So the past week or two I have been doing all the initiating with Chowon. Calling her, and texting her, and she would call back if she missed it, and she was always very sweet so I was only minimally worried about it.

Then she told me she was feeling depressed, and that explained why I was the one initiating. However, it put me in a weird spot. I really don't want to annoy Chowon, but I wanted so badly to be there when she was depressed. I called her and texted her often.

Then yesterday she said that she felt like she was slowly becoming dependent on me... (for happiness and contentment; to not feel alone). We talked about it a bit, I kinda stumbled around trying to nail down the point that I think it's ok to love humans and to try not to be alone with respect to other humans, but that everyone should ultimately become satisfied with God... because we can never fully escape loneliness; it's bound to happen to us sometimes. I told her that, more or less. Then I tried to cheer her up a bit and get her thinking about good things God is doing for her.

She's definitely caught up in some powerful spiritual warfare around her. I really hope she can be strong and continue looking for God.

She said thanks. She said she doesn't want to talk "tomorrow or the day after" (not with an angry tone). I told her that I respected that and would not call her, but would wait for her to contact me first. It was a really calm, but heartfelt conversation. I thought the mood was sad and loving on both ends. Before we hung up, I told her I was sad because I don't know when we'll talk again and she said she'd contact me within one week. It reminds me a lot of when I asked her out and she made me wait. She then she said she loved me (but...only after I asked her to...) and we said goodbye.

Since then, it's only been one day, but I want to talk to her much and often -- maybe just because I can't. I've resisted contacting her... I'll wait.. My confidants have asked me if she will break up with me. I think that she won't.... but I am notably clueless about these things.

One of my good friends lost his girlfriend yesterday, but she said it might just be temporary. He's clinging to that. I hope she means it. She'd be missing out without a guy like him.

"The priest, the book, or the congregation..."