't help but think how the job isn't over until I actually have the Visa and am on the plane to Korea... Oh the future. It's a hard thing not to worry about, even though you know it is completely out of your control... well except that you do your best to keep it from going bad. Just taking one day at a time, I guess... oh pooh. I just had a conversation with Hyewon about taking one day at a time. She is failing some of her classes and says it's really hurting her self esteem. It's cool, though, because she took 18 hours this semester and is working 3 jobs. I mean, she is an insanely hard-worker and her grades are bound to slip alot. She just has to take life alittle slower, and cross bridges as they come.
I am alittle behind on my homework, so I will have to do at least one assignment per day this weekend. The assignments take me about 2 hours to complete, each, so It's gonna suck. I guess they'd take about 30 mins to an hour if I used my calculator, but we aren't allowed to use calculators on the test, so I don't.
Lindsey and I still haven't talked. At this point, I think I might almost be relieved if she were after some other guy on Dugway. I don't think I'm gonna write anymore about that until something happens. Oddly, her brother has talked to me a little more lately. Not about anything important, but he has texted.
"Don't forget to entertain strangers, for some have had angels as their guests unawares."
Anyway, I just can't help but think how the job isn't over until I actually have the Visa and am on the plane to Korea... Oh the future. It's a hard thing not to worry about, even though you know it is completely out of your control... well except that you do your best to keep it from going bad. Just taking one day at a time, I guess... oh pooh. I just had a conversation with Hyewon about taking one day at a time. She is failing some of her classes and says it's really hurting her self esteem. It's cool, though, because she took 18 hours this semester and is working 3 jobs. I mean, she is an insanely hard-worker and her grades are bound to slip alot. She just has to take life alittle slower, and cross bridges as they come.
I am alittle behind on my homework, so I will have to do at least one assignment per day this weekend. The assignments take me about 2 hours to complete, each, so It's gonna suck. I guess they'd take about 30 mins to an hour if I used my calculator, but we aren't allowed to use calculators on the test, so I don't.
Lindsey and I still haven't talked. At this point, I think I might almost be relieved if she were after some other guy on Dugway. I don't think I'm gonna write anymore about that until something happens. Oddly, her brother has talked to me a little more lately. Not about anything important, but he has texted.
"Don't forget to entertain strangers, for some have had angels as their guests unawares."
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Hyewon came over to my house today and helped my mom make some food. It was pretty great:) We did our Korean study and worked out the details of her coming to stay at our apartment. She looked great and wore this perfume, and she fished for compliments like a champion. It was really winning. I had a hard time remembering how much I really don't want anything between us... Sometime during her time there, she looked at her feet and said "do you..." but didn't finish. I asked her what and she kindof laughed, but mom came in the room before I could talk it out of her.
Lindsey and I still haven't talked... I still think sometimes if she would just say so, I would stop things with every other girl at least until we have been together and broken up, or married and died. Idk. It's not "love" but I think that there is potential for it to be.
That's about all that's happening. I need to study my Korean like 5 times as much as I have been. Right now, I'm watching "Ninja Assassin". The main character is Korean. lol
I finally got the documents for my visa. I will work at getting all the paperwork and the whole package done tomorrow and mail it out. Pray for that please. I hope that there are no provlems with the whole process.
"Hate it in yourself"
Lindsey and I still haven't talked... I still think sometimes if she would just say so, I would stop things with every other girl at least until we have been together and broken up, or married and died. Idk. It's not "love" but I think that there is potential for it to be.
That's about all that's happening. I need to study my Korean like 5 times as much as I have been. Right now, I'm watching "Ninja Assassin". The main character is Korean. lol
I finally got the documents for my visa. I will work at getting all the paperwork and the whole package done tomorrow and mail it out. Pray for that please. I hope that there are no provlems with the whole process.
"Hate it in yourself"
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Watching King of the Hill. "Brought to you by the City of Arlen"
Lindsey still hasn't talked to me. I would talk to her, but I honestly don't know how I would start a conversation. I mean... I know I could probably get a good hour or two of conversation out of "what have you done this week?" but for some reason it doesn't seem appropriate until we've had some kind of more serious talk about what we think of each other, and we can't have that talk over the phone, but she lives 2 hour drive away so our options are very limited now.
My Korean teacher should be moving in around the 9th of August. Her current landlord is more and more of a creeper the more I hear about him. Gotta admit, it makes me alittle mad knowing people exist who fit that profile. Then again, I don't know anything about him that is really damning in an absolute sense, it's just he creeps like you wouldn't believe. I don't even want to talk the details (and it's not that they don't come to mind).
I went over to her place today and she cooked me some 'Bebin Bap' and it was delicious:)
The CalcII test from last week was moved today and it was pretty awesome. No calculators and problems with no clear-cut way to find the solution. Thats exactly how I like it. I could just puke. And on top of that, I didn't have the cash to by my traditional pre-test-starbucks. :(
but I got 105% on the last test, so I think I'l be fine with grades for now. Only one more test to go :O
Working at a troubled kid's camp in a few weeks. That's gonna be an adventure.
"Not what I was thinking at all."
Lindsey still hasn't talked to me. I would talk to her, but I honestly don't know how I would start a conversation. I mean... I know I could probably get a good hour or two of conversation out of "what have you done this week?" but for some reason it doesn't seem appropriate until we've had some kind of more serious talk about what we think of each other, and we can't have that talk over the phone, but she lives 2 hour drive away so our options are very limited now.
My Korean teacher should be moving in around the 9th of August. Her current landlord is more and more of a creeper the more I hear about him. Gotta admit, it makes me alittle mad knowing people exist who fit that profile. Then again, I don't know anything about him that is really damning in an absolute sense, it's just he creeps like you wouldn't believe. I don't even want to talk the details (and it's not that they don't come to mind).
I went over to her place today and she cooked me some 'Bebin Bap' and it was delicious:)
The CalcII test from last week was moved today and it was pretty awesome. No calculators and problems with no clear-cut way to find the solution. Thats exactly how I like it. I could just puke. And on top of that, I didn't have the cash to by my traditional pre-test-starbucks. :(
but I got 105% on the last test, so I think I'l be fine with grades for now. Only one more test to go :O
Working at a troubled kid's camp in a few weeks. That's gonna be an adventure.
"Not what I was thinking at all."
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Got stressed today. Had kindof a stress fit. Really, I don't have much to be stressed about I guess.... Just a whole bunch of things that are not in my hands, and a whole lot of nothing I can do about them. By stress fit, I just mean I all the sudden really wanted to get out of the house. I took a walk, then came back and left again and saw a movie, and now I have a headache.
There are a few people who I wish I was with right now. I don't mean that in a romantic way, just I wish I was with some people who aren't my parents. Actually, I'd be pretty happy seeing almost anyone at all who isn't immediately related to me. Oddly enough, I'm not sure that I would even want to see my brother or sister at this very moment (which is especially weird because I want to see them pretty much all the time). Nope, instead, maybe Tyler or Shane or Gumball or one of the other Tylers or Gavin or Gabi or NK or Somang or Hyewon or Lindsey or Ian or Sean or Stevie or even Asher.
.... yeah. I think that about covers it. I'll throw in other names as they come to me. Chris. Bryce. Remmington... maybe Colton... pretty much anyone from LeTU or maybe dugway.
Well... whatever.
I still have that headache.
This little computer is awesome.
hmm..... oh! I got picture messaging on my phone! :D
ok that's it for today.
There are a few people who I wish I was with right now. I don't mean that in a romantic way, just I wish I was with some people who aren't my parents. Actually, I'd be pretty happy seeing almost anyone at all who isn't immediately related to me. Oddly enough, I'm not sure that I would even want to see my brother or sister at this very moment (which is especially weird because I want to see them pretty much all the time). Nope, instead, maybe Tyler or Shane or Gumball or one of the other Tylers or Gavin or Gabi or NK or Somang or Hyewon or Lindsey or Ian or Sean or Stevie or even Asher.
.... yeah. I think that about covers it. I'll throw in other names as they come to me. Chris. Bryce. Remmington... maybe Colton... pretty much anyone from LeTU or maybe dugway.
Well... whatever.
I still have that headache.
This little computer is awesome.
hmm..... oh! I got picture messaging on my phone! :D
ok that's it for today.
Friday, July 9, 2010
This made me cry today:
"disappointed. mad. speechless. unconfident. shameful. dependent. hopeless. disappointed."
Found some good music today. Been getting into rap alittle more lately. Still haven't mastered differentiating between rap and hip hop and R&B and whatever other kinds. I wonder if rap people have a hard time differentiating between emo, alternative, metal, and hardcore.... and I know... rap... but seriously, some of it is pretty cool. example: listen to this song: "Chiddy Bang kids mgmt remix" or "don't let me fall" by b.o.b
Found out my Korean teacher has a crappy apartment and a potentially bad landlord. We are thinking about letting her move in to my parent's apartment. It's almost a sure thing. If she does, it will all but solidify my position as **NOT** interested in a relationship with her --at least for the next... idk probably a long time. I will try my best to be the most "hands-off", gentlemanly and **distant** tenant in the house with her. Distant in a sense, almost like a brother to a sister, but even moreso than that. Know what I mean?
I need to pray more. I haven't spent time with God like I aught to. I think a part of it is out of a really childish rebellion to my mom. She is so naggy about me doing Bible studies that I almost can't stand to do it. I prayed a bit today, and I've been doing alittle bit now and then -mostly just when I practice piano- but I plan on getting back into that on a regular basis like I used to. And.. well, I guess I'm using the term "pray" loosely. For a while there at LeTU, I was just talking to God every day while I walked and while I ate and while I sat in my room; granted he didn't talk back directly. I think that the Bible tells us to pray, and we are taught that praying means asking for things. I am positive that that is wrong. Well, I mean, it's good to ask for things. The Bible commands us to ask God for things, but I'm sure that God also likes to just hear about our day, or how much we love the weather he has given us, or how beautiful that tree right outside the dorm is (the one we walk by every single day), or even just how much we love God and wish we could tell him how much we loved him in a new way (that is, without quoting the same praises everyone else quotes). I remember praying alot about how I had a hard time Loving people the way God did, and how grateful I was that God could fill that void for me, and how I am glad that I'm not expected to be able to love like he does.. But I did often pray that God would help me to love more.
well... enough of that.
"disappointed. mad. speechless. unconfident. shameful. dependent. hopeless. disappointed."
Found some good music today. Been getting into rap alittle more lately. Still haven't mastered differentiating between rap and hip hop and R&B and whatever other kinds. I wonder if rap people have a hard time differentiating between emo, alternative, metal, and hardcore.... and I know... rap... but seriously, some of it is pretty cool. example: listen to this song: "Chiddy Bang kids mgmt remix" or "don't let me fall" by b.o.b
Found out my Korean teacher has a crappy apartment and a potentially bad landlord. We are thinking about letting her move in to my parent's apartment. It's almost a sure thing. If she does, it will all but solidify my position as **NOT** interested in a relationship with her --at least for the next... idk probably a long time. I will try my best to be the most "hands-off", gentlemanly and **distant** tenant in the house with her. Distant in a sense, almost like a brother to a sister, but even moreso than that. Know what I mean?
I need to pray more. I haven't spent time with God like I aught to. I think a part of it is out of a really childish rebellion to my mom. She is so naggy about me doing Bible studies that I almost can't stand to do it. I prayed a bit today, and I've been doing alittle bit now and then -mostly just when I practice piano- but I plan on getting back into that on a regular basis like I used to. And.. well, I guess I'm using the term "pray" loosely. For a while there at LeTU, I was just talking to God every day while I walked and while I ate and while I sat in my room; granted he didn't talk back directly. I think that the Bible tells us to pray, and we are taught that praying means asking for things. I am positive that that is wrong. Well, I mean, it's good to ask for things. The Bible commands us to ask God for things, but I'm sure that God also likes to just hear about our day, or how much we love the weather he has given us, or how beautiful that tree right outside the dorm is (the one we walk by every single day), or even just how much we love God and wish we could tell him how much we loved him in a new way (that is, without quoting the same praises everyone else quotes). I remember praying alot about how I had a hard time Loving people the way God did, and how grateful I was that God could fill that void for me, and how I am glad that I'm not expected to be able to love like he does.. But I did often pray that God would help me to love more.
well... enough of that.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
So the test was cancelled today. The professor explained to us that he thought 5 days and one class period is not enough to learn polar graphing and functions. I wonder what it would be like to start a kid on polar geometry as opposed to starting with cartesian geometry (which is what we normally do). On that, this stuff would be relatively simple had we been taught the basics like 4 or 5 years ago... but enough of that.
I was pleasantly surprised today. My Korean teacher texted me saying she wants to come over tomorrow and cook. My parents will be here, but it's cool. I almost think she would prefer it that way.
Haven't talked to Lindsey in almost a week and a half. I ate breakfast and got butterflies one day thinking about her so I sent her a text saying "Good morning Sunshine!". Thinking about it now it seems really harmless, but immediately afterwards I was sure it was a mistake. Since then it seems like she has really not put much effort into conversation... idk.. maybe I'm imagining it. I asked her if something was wrong last time I talked to her and she said "no, why?" and I made up some stupid on-the-spot excuse that I can hardly remember. Something about being alittle down that day and imagining it or something.
Hung out with my old highschool friends alot lately. I've had alot of fun with Tyler, but after hanging out with him I feel like I have to check myself. He is one of those people who really builds you up when you are with him, and I have a tendency to get full of myself around that. Makes me miss the good old days, but at the same time... things are just great right now in alot of ways.
Off that note, please pray for my trip to Korea, and for the other guys who will be coming with me this semester. HGU says there's some kind of problem with the government so they can't get proof of enrollment to me yet. Things are moving really slow, they say. If they don't put out soon, we might not be able to go. On the bright side, I heard something about how a person visiting Korea on Business or as a Tourist doesn't have to have a Visa for the first 90 days, which is just under 3 months. That's like half the semester for me to make up the time (granted I could have a helluva time getting my Visa after I'm already there, and my intel is very possibly faulty.) At any rate.. again, please pray for us.
"The worst kind of thing."
I was pleasantly surprised today. My Korean teacher texted me saying she wants to come over tomorrow and cook. My parents will be here, but it's cool. I almost think she would prefer it that way.
Haven't talked to Lindsey in almost a week and a half. I ate breakfast and got butterflies one day thinking about her so I sent her a text saying "Good morning Sunshine!". Thinking about it now it seems really harmless, but immediately afterwards I was sure it was a mistake. Since then it seems like she has really not put much effort into conversation... idk.. maybe I'm imagining it. I asked her if something was wrong last time I talked to her and she said "no, why?" and I made up some stupid on-the-spot excuse that I can hardly remember. Something about being alittle down that day and imagining it or something.
Hung out with my old highschool friends alot lately. I've had alot of fun with Tyler, but after hanging out with him I feel like I have to check myself. He is one of those people who really builds you up when you are with him, and I have a tendency to get full of myself around that. Makes me miss the good old days, but at the same time... things are just great right now in alot of ways.
Off that note, please pray for my trip to Korea, and for the other guys who will be coming with me this semester. HGU says there's some kind of problem with the government so they can't get proof of enrollment to me yet. Things are moving really slow, they say. If they don't put out soon, we might not be able to go. On the bright side, I heard something about how a person visiting Korea on Business or as a Tourist doesn't have to have a Visa for the first 90 days, which is just under 3 months. That's like half the semester for me to make up the time (granted I could have a helluva time getting my Visa after I'm already there, and my intel is very possibly faulty.) At any rate.. again, please pray for us.
"The worst kind of thing."
This is my first post on my new laptop :D
I have big plans for this little thing, but i can spread my hand out and almost cover the whole thing. I feel like I'm gonna break my little ten inch screen just by glancing at it the wrong way.
I got some nice little speakers made of recycled M&M boxes at radioshack. The sound quality isn't great or anything, but they're better than the laptop speakers, and I can fold them up like cardboard boxes.
Lani just texted me (like "just" now) saying "Hey zac howz it going?". Heh, she spelled my name right. She never used to do that. I think I'm just gonna let that text sit there for a few days and then respond like one word.
I have a big calculus test in 3 hours. We've only covered the material for this test in one class, and that class was the day before yesterday. Needless to say, I feel unprepared. It's about polar graphs and coordinates. Eh... whatever, I've studied most of today, and I plan on studying some more in about an hour, then practicing piano for maybe 30 mins before the test.
"I'll give you anything, just get on that damn train and leave."
I have big plans for this little thing, but i can spread my hand out and almost cover the whole thing. I feel like I'm gonna break my little ten inch screen just by glancing at it the wrong way.
I got some nice little speakers made of recycled M&M boxes at radioshack. The sound quality isn't great or anything, but they're better than the laptop speakers, and I can fold them up like cardboard boxes.
Lani just texted me (like "just" now) saying "Hey zac howz it going?". Heh, she spelled my name right. She never used to do that. I think I'm just gonna let that text sit there for a few days and then respond like one word.
I have a big calculus test in 3 hours. We've only covered the material for this test in one class, and that class was the day before yesterday. Needless to say, I feel unprepared. It's about polar graphs and coordinates. Eh... whatever, I've studied most of today, and I plan on studying some more in about an hour, then practicing piano for maybe 30 mins before the test.
"I'll give you anything, just get on that damn train and leave."
Sunday, July 4, 2010
My mom and I can't get along... :(
Today we got in an argument over whether or not it was ok for her to say "oh my God". It started pretty calm. I said, "I don't think you should say that" and she asked why and I explained that I thought even if it is a prayer, it creates the "appearance of evil", which is something she used to lecture me about. So she was cool with that for a few seconds, but I forgot to stop her. If I don't cut her off, she will sit there and rephrase whatever she just said over and over, even after I respond to it. Sometimes she changes the subject, but then she does the same thing on that subject. Anyway, she worked herself up and said that my young brain was underdeveloped and tried to tell me I didn't know right from wrong (an argument which she has used several times in the past) and I countered by saying that her old brain was rotting and she was losing her sense of right and wrong. I admit, that was a mistake, and I did end up apologising to her for that.
I've been playing alot of MechWarrior lately. It's pretty fun.
Lindsey and I have hung out as much as we can. I really want to have a serious conversation with her and ask her if she wants to pursue a long-distance relationship... which is something that I honestly dont know if I am up for. I hope a conversation would work that out.
I have been hanging out with Hyewon, my Korean teacher, alot. I took her to see fireworks, and she said it was the first time she had ever seen them. To be completely honest, I keep telling myself my intentions with her are completely ...uh... not anything at all (that is, as opposed to wanting a relationship with her); but on the other hand, this could be one of those situations like..... well.. is it possible for a guy and a girl to spend alot of time together without one eventually having a crush on the other? I have told her that the things we do together are not dates, but I don't think she understands. However, I have a feeling that that will work itself out. If I keep our relationship just two friends doing really fun stuff together, then when I go to Korea... maybe we won't have to worry about it. Idk if she likes me or not. I really can't tell with Asian girls. I don't think I can do anything else about it.
....She is a really great girl, though.
Thinking about that makes me feel like a jerk. Maybe I should just sit down and talk with her and make absolutely sure we are on the same page, even though that would be really awkward.
Speaking of Korean, I really need to practice my Korean speaking. It's so hard to do that without a Korean sitting there helping you, or at least talking Korean with someone else in your immediate vicinity. I've been trying to find some Korean movies online that I can watch.. Maybe once with subtitles, then a few times without (until I can get what's going on without really knowing).
heh... well, it's 1:00 in the morning. I need to call HGU and ask what the situation is with those important documents.
"...into a deeper sleep... how do you know when you're dreaming and when you aren't?"
Today we got in an argument over whether or not it was ok for her to say "oh my God". It started pretty calm. I said, "I don't think you should say that" and she asked why and I explained that I thought even if it is a prayer, it creates the "appearance of evil", which is something she used to lecture me about. So she was cool with that for a few seconds, but I forgot to stop her. If I don't cut her off, she will sit there and rephrase whatever she just said over and over, even after I respond to it. Sometimes she changes the subject, but then she does the same thing on that subject. Anyway, she worked herself up and said that my young brain was underdeveloped and tried to tell me I didn't know right from wrong (an argument which she has used several times in the past) and I countered by saying that her old brain was rotting and she was losing her sense of right and wrong. I admit, that was a mistake, and I did end up apologising to her for that.
I've been playing alot of MechWarrior lately. It's pretty fun.
Lindsey and I have hung out as much as we can. I really want to have a serious conversation with her and ask her if she wants to pursue a long-distance relationship... which is something that I honestly dont know if I am up for. I hope a conversation would work that out.
I have been hanging out with Hyewon, my Korean teacher, alot. I took her to see fireworks, and she said it was the first time she had ever seen them. To be completely honest, I keep telling myself my intentions with her are completely ...uh... not anything at all (that is, as opposed to wanting a relationship with her); but on the other hand, this could be one of those situations like..... well.. is it possible for a guy and a girl to spend alot of time together without one eventually having a crush on the other? I have told her that the things we do together are not dates, but I don't think she understands. However, I have a feeling that that will work itself out. If I keep our relationship just two friends doing really fun stuff together, then when I go to Korea... maybe we won't have to worry about it. Idk if she likes me or not. I really can't tell with Asian girls. I don't think I can do anything else about it.
....She is a really great girl, though.
Thinking about that makes me feel like a jerk. Maybe I should just sit down and talk with her and make absolutely sure we are on the same page, even though that would be really awkward.
Speaking of Korean, I really need to practice my Korean speaking. It's so hard to do that without a Korean sitting there helping you, or at least talking Korean with someone else in your immediate vicinity. I've been trying to find some Korean movies online that I can watch.. Maybe once with subtitles, then a few times without (until I can get what's going on without really knowing).
heh... well, it's 1:00 in the morning. I need to call HGU and ask what the situation is with those important documents.
"...into a deeper sleep... how do you know when you're dreaming and when you aren't?"
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