Today I have wondered a lot if I am the cause of Chowon's recent distress. Was I too attached? Did I scare her away? Am I going through too much and putting too many of my burdens on her? Is it better for me not to tell her when things are going wrong? Why did she not tell me she loved me until the very end, when I asked her to... she is normally very outspoken about that... unless she's mad at me. Was she mad? Should I be pursuing her now? Does she want me to keep calling her even though she said we should be distant? How can I know? I told her I wouldn't... I should stick with what I said.

I hope we didn't miscommunicate...

The meeting with Chad today seemed more like what my impression of counselling was, but still not quite what I've expected. I'm sure he'll ease into something very definable. I mentioned my blog, and he said he didn't know about it. Maybe I'll send it to him... maybe not.

Community service today was in the rain. It rained pretty hard, and when it let up, we went to dig trenches for irrigation. I had to take off my shoes because my feet were sinking about 4 inches into the mud. -- However, strangely enough, I really enjoyed it. The fresh air and work were refreshing, and the mud and dirt felt cool and comfortable between my toes. The group I work with has a unique, but somehow typical assortment of personalities. All of them are very fun and nice to me, so far. The boss, Scott, has a very awkward demeanor one-on-one, but his smile makes him seem like he was so unprepared for happiness as to be surprising to me as his audience. As a group, I'd say they have a very winning personality.

"Someday when things are slow again..."