So a few minutes ago I downloaded all the songs on this page:
http://beemp3.com/index.php?q=furries+in+a+blender&st=all

It's just some crazy techno music. I like the drum parts in the background...and also the band has some pretty sick album covers:



지혜 cancelled on me again today. I think I'm done trying to schedule stuff with her. She said she wants to meet on Wednesday, tomorrow. I will go, but if she cancels again, maybe I'll just be like "Look, we don't have to schedule again. Just let me know when you're available".

My friends here have been pushing me to try harder at staying. I really want it. I can't really post a whole lot about the situation with that until it's over. I'm trying to play this smart.

I didn't get any meals today, just some ramen and shrimp from the on-campus store. It was pretty good. I have a headache.

There's a statics test on thursday. I think I have a firm grasp on the material, but I can't get correct answers. I understand the main concepts, but I seem to have a ton of small conceptual flaws ruining my equations. Like, the teacher looks at my work and he's like "this looks right............... oh, here's supposed to be negative." So I know I've got the main stuff, but I can't seem to catch those tiny problems. A wrong answer could get me an 80 on the test if the rest looks right. Maybe it won't be so bad.. idk, statics confuses me. I just hope we have a really freakin big equation sheet.

"Sounds..... eastern European...."

NaKyoung talked the Hyewon story out of me today ㅠㅠ I don't particularly like re-telling that, but she saw the hand-holding pic on my phone --I had forgotten to delete it. She deleted them for me. The conversation we had makes me think that she totally knows I used to like her. I still would, but I think that she doesn't like me. We got to talking about a long distance relationship (not with each other, just in general). From what she said, she seemed up for a relationship, just not a long-distance one. (story of my life). So that's that.

I realized that I hang out with way more girls than guys. I eat two meals a day, and have meetings scheduled for 10/14 of those meals this week alone (probably 9/14 on average) -- each time with a different girl. Ok, that said, I usually only talk on here about girls who I am either especially close to or "like". However, the way things have been lately, I've kinda wanted to talk about stuff happening with other girls too, but I've been self conscious because I know some people I know have been reading this and I don't want to seem like any more flaky or girl-crazy than I already am. Therefore, just to clear my conscience, I'm writing now: if I blog about a girl on here, even if I say I had a great time and really like being around her, don't assume I have a crush on her.

Ok, now that that's covered, a perfect example: Minjin. I hung out with her for only the second or third time today, and she's incredible. The only thing she wanted to talk about was God, (a characteristic natural to her in the last few meetings, but today in particular because we hung out longer). She has some really great stories about miracles in her life, and seems to know a decent amount about the Bible in general. It was like talking to a pastor, but much more interesting. I hope I can hang out with her more. I felt uplifted for the rest of the afternoon after that. Maybe because I haven't had a good, uplifting conversation about God with a like-minded believer in a long time. Everyone has something to prove. Most of the time, I prefer to just relax in the commonly acknowledged truths: God is good, God is great, and we thank Him for our food... amen.

jk, but for real. It's the simple things that God gave us, which are beautiful enough to be taken as they are, and, when over-thought, can be complex enough to satisfy even the staunchest confusion-hound. ... like... a tree. especially a bunch of trees... in autumn... like what I'm exposed to here frequently enough to help make me forget about missing America as much.

"What was your happiest and your saddest moment here?"

Watching Trigun while I blog tonight. Today was studying and sleeping. I ate three full meals within two hours of each other, and that's all I ate today.

I got to talk to Dan and Steph last night, and talking to them helped me to screw my head on straight. I am confident in my ability to be a gentleman like I should be... however, Hyewon sounds like she might not want to come to Pohang after all. That's cool, but I have to admit, I was kinda looking forward to it.

I studied some more today. I think I understand the parallel axis theorem now, but I wish I had better practice.

"Ok, you've got yourself a team"

I studied today like I hoped I would. I went ate dinner with Chowan and we went for a walk. I sent Hyewon a text, but it was totally on accident.

Some person named Jrunliu just added me on Skype. After a short conversation, we learned that we don't know each other and he or she apologized for adding me on accident, saying there was another Zac that she or he was looking for. I asked the person's current country, and they replied "China", so I said "We can still talk if you want. I don't have any pen pals from China.^^" and the person said "hehe sure".

.................

Ok, she's an accountant, born 1988, definitely not a robot.

Hyewon just texted me back. I always feel weird giving instant responses to people when they take forever texting me back. I am gonna let this one sit for about 10 more minutes.

ok, my roommates want to play SC against the room nextdoor. I will blog more if I think of something else after that.

Deposited the last few nights' blogs into the First National dataBank of GWS Veasey.

This weekend was the Fall Festival, so few classes. I have a statics test next week. The way I see it, if I could study statics until my brain was oozing out my ears, actually understand the material almost perfectly, and still phych myself out bad enough to get a poor grade on the last test, I can't imagine how I will get a good grade on this one. This time, I *don't* understand the material. I will just read the chapters, follow along with all the example problems, and pray pray pray pray.

Next weekend or the weekend after will determine whether Hyewon and I keep in touch in the future. I feel like our relationship hereafter is heavily dependent on my ability to resist her that weekend. I don't think it will be too hard in public, because I don't want people around here thinking I have a girlfriend (although that might be a good thing). We might hang out and watch a movie together or something while she's here, and if we do that, I will have to just not put my arm around her.. not hold hands.. not even look at her. Also, I am really curious to see what she's like when she's drunk (because she seems so proud of it), but somehow, I think that won't be happening. The question in my mind is: what is the root of the determining factor here? Is it my sense of honor and Christian values vs. my lust, or my sincere desire for our friendship to last vs. my desire for something more than a friendship with her and that odd mixture of not-really-feeling-hurt (because I understand her point of view) vs really-wishing-this-would-have-gone-differently.
Anyway, one of the first things I plan on doing when I see her again is apologizing, however unnecessary it might be for me to do so.

I should be on Skype and Nateon as often as I am in my room for the rest of the next week. 지혜 is making an honest effort at a friendship, and I shouldn't pass it up just to save my bandwidth.... I just really don't like being on Skype unless I know that someone will be on soon. If I am going to sign on without appointment, I usually just sign on for a second to see who's on, and then get off.... and as long as you are on Nateon, you get popups in Internet Explorer.... ㅜㅜ

"It's a big blue watery road."

Listening to Bright Eyes now.

Arm wrestled my Mongolian roommate today, and after about 30 seconds of neither of us moving, we called it a tie. I think that he and I are twins from other countries. He says it's because I have some Cherokee blood in me, and Native Americans used to be Mongolians.

"You would do the dance that was choreographed at the dawn of time, singing I told you son, the day would come, when you would die die die die."

I've been drinking a lot of 율무자 lately, but a few hours ago my friend told me that that stuff lowers your sperm count crazily. .... it just tastes so freaking good .... I'm gonna have to get some second opinions.
.................................
Ok, so after about an hour of google searching and wikipedia reading, nowhere did I see anything about lowering sperm-count. I think this is another one of those cases where they were just making up stuff because I know absolutely nothing about Korean foods lol. It's not the first time. However, I did read that it helps clear complexions in people who have oily skin, (me)... and it's scientific name is "semen coicis" which is much too easy to make any jokes about.

........I'm gonna go make a glass of 율무자.

"Now I do as I please and I lie through my teeth. Someone might get hurt, but it won't be me. I should probably feel cheap, but I only feel free and a little bit empty."

I wonder if Lani has hidden my posts on facebook. Sometimes I get on there and see a post from her and check the chat-list to see if she's on. Even if she is, I don't talk. I just sit for a second and wonder what I would say if we did talk. I feel like a total weirdo for it, and it makes me think I never got over her. --no, shut up. I am totally over her... she just conveniently.. "exists" whenever I need something to be sad about. Each time I want to hide her posts, but I don't because if she ever un-friends me I want to realize it and find her and request her again, only until we have no more promises to keep.

"But I say to you, Do not take an oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. And do not take an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black."
Matthew 5:34-36
"It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay" Ecclesiastes 5:5

I've been praying off and on for wisdom still. I can ask all day, but how do I know when God has given it to me? I don't. If I say I am wise, then I am not at all, because wisdom is infinite, and I think we can only partially grasp it in our lifetime. Should I just keep praying for wisdom to no avail? Maybe this is just one of those things where you can't win, but you get props for trying anyway.

"Since then I've been so good at vanishing"
"Ignorance is like medicine"

지혜 has been cancelling appointments and stuff. I don't think she has a boyfriend, but she hangs out with Songu a lot, and he is an amazing guy. I think that if she likes him and ends up with him, it would make me very happy, because it would just be perfect. She's incredibly gorgeous, and too many good looking girls end up with bad guys.

My relationship with Hyewon is shaping up to be the opposite of good, but for some reason.... I can't (or refuse to) think of any reason not to just roll with it. I'm enjoying it a lot.

"So when you're asked to fight a war that's over nothing, it's best to join the side that's gonna win."

Every day, extending my day here begins to look like a worse and worse idea academically, but a better and better idea socially. I've been praying that God's will be done and that he would give me wisdom. Despite my deepest wants, all my reason tells me that going back to America is the best choice. I think that when you pray for wisdom, God reveals himself to you with more certainty. Psalm 25:14 says "The Lord confides in those who fear Him". If you receive that wisdom, then you will inevitably grow in every other area (although that doesn't necessarily mean you will stop suffering). You will want to read the Bible more; you will love others with a love that is closer to God's love; you will be more at peace; you will be more successful in resisting temptation. But I think it's important to stress that wisdom doesn't make you always happy. Even God, who is perfect, is not always in a good mood. Didn't God suffer? King Solomon, the wisest man "ever" (except God Himself as a man), starts his book with phrases like "everything is vanity". Basically, when I read that, I felt really good about myself because it affirmed for me exactly what I've always been saying: most of what we do is useless and worthless. Only pursuing God and His kingdom is worth doing. And people tell me that my worldview isn't Christian. There is a verse that says "there is no one righteous, not even one.". It's always been true. Does that mean we aren't saved? No.... well, I think it's not that simple. ... But definitions of salvation probably get shoved down your throat enough without me writing about them, too.

"that which is crooked cannot be made straight, and that which is lacking cannot be counted"

I am grasping at dry leaves in Statics class, but tomorrow I plan to read the book for most of the day.

Speaking of grasping at dry leaves.... Hyewon. What a crazy relationship. We had a discussion while I was there that neither of us had ever been in this kind of relationship before each other. I can't get it out of my mind lately.

And mom called me the other day. She started in on her incessant rambling about her problems with Hyewon again and I got mad at her. It made me realize just how much animosity I've been harboring toward her over this whole issue. The whole thing was none of her business.

Oh well... you win some, you lose some.

"No one's sure how all of this got started, but we're gonna make them God damn certain how it's gonna end."