This weekend was absolutely unreal. I felt like I was in a bad movie (that is, a movie that I wouldn't enjoy watching, as opposed to a movie that I wouldn't enjoy living).
Hyewon and I didn't go bungee jumping, but it was totally ok. All the other stuff we did was much better. I enjoyed myself immensely. We did everything else on the list, along with a few other things, including a trip to this expensive restaurant that her cousin owns (so we ate for free), and a one-sided exchange of gifts from her parents to mine.
Long-story-short, she said "no". So, I plan to take a break from girls if I can help it. I don't want to be rude, and I don't want to burn any bridges, but I don't want 지혜 to be "second choice". She's better than that, and I would preserve both our honors by holding back until things simmer-down a little more in my mind about Hyewon. I already have a movie-date with her this Monday, but after that, if I can swing it without being a jerk, I think I'm gonna give it like a week... or maybe two weeks. Idk what the time-frame is for keeping the term "rebound" from being applicable. I guess each person determines their own time frame. On the other hand, I don't think I have time to make a stable enough relationship with her to bridge the gap between here and Texas. Maybe it would be best if I didn't pursue her anymore.
*sigh* Homework, homework, homework, homework.....
"When I was strong, you made me weak. When I was brave, you made me afraid. When I was intelligent, you made me confused. When I was adventurous, you made me content."
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
*yaaaawwwwwnnnn*
Finally going to Hyewon's tomorrow. Packing tonight. The plan is to be in bed at 11:00 so I can be good and awake at 5:30(or 5:45), giving me an hour and a half to get ready and to get to the bus. The bus leaves at 7:15 to Yukgury, from where I will have to tell a taxi driver to get me to the terminal in Korean, and then speak more Korean to the ticket counter, and try to catch the earliest possible bus to Seoul.
I think I got a C on the Korean midterm, just like I said I would.
I finished the Statics homework that was due today with less help from Cramster than I usually have. At first, it was a nice little confidence boost, but then I went to class and pretty much had my mind blown by the lecture. I will be reading the book this Sunday. I rescheduled a movie with 지혜 and I'm missing paintball to hang out with Hyewon, so I reeeaaaallly hope I get to go bungee jumping. It's best that I rescheduled with 지혜 because if Hyewon says yes, that will determine the whole seat-arm thing for me, (assuming 지혜 plays that game.... and is single).
Yesterday I was thinking about how Lani and I made a promise a long time ago that we would see each other in person before we married anyone else. I wonder if she's still holding to that.... Idk, I've never been one to break promises, but.... Idk.. even if I want to ask her if we can release each other from that, it means I have to talk to her again. ... I wonder if she ever thinks about me anymore. I don't want to call it malice, but I still can't believe what happened. I guess it's kinda simmered down by now. I don't think as much about it as I used to. It still kinda hurts. Maybe when I talk to her about it I'll say something like "look, we can just see each other. we don't even need to talk. then we can go back to never seeing each other again." At any rate, I won't be bringing it up until I'm about to be married. Lately, I think if she tried to talk to me again, I'd be ok with it... but I probably wouldn't engage much.
"She's like a hot cloth on a fevered head, and like a needle she leads me while I follow like a thread"
P.S. Happy 200th Blog PS139!!! From it's humble beginnings as an assignment for freshman English class.... all the way to what it is now. Also, I removed the flag counters and stuff because I found out I could get all that information from the dashboard.... except for specific states. I might bring that one back, just for curiosity. Anyway, good stuff.
Finally going to Hyewon's tomorrow. Packing tonight. The plan is to be in bed at 11:00 so I can be good and awake at 5:30(or 5:45), giving me an hour and a half to get ready and to get to the bus. The bus leaves at 7:15 to Yukgury, from where I will have to tell a taxi driver to get me to the terminal in Korean, and then speak more Korean to the ticket counter, and try to catch the earliest possible bus to Seoul.
I think I got a C on the Korean midterm, just like I said I would.
I finished the Statics homework that was due today with less help from Cramster than I usually have. At first, it was a nice little confidence boost, but then I went to class and pretty much had my mind blown by the lecture. I will be reading the book this Sunday. I rescheduled a movie with 지혜 and I'm missing paintball to hang out with Hyewon, so I reeeaaaallly hope I get to go bungee jumping. It's best that I rescheduled with 지혜 because if Hyewon says yes, that will determine the whole seat-arm thing for me, (assuming 지혜 plays that game.... and is single).
Yesterday I was thinking about how Lani and I made a promise a long time ago that we would see each other in person before we married anyone else. I wonder if she's still holding to that.... Idk, I've never been one to break promises, but.... Idk.. even if I want to ask her if we can release each other from that, it means I have to talk to her again. ... I wonder if she ever thinks about me anymore. I don't want to call it malice, but I still can't believe what happened. I guess it's kinda simmered down by now. I don't think as much about it as I used to. It still kinda hurts. Maybe when I talk to her about it I'll say something like "look, we can just see each other. we don't even need to talk. then we can go back to never seeing each other again." At any rate, I won't be bringing it up until I'm about to be married. Lately, I think if she tried to talk to me again, I'd be ok with it... but I probably wouldn't engage much.
"She's like a hot cloth on a fevered head, and like a needle she leads me while I follow like a thread"
P.S. Happy 200th Blog PS139!!! From it's humble beginnings as an assignment for freshman English class.... all the way to what it is now. Also, I removed the flag counters and stuff because I found out I could get all that information from the dashboard.... except for specific states. I might bring that one back, just for curiosity. Anyway, good stuff.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
I think that Mr. Brightside, by The Killers, is almost the perfect song.
I discovered, today, that the surge protector I've been using sucks.
I Had samgyupsal today, and it was pretty delicious. That's about all I remember from today....
Oh yeah, I also took my Creation/Evolution test. I will be taking a Korean Midterm tomorrow. Based on my observations of the rest of the class, and assuming that the teacher makes the test to suit the class, I think I will get a C, or, if I'm lucky, a B. Of course, that's just a prediction. I will try to defeat myself.
aaaaaaannnnndddd, I'll be going to Hyewon's place on Friday after all.
Our to-do list contains the following:
-bungee jumping (for real this time)
-ice skating (for real this time)
-to the bar (I'm glad I had the opportunity to explore my limits previously)
-shopping (.... no idea what I'm gonna buy, but in the past I've been able to turn these into fun. It'll be interesting to see if I can do that with Hyewon.... on the other hand, maybe Korean shopping centers won't take my pranks quite as kindly as Walmart usually does.)
-coffee shop (^^^^^^^^)
-meet her family (idk how to approach this. I feel like my attitude would be completely different if I was sure she would say no. ... well, if I thought she'd say no I probably wouldn't be going, but since I don't know, maybe it'd be best to just pretend she'll say yes and go for the good impression.)
"bring it back down bring it back down tonight"
My roommate, Chegwang, is asking me to pray for him more often. My roommates are pretty clear about wanting me to succeed, which is the best thing. I wonder if this is kindof a gimmick to get me to pray more, because I've been slipping away from that lately and I think he knows it. We call Chegwang "5th dimension man", because he's always reading the Bible and challenging us with his awesome questions (which aren't always about the Bible, but are always philosophically thought provoking). Everyone agree's he's weird in the very best way.
"because they were all doing it, too?"
I discovered, today, that the surge protector I've been using sucks.
I Had samgyupsal today, and it was pretty delicious. That's about all I remember from today....
Oh yeah, I also took my Creation/Evolution test. I will be taking a Korean Midterm tomorrow. Based on my observations of the rest of the class, and assuming that the teacher makes the test to suit the class, I think I will get a C, or, if I'm lucky, a B. Of course, that's just a prediction. I will try to defeat myself.
aaaaaaannnnndddd, I'll be going to Hyewon's place on Friday after all.
Our to-do list contains the following:
-bungee jumping (for real this time)
-ice skating (for real this time)
-to the bar (I'm glad I had the opportunity to explore my limits previously)
-shopping (.... no idea what I'm gonna buy, but in the past I've been able to turn these into fun. It'll be interesting to see if I can do that with Hyewon.... on the other hand, maybe Korean shopping centers won't take my pranks quite as kindly as Walmart usually does.)
-coffee shop (^^^^^^^^)
-meet her family (idk how to approach this. I feel like my attitude would be completely different if I was sure she would say no. ... well, if I thought she'd say no I probably wouldn't be going, but since I don't know, maybe it'd be best to just pretend she'll say yes and go for the good impression.)
"bring it back down bring it back down tonight"
My roommate, Chegwang, is asking me to pray for him more often. My roommates are pretty clear about wanting me to succeed, which is the best thing. I wonder if this is kindof a gimmick to get me to pray more, because I've been slipping away from that lately and I think he knows it. We call Chegwang "5th dimension man", because he's always reading the Bible and challenging us with his awesome questions (which aren't always about the Bible, but are always philosophically thought provoking). Everyone agree's he's weird in the very best way.
"because they were all doing it, too?"
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Well, I need to go to bed "right now" but I will as soon as I finish this blog.
"Come hither, pretty fly, with the pearl and silver wing. Your robes are green and purple, there's a crest upon your head. Your eyes are like the diamond bright, but mine are dull as lead!"
been thinking about that lately. It makes me want to reexamine the appearance of a fly. When you focus on the good in something, can't you find that all of God's creation is beautiful? Of course, keep in mind, this is what said the spider to the fly.
I was supposed to go to the movies on Friday with a friend, and then on a date to the movies on Saturday night, and then to dinner with a friend on Sunday night. I made the plans when Hyewon said she wouldn't be here, and so I thought I shouldn't cancel with so many people when she said she was back. All three of my appointments cancelled because they were studying for midterms, and I didn't get to go to Seoul or see Hyewon.
...
but this weekend wasn't a total blow-out. I got some much-needed homework finished, and I got to talk to Gana about my situation with Hyewon and 지혜. I know that probably wasn't prudent, but Gana is super-cool. I have a lot of respect for her. .... and honestly, I don't stand to lose much if she leaks the information. It's on the internet, after all. Gana doesn't know 지혜, but said she thinks that she might have a boyfriend. That was useful information, but then she told me to take that with a grain of salt because she doesn't have the facts for sure, so it wasn't useful information. Also, Gana said that just from hearing the thing with Hyewon, I probably should still give her the benefit of the doubt. It's much too late for me to remember her reasoning, (because I don't, and I don't want to reason it through in my head again), but I remember it was pretty sound. I think Gana's a wise girl. Therefore, the sooner I get to see Hyewon in person, the better. Most important in my relationships right now is that I talk things over with her.
Also... so I know that this blog is a lot drama, and I'm pretty much beating a dead horse every night.... but this is where I think things through, and it is not by any means a reflection of the proportionality in weight of each thing on my mind. I talk about girls here so often, because.... well, in all of history, what has proven to be more confusing and more confounding than woman? huh? nothing.
"Therefore rid yourself of all malice, deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and all kinds of slander."
"Come hither, pretty fly, with the pearl and silver wing. Your robes are green and purple, there's a crest upon your head. Your eyes are like the diamond bright, but mine are dull as lead!"
been thinking about that lately. It makes me want to reexamine the appearance of a fly. When you focus on the good in something, can't you find that all of God's creation is beautiful? Of course, keep in mind, this is what said the spider to the fly.
I was supposed to go to the movies on Friday with a friend, and then on a date to the movies on Saturday night, and then to dinner with a friend on Sunday night. I made the plans when Hyewon said she wouldn't be here, and so I thought I shouldn't cancel with so many people when she said she was back. All three of my appointments cancelled because they were studying for midterms, and I didn't get to go to Seoul or see Hyewon.
...
but this weekend wasn't a total blow-out. I got some much-needed homework finished, and I got to talk to Gana about my situation with Hyewon and 지혜. I know that probably wasn't prudent, but Gana is super-cool. I have a lot of respect for her. .... and honestly, I don't stand to lose much if she leaks the information. It's on the internet, after all. Gana doesn't know 지혜, but said she thinks that she might have a boyfriend. That was useful information, but then she told me to take that with a grain of salt because she doesn't have the facts for sure, so it wasn't useful information. Also, Gana said that just from hearing the thing with Hyewon, I probably should still give her the benefit of the doubt. It's much too late for me to remember her reasoning, (because I don't, and I don't want to reason it through in my head again), but I remember it was pretty sound. I think Gana's a wise girl. Therefore, the sooner I get to see Hyewon in person, the better. Most important in my relationships right now is that I talk things over with her.
Also... so I know that this blog is a lot drama, and I'm pretty much beating a dead horse every night.... but this is where I think things through, and it is not by any means a reflection of the proportionality in weight of each thing on my mind. I talk about girls here so often, because.... well, in all of history, what has proven to be more confusing and more confounding than woman? huh? nothing.
"Therefore rid yourself of all malice, deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and all kinds of slander."
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Didn't blog yesterday because my roommate had me watching a movie, "Mongol". It was actually pretty awesome. All about Genghis Khan.
Yesterday I got to hang out with Chowan. Lots of people are cancelling appointments this weekend because of studying for finals on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I hope it's nothing to do with me lol. Chowan and I just ate together and then went to play piano. She can cite read awesomely, but she said she doesn't know any songs by heart. While she was playing, (without even thinking) I caught myself staring at her eyes, though. They're very dark-black, and it was really pretty seeing them flash across the page. It complimented the music nicely. I made that mistake twice, but only twice. (we were there for about an hour and a half, maybe two) She looked at me and asked "what?" and then I looked away and kinda mumbled something and we both laughed, but it was awkward for a couple seconds. Sometimes there are girls who, no matter how well you think of them, you just have to let all that go and be just friends. She specifically used the term "just friends" a couple times in conversation, saying that she wanted to hang out a lot more or something. I wonder if she knew the American stigma about those words or if she was just translating things over. Anyway, better safe than sorry.
Yesterday I got to hang out with Chowan. Lots of people are cancelling appointments this weekend because of studying for finals on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I hope it's nothing to do with me lol. Chowan and I just ate together and then went to play piano. She can cite read awesomely, but she said she doesn't know any songs by heart. While she was playing, (without even thinking) I caught myself staring at her eyes, though. They're very dark-black, and it was really pretty seeing them flash across the page. It complimented the music nicely. I made that mistake twice, but only twice. (we were there for about an hour and a half, maybe two) She looked at me and asked "what?" and then I looked away and kinda mumbled something and we both laughed, but it was awkward for a couple seconds. Sometimes there are girls who, no matter how well you think of them, you just have to let all that go and be just friends. She specifically used the term "just friends" a couple times in conversation, saying that she wanted to hang out a lot more or something. I wonder if she knew the American stigma about those words or if she was just translating things over. Anyway, better safe than sorry.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Ok, so I did a little bit of studying today, and I think I'm ready for whatever I need to be ready for. I'm worried about the Physics test more than any other right now, so I think that if that's all I have to worry about, I'm pretty much in the clear.
Tonight I Have to study for my Creation/Evolution test with may or may not be tomorrow. (checks)
Still don't know.
지혜 hasn't talked to me much this week. I'd like to think it's because of midterms and studying, but I'm a little afraid it's because of the way I gave her a side hug and kinda scratched her back when she complained (and she complained a lot, so I did it a lot). I have to admit, I have a hard time not staring at her, and I try *not* to take advantage of every opportunity to make physical contact, but sometimes I wonder if I paw too much. I guess there's no real way of knowing now.
I finally got Chowan to schedule a dinner with me. She's not a romantic interest, (tout de suite [Idk if I use that phrase correctly.]), but I think she's really cool and I hope we can be good friends.
I got a comment and a half from some people I don't know on my last blog. Makes me wonder about my readers, if any. The people didn't have real blogs of their own, so maybe they made accounts just so they could read other people's blogs. Makes me wonder if I know them in person.
.....I got like 30 views on my blog yesterday, which is ridiculous. I'm pretty sure I average about 6. I wonder if this has anything to do with Roger discovering my blog.......
Also, LeTourneau says I can't stay next semester. I have to say I expected this, but they have changed the policies, so Zac Nanfeld (spelling?) 's method might not work this time. Worst case scenario, I might just end up transferring to here. It would mean changing my major to maybe....Computer Science and Mechanical Engineering. That wouldn't be so bad, because then I would have those majors, and I could just take like two extra classes at a US college where the credits transfer to get my Computer Engineering major. Then I would have three Undergrad Degrees and I would be overqualified for whatever job I need to get to pay for my grad school.
...oh man, and I would still get my Math Minor, too! Aww man, that would be great, and I would save money....awesome.
"What are you thinking now?"
Tonight I Have to study for my Creation/Evolution test with may or may not be tomorrow. (checks)
Still don't know.
지혜 hasn't talked to me much this week. I'd like to think it's because of midterms and studying, but I'm a little afraid it's because of the way I gave her a side hug and kinda scratched her back when she complained (and she complained a lot, so I did it a lot). I have to admit, I have a hard time not staring at her, and I try *not* to take advantage of every opportunity to make physical contact, but sometimes I wonder if I paw too much. I guess there's no real way of knowing now.
I finally got Chowan to schedule a dinner with me. She's not a romantic interest, (tout de suite [Idk if I use that phrase correctly.]), but I think she's really cool and I hope we can be good friends.
I got a comment and a half from some people I don't know on my last blog. Makes me wonder about my readers, if any. The people didn't have real blogs of their own, so maybe they made accounts just so they could read other people's blogs. Makes me wonder if I know them in person.
.....I got like 30 views on my blog yesterday, which is ridiculous. I'm pretty sure I average about 6. I wonder if this has anything to do with Roger discovering my blog.......
Also, LeTourneau says I can't stay next semester. I have to say I expected this, but they have changed the policies, so Zac Nanfeld (spelling?) 's method might not work this time. Worst case scenario, I might just end up transferring to here. It would mean changing my major to maybe....Computer Science and Mechanical Engineering. That wouldn't be so bad, because then I would have those majors, and I could just take like two extra classes at a US college where the credits transfer to get my Computer Engineering major. Then I would have three Undergrad Degrees and I would be overqualified for whatever job I need to get to pay for my grad school.
...oh man, and I would still get my Math Minor, too! Aww man, that would be great, and I would save money....awesome.
"What are you thinking now?"
Monday, October 18, 2010
*smug-storm*
So my self esteem is like through-the-roof right now, but I need to study harder or I'm gonna be brought down to size in one day and it's gonna suck.
Idk how to deal with Hyewon. I want to see her asap to finalize and clear things up. If we will be together or not, we will know on that day.
Ok, now, this is just a joke, ok, so don't take this seriously. Today my roommates explained to me that the movies is like "the time" to determine if a girl here likes you or not, and it all has to do with the arm-rest. If she has her hand on the armrest between you, grab it. If she doesn't pull away, then you're good. If not, then you are just friends. lol. I know that's one of those ridiculous pick-ups that nobody in their right mind should ever pay any attention to, but it's funny anyway. lol, well, I'll be going to the movies soon, so no better time than to put this into practice, right? I guess I've got nothing to lose. lol, my roommates: "The first date to the movies. It's the most important time in every relationship."
I have a very loose grasp on the Statics right now, but it seems like I always get it down-pat like one class too late. ... Either way. There's only one homework problem due tomorrow, and it's my only class tomorrow, and it's in the evening, so I will have plenty of time.
I might be staying here for one more semester.
"What does it mean: 'take for granted'?"
So my self esteem is like through-the-roof right now, but I need to study harder or I'm gonna be brought down to size in one day and it's gonna suck.
Idk how to deal with Hyewon. I want to see her asap to finalize and clear things up. If we will be together or not, we will know on that day.
Ok, now, this is just a joke, ok, so don't take this seriously. Today my roommates explained to me that the movies is like "the time" to determine if a girl here likes you or not, and it all has to do with the arm-rest. If she has her hand on the armrest between you, grab it. If she doesn't pull away, then you're good. If not, then you are just friends. lol. I know that's one of those ridiculous pick-ups that nobody in their right mind should ever pay any attention to, but it's funny anyway. lol, well, I'll be going to the movies soon, so no better time than to put this into practice, right? I guess I've got nothing to lose. lol, my roommates: "The first date to the movies. It's the most important time in every relationship."
I have a very loose grasp on the Statics right now, but it seems like I always get it down-pat like one class too late. ... Either way. There's only one homework problem due tomorrow, and it's my only class tomorrow, and it's in the evening, so I will have plenty of time.
I might be staying here for one more semester.
"What does it mean: 'take for granted'?"
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