/*Commentary August 2026

What a crazy time. This must have been right after I sent my wife away, because I think I had like 2 days left in the hotel at that point. After that is when I moved into the office. The timeline is a little fuzzy. I remember those warranty phone calls. They sometimes lasted all day! And the panic attacks were a regular occurrence for me during that time. God really provided through it. I'm not sure if I would change the fact that it happened if I could; only maybe change how much I stressed about it while it was happening. 

*/

Man, I'm glad I had a good day Sunday, because today was extremely difficult. It was all rushing around, phone calls, trying to stay productive at work, and here's a new feature to this chapter in my life: panic attacks. I had to wake up early to go look at the house before work and sign some papers. Then, on the way to work and during work I was having phone calls with warranty companies. The phone calls were crazy. At one point, I was on hold with a warranty company, and I got called by another warranty company. It was important, so I conferenced them, and I had my whole conversation with warranty company 2 shouting over the hold music from warranty company 1. All that while I'm rushing to the car, because I have important errands to run and it's all the sudden time for my lunch break. Then when I got back, I had emails about projects that I was supposed to start on a week ago, and I had to power through as much of those projects as I could while hammering away at this house situation.

But I actually got a lot done. I pushed three projects to the point where I am waiting on other people now. As far as work goes, I think it was a productive day in the end.

Also, I dropped off my wife's car in a safe place where it can wait out the house situation, and had to walk back to my hotel in the hottest part of the day, right after work. I could have gotten an uber, but we're saving money, and I had enough time, so I powered through it. Discomfort is sometimes cleansing, and although I ended the walk exhausted and thirsty, it helped me get past all the rushing from earlier in the day. And anyway, my current lodgings are comfortable and I got a free dinner at the hotel. My needs are accounted for.

Talking with warranty companies is extremely stressful. I don't know the terminology or the trades involved with all this, and everything I say is twisted up by them. It's like insurance isn't really about whether or not a thing is covered; it's about whether or not you can phrase your description of things in a way that gets the things covered. It's a semantic game; I can't imagine how it is any less harmful to people less privileged than myself. What a waste of resources, the energy we expend to hold up these unbalanced scales.

During the purchase of the house, I tried to do things shrewdly; explaining things only as they needed to be explained; carefully wording everything; carefully examining every detail. It was the one detail I neglected which turned out to be the most important. It will always be impossible to capture every detail, and so all that effort can be nothing but useless. Moreover, I don't like it. I don't know how to twist up words like the insurance companies do. I'm not practiced in that game. I've resolved that from now on, I want only to act on the simple and plain integrity of my heart, to depend on God's providence to protect me from things I don't know, and to be eagerly ignorant of everything anyone asks me if it relates to the working of another man's trade.

"I love you. I hate you. I need you. Go away."