This made me cry today:
"disappointed. mad. speechless. unconfident. shameful. dependent. hopeless. disappointed."


Found some good music today. Been getting into rap alittle more lately. Still haven't mastered differentiating between rap and hip hop and R&B and whatever other kinds. I wonder if rap people have a hard time differentiating between emo, alternative, metal, and hardcore.... and I know... rap... but seriously, some of it is pretty cool. example: listen to this song: "Chiddy Bang kids mgmt remix" or "don't let me fall" by b.o.b


Found out my Korean teacher has a crappy apartment and a potentially bad landlord. We are thinking about letting her move in to my parent's apartment. It's almost a sure thing. If she does, it will all but solidify my position as **NOT** interested in a relationship with her --at least for the next... idk probably a long time. I will try my best to be the most "hands-off", gentlemanly and **distant** tenant in the house with her. Distant in a sense, almost like a brother to a sister, but even moreso than that. Know what I mean?

I need to pray more. I haven't spent time with God like I aught to. I think a part of it is out of a really childish rebellion to my mom. She is so naggy about me doing Bible studies that I almost can't stand to do it. I prayed a bit today, and I've been doing alittle bit now and then -mostly just when I practice piano- but I plan on getting back into that on a regular basis like I used to. And.. well, I guess I'm using the term "pray" loosely. For a while there at LeTU, I was just talking to God every day while I walked and while I ate and while I sat in my room; granted he didn't talk back directly. I think that the Bible tells us to pray, and we are taught that praying means asking for things. I am positive that that is wrong. Well, I mean, it's good to ask for things. The Bible commands us to ask God for things, but I'm sure that God also likes to just hear about our day, or how much we love the weather he has given us, or how beautiful that tree right outside the dorm is (the one we walk by every single day), or even just how much we love God and wish we could tell him how much we loved him in a new way (that is, without quoting the same praises everyone else quotes). I remember praying alot about how I had a hard time Loving people the way God did, and how grateful I was that God could fill that void for me, and how I am glad that I'm not expected to be able to love like he does.. But I did often pray that God would help me to love more.

well... enough of that.