Staying up late tonight. Hard to motivate myself to do homework like I need to.

These days I wonder sometimes what it's ok to write about. Sometimes Chowon reads my blog, sometimes Chris does, sometimes Shane does. None of them read every post... but what if I want to write about them?

...I'm really happy with Chowon these days. She makes my day brighter each time I see her. Sometimes I worry, though. Like lately she has seemed a little down. I can't seem to figure it out, but I hope I can help.

Today a friend of mine got called to the RD's office. Before he went, he and I talked about what the RD might want. We guessed that the RD might want to ask him about me... When that came out, even though it was just a joke, I felt profoundly and deeply nauseous. For a moment I actually thought I was gonna puke. I really don't want to hear any more people telling me what I did wrong and all the things wrong with it. I really don't want to think about it anymore. I really don't want to go show the people higher up that I have a good attitude anymore, I wish they would just know it. I really don't want to go to this meeting tomorrow with Mr. C. I really don't want to do homework. I just want to go to sleep and wake up when the semester is over. I sometimes look at assignments or notes and get nauseous. I'm frustrated at the amount of effort it takes to make a good impression on people. I feel unaccepted by the people above me, like they stretch out a cautious arm to me. I need a hug.

I feel completely different during the day than at night... but sometimes... I am weaker than at other times.

"So do bands of priests."