I think that Mr. Brightside, by The Killers, is almost the perfect song.
I discovered, today, that the surge protector I've been using sucks.
I Had samgyupsal today, and it was pretty delicious. That's about all I remember from today....
Oh yeah, I also took my Creation/Evolution test. I will be taking a Korean Midterm tomorrow. Based on my observations of the rest of the class, and assuming that the teacher makes the test to suit the class, I think I will get a C, or, if I'm lucky, a B. Of course, that's just a prediction. I will try to defeat myself.
aaaaaaannnnndddd, I'll be going to Hyewon's place on Friday after all.
Our to-do list contains the following:
-bungee jumping (for real this time)
-ice skating (for real this time)
-to the bar (I'm glad I had the opportunity to explore my limits previously)
-shopping (.... no idea what I'm gonna buy, but in the past I've been able to turn these into fun. It'll be interesting to see if I can do that with Hyewon.... on the other hand, maybe Korean shopping centers won't take my pranks quite as kindly as Walmart usually does.)
-coffee shop (^^^^^^^^)
-meet her family (idk how to approach this. I feel like my attitude would be completely different if I was sure she would say no. ... well, if I thought she'd say no I probably wouldn't be going, but since I don't know, maybe it'd be best to just pretend she'll say yes and go for the good impression.)

"bring it back down bring it back down tonight"

My roommate, Chegwang, is asking me to pray for him more often. My roommates are pretty clear about wanting me to succeed, which is the best thing. I wonder if this is kindof a gimmick to get me to pray more, because I've been slipping away from that lately and I think he knows it. We call Chegwang "5th dimension man", because he's always reading the Bible and challenging us with his awesome questions (which aren't always about the Bible, but are always philosophically thought provoking). Everyone agree's he's weird in the very best way.

"because they were all doing it, too?"

Well, I need to go to bed "right now" but I will as soon as I finish this blog.


"Come hither, pretty fly, with the pearl and silver wing. Your robes are green and purple, there's a crest upon your head. Your eyes are like the diamond bright, but mine are dull as lead!"

been thinking about that lately. It makes me want to reexamine the appearance of a fly. When you focus on the good in something, can't you find that all of God's creation is beautiful? Of course, keep in mind, this is what said the spider to the fly.

I was supposed to go to the movies on Friday with a friend, and then on a date to the movies on Saturday night, and then to dinner with a friend on Sunday night. I made the plans when Hyewon said she wouldn't be here, and so I thought I shouldn't cancel with so many people when she said she was back. All three of my appointments cancelled because they were studying for midterms, and I didn't get to go to Seoul or see Hyewon.
...
but this weekend wasn't a total blow-out. I got some much-needed homework finished, and I got to talk to Gana about my situation with Hyewon and 지혜. I know that probably wasn't prudent, but Gana is super-cool. I have a lot of respect for her. .... and honestly, I don't stand to lose much if she leaks the information. It's on the internet, after all. Gana doesn't know 지혜, but said she thinks that she might have a boyfriend. That was useful information, but then she told me to take that with a grain of salt because she doesn't have the facts for sure, so it wasn't useful information. Also, Gana said that just from hearing the thing with Hyewon, I probably should still give her the benefit of the doubt. It's much too late for me to remember her reasoning, (because I don't, and I don't want to reason it through in my head again), but I remember it was pretty sound. I think Gana's a wise girl. Therefore, the sooner I get to see Hyewon in person, the better. Most important in my relationships right now is that I talk things over with her.

Also... so I know that this blog is a lot drama, and I'm pretty much beating a dead horse every night.... but this is where I think things through, and it is not by any means a reflection of the proportionality in weight of each thing on my mind. I talk about girls here so often, because.... well, in all of history, what has proven to be more confusing and more confounding than woman? huh? nothing.

"Therefore rid yourself of all malice, deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and all kinds of slander."

Didn't blog yesterday because my roommate had me watching a movie, "Mongol". It was actually pretty awesome. All about Genghis Khan.

Yesterday I got to hang out with Chowan. Lots of people are cancelling appointments this weekend because of studying for finals on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I hope it's nothing to do with me lol. Chowan and I just ate together and then went to play piano. She can cite read awesomely, but she said she doesn't know any songs by heart. While she was playing, (without even thinking) I caught myself staring at her eyes, though. They're very dark-black, and it was really pretty seeing them flash across the page. It complimented the music nicely. I made that mistake twice, but only twice. (we were there for about an hour and a half, maybe two) She looked at me and asked "what?" and then I looked away and kinda mumbled something and we both laughed, but it was awkward for a couple seconds. Sometimes there are girls who, no matter how well you think of them, you just have to let all that go and be just friends. She specifically used the term "just friends" a couple times in conversation, saying that she wanted to hang out a lot more or something. I wonder if she knew the American stigma about those words or if she was just translating things over. Anyway, better safe than sorry.

Ok, so I did a little bit of studying today, and I think I'm ready for whatever I need to be ready for. I'm worried about the Physics test more than any other right now, so I think that if that's all I have to worry about, I'm pretty much in the clear.

Tonight I Have to study for my Creation/Evolution test with may or may not be tomorrow. (checks)
Still don't know.

지혜 hasn't talked to me much this week. I'd like to think it's because of midterms and studying, but I'm a little afraid it's because of the way I gave her a side hug and kinda scratched her back when she complained (and she complained a lot, so I did it a lot). I have to admit, I have a hard time not staring at her, and I try *not* to take advantage of every opportunity to make physical contact, but sometimes I wonder if I paw too much. I guess there's no real way of knowing now.

I finally got Chowan to schedule a dinner with me. She's not a romantic interest, (tout de suite [Idk if I use that phrase correctly.]), but I think she's really cool and I hope we can be good friends.

I got a comment and a half from some people I don't know on my last blog. Makes me wonder about my readers, if any. The people didn't have real blogs of their own, so maybe they made accounts just so they could read other people's blogs. Makes me wonder if I know them in person.

.....I got like 30 views on my blog yesterday, which is ridiculous. I'm pretty sure I average about 6. I wonder if this has anything to do with Roger discovering my blog.......

Also, LeTourneau says I can't stay next semester. I have to say I expected this, but they have changed the policies, so Zac Nanfeld (spelling?) 's method might not work this time. Worst case scenario, I might just end up transferring to here. It would mean changing my major to maybe....Computer Science and Mechanical Engineering. That wouldn't be so bad, because then I would have those majors, and I could just take like two extra classes at a US college where the credits transfer to get my Computer Engineering major. Then I would have three Undergrad Degrees and I would be overqualified for whatever job I need to get to pay for my grad school.

...oh man, and I would still get my Math Minor, too! Aww man, that would be great, and I would save money....awesome.

"What are you thinking now?"

*smug-storm*

So my self esteem is like through-the-roof right now, but I need to study harder or I'm gonna be brought down to size in one day and it's gonna suck.

Idk how to deal with Hyewon. I want to see her asap to finalize and clear things up. If we will be together or not, we will know on that day.

Ok, now, this is just a joke, ok, so don't take this seriously. Today my roommates explained to me that the movies is like "the time" to determine if a girl here likes you or not, and it all has to do with the arm-rest. If she has her hand on the armrest between you, grab it. If she doesn't pull away, then you're good. If not, then you are just friends. lol. I know that's one of those ridiculous pick-ups that nobody in their right mind should ever pay any attention to, but it's funny anyway. lol, well, I'll be going to the movies soon, so no better time than to put this into practice, right? I guess I've got nothing to lose. lol, my roommates: "The first date to the movies. It's the most important time in every relationship."

I have a very loose grasp on the Statics right now, but it seems like I always get it down-pat like one class too late. ... Either way. There's only one homework problem due tomorrow, and it's my only class tomorrow, and it's in the evening, so I will have plenty of time.

I might be staying here for one more semester.

"What does it mean: 'take for granted'?"

So normally my mom is pretty ridiculous, but sometimes she says something that deserves attention.

I think it was this morning, I got a long email from my mom telling me the news which she has been working so hard at finding this entire time. Like, every contact I've had from mom has had some kind of BS in it about something Hyewon did or didn't do that made mom mad (and it's always something small, and something which, when I talk to mom about it, mom doesn't really care about and wouldn't be bothered by if it was anyone else.) In fact, on several occasions mom has apologized for so aggressively fault-finding with Hyewon, but she persists. Idk what I can take seriously from her anymore.

Anyway, mom says that Hyewon has been running around with guys in my absence. She even came home with flowers from some guy. That's not to say that I haven't gone on a date or two with a girl or two, so I've checked myself by now, but Idk what to think about it. I mean, I'm cool with her going on dates with some guys now, but comparing her track record with her current performance, I wonder if she will be a loyal girlfriend if she says "yes".

My knee jerk reaction was "If she's really a player, then nothing she says is reliable, and I should be more actively pursuing relationships with other girls." Then I decided that she deserves, at least, to be asked about it. I might have taken this more seriously if my mother wasn't crying wolf all the time. At any rate, with this news, now that I know she isn't waiting for me, I finally decided not to wait for her, and finally I won't be feeling guilty and trying to reason it into either good or bad conscience so it will stop or continue. I'll be going on dates with other girls and if things go well and I get a girlfriend, then Hyewon was too late. Actually, depending on how things go in the next week or so, if Hyewon comes back and says "yes" too soon, I might have to ask her to wait.

I just sent a frustrated response to that email to my mom.

On a lighter and somewhat ironic note. My date with 지혜 tonight was terrible. 지혜 is an awesome girl; extremely pretty, Christian, and definitely academically successful. However, she, like other Koreans I know, has a loose grasp on her limits. She didn't eat anything but a few apples today or yesterday, so she was really sick tonight. She was feeling dizzy, so we went to a pharmacy and picked up some something for her. Then we went to get some 새우측 (shrimp porridge... I might have spelled it wrong. it was delish') for dinner. The plan was, after that I'd get a haircut and then we'd see a movie, but she puked. I told her we aught to go back to the dorm if she was feeling bad, but she said no, so I got my haircut (which looks good, btw), and then she puked again so we went home. She said next time we'd see a movie. There weren't any good flicks in English tonight anyway lol.

"We're so serious."

Ok, I know I'm flip-flopping on this constantly, but girls again. Here's the thing. Plans have changed and now Hyewon won't be able to come to Korea until after November. So, depending on my schedule, I might not even get to see her. December is finals-month. I hinted heavily at her telling me what she was "going to tell me" and she asked a question which made me think that she could very possibly be leaning "no". The answer will probably come with her letter of acceptance or rejection from BYU. I just have to hope that BYU isn't one of those schools that doesn't send formal rejections (if she gets rejected. I'm confident in her, but there's always this chance.) Anyway, the point is, I'm still setting my deadline at the 22nd. I will be straightforward with her next time we Skype; saying something like "You don't have to say yes, but I need something concrete to hold on to if I am going to wait so long for you." I don't know if she will understand that, but it's worth a shot. I would have done it today when we talked, but she was so calm and kept her smile so well despite the stress and confusion which anyone in her position might naturally feel. I couldn't do it. I mean, I saw in her expression that she wasn't sure of things. Something in the back of my head imagines a reader saying "why the rush?".

Well, I have to be completely honest here. I had a really good time tonight with this one girl who will probably appear in my facebook pictures soon-ish. We've been hanging out a lot, and she is easily one of the prettiest girls I've ever seen. On top of that, she's powering through a double-major, and is a solid(afaik) Christian. We went to the beach today, and this Saturday we're going to the movies. No matter how hard I've tried (and this could be my flesh acting despite me, but) I can't seem to reason it into bad conscience to pursue this girl as long as I am single. If Hyewon refuses to tie me down, then I am untied. At least with Gabrielle, even though we never called it "boyfriend and girlfriend" (omg semantics) we agreed that we weren't dating other people.

Well, other than that. I'm feeling alright about midterms. I'm also feeling terrible about midterms. I'm listening to Ratatat right now. I think my favorite songs of theirs might be these:
Crips
Kennedy
Lex
Chery
My roommates are going to sleep. I should probably join them.

... it was really nice talking to Hyewon, though, as usual. I made her a mix-tape("tape" VERY loosely) and gave it to her today.

"ㅊㅋㅊㅋㅊㅋ"