I'm kinda stuck in this "take turns" idea, but I sometimes wonder if I should skip ahead for the sake of pursuit.

Sometimes I wonder whether a reader could guess at what I'm talking about. Maybe I should try to be more clear.

Today was homework homework homework. Then I came upstairs to chill with the fam, but after having sat and done homework for like 5 hours I didn't have the energy to move around much. I just wanted to take a nap. I felt like I'd just gotten off of a plane or out of a long car ride. I played some cards, watched some movie, ate some food, and we made a camp fire in the back yard^^

I'm looking at smartphones, but honestly I don't know where to start.

People expect me to know about the latest hardware and gadgets because I want to work with computers. Honestly, name-brands and their products don't matter to me. What am I going to do with detailed information about a hundred more products I can't afford, only to have to learn about newer, more expensive products next year? and I feel like being able to use some of that in conversation would ruin my self image. I just want to know how the dang things work. I can derive and integrate the head off your shoulders, but ask me to tell you the make and model of any component in my computer (which I *did* build myself, but still) and you're out of luck.

... oh hey! Chowon's online!

"The plot? Someone has a gun and a car and needs to kill some people to save something."

ETA

AAAAAAaAAAAAAA right when I posted that, Steph and Dan ran down and got in the car to go to the hospital. ~~baby is coming~~~~~~ ^^***********

Today was lots of work, and then some fun, and then some more work, and then some more fun and some talking with Chowon, and then a shower, and then sleep.

We painted and furnished the attic all day, preparing it for my mom. She's here now, but the baby isn't. The baby could decide it's time to leave Steph any minute, so we're all on our toes and Dan has a plan for if Steph goes into labor down.

Got some CUTE pics of Gwen today. I'll post them on facebook later.

God made time for me today, even though it was just a little bit, and filled me with hope. God, if you read these, you're the best.

Today I realized that the Bible would be a really good book if it wasn't so hard to read. Maybe it'd just be a really long book, because they don't tend to repeat themselves much when it comes to cool little details that bear repeating, like how Lot made it out on a prayer from that one guy in two stories which have slightly unrelated morals (how's that for a summary?!). I suppose someone could try rewriting the whole thing in contemporary fun-to-read language.... oh wait....

Jehova's witnesses were supposed to come argue with us today, but we were in the attic and didn't hear the doorbell ring. Oh well, they'll be back.

"Christ went down on Easter morning. Mother Mary went down to see it. 'Gotta tell my disciples to meet me in galilee.' Who's that writing? John the revelator."

Finished the first exam. It went pretty well. Painted the shed. Still have to nail those boards on and paint them, too. I want to move up to the attic, but it's nicer than the basement, and I think mom might stress out and try to solve world hunger if she has to live down here. There are some bugs that come out at night that won't bother you if you don't get in their way, and the stink bugs generally stay in one place until the light comes back on so I only have to hit one off the bed every so often and then turn out the light and it won't come back (afaict). Otherwise, though, the basement naturally stays at a more stable temperature than the rest of the house. It cools off at night, but is warmer than the rest of the house until noon, then it's cooler than the rest of the house. Scratching the dog makes my hand smell like dog, so I feel like I have to wash my hands before I touch anything after petting the dog *wrinkles face*.

"The entire argument was flawed, because uniqueness was with us all along."

Tonight I'm thinking about how you can never tell what other people are thinking.

"It almost makes me wish I could change everything for the worse"

"Just as the heart fades away in death, so does it's love fade away in life."

What am I more afraid of, being betrayed or being forgotten? I think I have experienced both in a small sense, but I can't decide which would be worse in the future unless the forgetting is mutual.

Even those fears are insignificant compared to the strangeness of peace brought on by resolving that deep confusion of ours.

I always feel like I make mistakes, and I over analyze what people must think of me. Maybe it's a bad idea to write here as if nobody reads it. Maybe I don't write here as if nobody reads it.... The thought that I could be writing my emotions down, HOPING that any person I know would read them is completely nauseating to me, but what knowledge do we have of our subconscious? And to refuse to acknowledge something is to prove it's existence. It's the same as what that guy says in the Starfucker song "if you are aware of a state which you call 'is', or reality, or life, this implies another state called 'isn't' or unreality or nothingness..." But I think the philosopher is speaking more of a present unreality than a nonpresent one. Like, there is definitely not a giant spaghetti monster in my living room, but there could be a few ghosts (just to make this point). The ghosts would be a present nothingness, while the monster is nonpresent nothingness (that is to say it doesn't exist anyway).

Anyway, this train of thought leads us to the conclusion that there is no way for me, personally, to know what I am feeling. Is my subconscious sad while I am merely trying to be happy; refusing to acknowledge my sadness? There's no way for me to know. ... I suppose I could try both and see which is easier ... Idek. This is a useless train of thought.

So I talked to Gavin a few weeks ago about the promise thing with Lani. I think it might suffice to call her up and ask her about it. I think that if she's forgotten (which I wouldn't put past her) then I can call the deal off. Explaining myself completely has always worked in the past, maybe I'll just do that.: I'd be willing to talk about it for rote, but I don't really want us to have a second chance.

I think I accidentally sounded a little bit jealous on the phone with Chowon today. Wondering what she must think of it (or me!!! Lions and tigers and bears OH MY!) makes me cringe.

This church I've been going to is really challenging my worldviews. The people there worship enthusiastically, which is just awesome, but they are so much more into it than I'm used to. They sing with loud voices, they stomp and clap and dance around, they close their eyes and raise their hands, some of them wave flags in the back, and some of them are not very good at singing. Sometimes when they look like fools it's hard not to judge them, because I'm usually really reserved and boring when I worship God. I like the feel of their services and I hope I can come out of my shell a bit and maybe infect some LeTourneau students with the enthusiasm when I return.

Another thing they do that is probably 90% of what challenges me about this church is that before each service the pastor asks the congregation to listen to the Holy Spirit and if anyone feels lead or receives a "word" from the Holy Spirit, to come up and give it in front. There is always at least one person coming up, and not always the same person. These people are mostly very well-versed in scripture, and seem (by their actions as well as their words) very well-grounded in their faith, and the "words" they give are sometimes encouragements for the whole congregation (which who can argue with?) or sometimes they are directed at an individual in the audience. The amazing thing is, these "words" seriously stir up a focus on God and a feeling of closeness or belonging in the chapel (as if the Holy Spirit were trying to make us feel like a family sitting around our beloved brother who would tell us something great about God). When they are directed at the church as a whole, they are often perfect for the mood of the lesson, and when they are for individuals, they almost invariably leave the individual crying tears of joy for some previously concealed incident in their life that God had spoke to them about. What's really amazing is when the word concerns something tentative in the future, and they come back the next week with praises that God had fulfilled his promise. It's hard not to judge the church for this, but these people aren't televangelists. They're people like me, who I see every day and trust and love (at least, vicariously through my brother, who I respect to an absolute). It's a weird thing, and someone may read this and think I'm a typical cult follower, but I think that the Holy Spirit moves in that church in a unique way.

This blog was super long, but whatev's. Props if you read all of it. ^^

So I was gonna post some pictures on Facebook, but then I changed my mind and decided to post on Facebook about how my Facebook account was down for the next few hours due to site maintenance, but then I remembered that my Facebook is down due to site maintenance.

Today felt like the difference between meaning and purpose. ... in a really indirect way... It was just the vibe is all. Meaning is what grounds you. It's the unmovable truth that lets you know you're on the right or wrong road. Purpose is the road itself.

You might say the meaning of life is written for us in the Bible. The purpose of life is to walk with God and worship him along with humanity as a whole... but humanity is broken, and we have to do our part to fix it as well as we can, despite the futility of our efforts.

I slept during a good portion of the airshow, but I'd like to think I saw the cool parts (the flame thrower demo, the spitfire, some other planes throwing smoke and doing flips, the "reenactment", and the flea market.) The reenactment was kindof hilarious. They had one Japanese Zero on site, so instead of having a mock dog fight or something, (which I'm sure would be outrageously dangerous,) they had the planes do circles around the crowd, and every time the Zero flew over they shot it with their fake MGs. Well, a few of the MGs were real, but they weren't the firing kind anymore.

A lot of today I was wondering if I aught to text Chowon or if I should wait a day or two. I wonder when it's too much, and I don't want to get ahead of myself when we've got like a year before we see each other again. Then the one time I had her available and texting at the same time as me, Bud pulls out CoD Black Ops and I completely lost focus and didn't text back. Waiting for the response now to my 2-hour late text.

"Never forget the sun. It's only a dream tonight. Let me take it carefully...for you"