Today I revisited some old blogs today. Particularly some blogs I had forgotten about: the two books I wrote on April 25th, 2010 -- while I was preparing to go to Korea.

Reading these reminded me of a state of mind which had fastened itself to my back and grown heavy, and still occasionally revisits me. These days, however, it seems my fury has much calmed -- like my mom said it would; she used to tell me about how many the things which are "so important" in my youth will be recognized as fights not-worth-fighting when I get older, and how I will learn the value of boredom and forget the troubles of the world. It's better this way. Within the next 20 years my mind will begin to decline, and as it slowly rots in my skull... I hope that hope, faith, and happiness survive the longest.

I was so involved in hatred and frustration with God and LeTourneau and the world at that time, and I wondered if Korea was exactly what I needed. It was. God definitely planned for me to go to Korea and learn how good I have it... but can't it be so much better?

I consider in that chapter if God's plan would place an open door in Korea. .. Something to get me walking in the right direction.. I think it did.

Run-on sentences and long paragraphs aside, though, I don't think I can more eloquently describe my insecurities and my problems with the world than I did in my blogs from that month (and immediately surrounding period).

"Holy holy is His sacrament; $30 pays your rent."