Friday, June 25, 2021
Tuesday, June 1, 2021
So first of all, I've moved to Connecticut, and I'm set up in my new place. It's beautiful. The apartment complex is very quiet; there are some woods with paths going out into them, and a nice pond, right behind our unit. We're not too far from all the stores we need, and my commute isn't too too bad (although my wife prefers me to be home as soon and as much as possible to help with Isaac.) Chowon is adjusting really well to the rural lifestyle; it's really not that different from living in Phoenix, except that all our drive times are a little longer.
Sunday, April 4, 2021
There's a storm in my head right now, and I can't seem to dissipate it. I'm home alone until Thursday. Tonight I'm doing everything in my immediate power to reduce stress, and I'm dedicating my free time tomorrow and the day after to this task entirely.
Here's the music I'm into right now:
"Why don't you be more like him?"
"He's already a senior engineer. You have enough experience. Why aren't you a senior engineer yet?
"I'm sorry for comparing you to him. I won't do it again."
"I'm so glad that I'm married to someone who makes enough money for me to stay at home with Isaac."
"I'm not comparing you to him, but look at what he's doing; don't you want to do what he's done? Doesn't it show that you're not making what you're worth?"
"You should fight for a bigger raise."
"Look at how much he's making."
I'm an engineer because it's what I like to do! I will not ruin it by transforming it into a battle for things I don't need. I would rather quit and be a freelance stick-figure artist than change jobs just for a bigger salary, or even get into an argument with anyone just to get a bigger raise.
I don't lack ambition. I place my ambition in things greater than money. I want contentment.
"Here's what I've done; see how I made progress at my job. Let's talk about how you can do this, too."
"Having heard my story, what are your thoughts? What do you think prevents you from doing as I've done?"
"[Let me tell you, at least 2 to 3 times per day, how wonderful it is that] I've provided a 600$/month flexible spending budget for my wife. She wasn't content without it, but now she's much more happy. Happy wife, happy life."
"Come on; let's finish that conversation from before. I wanna poke holes in your reason for not changing jobs. Why else don't you wanna switch and make more money?"
"I just want you to make what I know you're worth."
"You can get a bigger raise by switching jobs"
I hate the rat race and I'd rather be homeless than join it!!
Anyone else wanna give me job advice?! Line up! Who else wants to tell me how much I'm worth?
I'll sooner die than want what everyone keeps telling me I'm inadequate for not having!!!! And hearing that I "should pursue it" makes me hate it all the more! Who in their right mind applies "should"s and "ought"s (moral imperatives) to financial gain? Maybe I'd have a bit of energy and motivation to pursue it if I wasn't so drained by your criticisms? Maybe It would be fun to explore, or even play against, the job market if I wasn't being measured by it.
I know that my pride alone doesn't stand a chance in a war against the USD; God help me.
Here's another good one:
"You haven't provided a secure environment for us. You aren't protecting me from the racist looks that people give me, or the impatience of strangers at the grocery store when you're not around. You're not protecting me from the noises that penetrate our apartment bedroom walls when our neighbors are loudly having sex. Simply complaining to the apartment manager, and applying for jobs out of state, wasn't enough. What are you going to do to fix it?"
"I don't trust anyone, and I can't trust anyone, and I won't trust anyone! How can I trust you?"
"You need to prove to me that you are going to be a good father for our next child. I'm glad that you walk Isaac for 1-2 hours each day, make breakfast and eat it with him each morning while I sleep, change his first diaper, and do the bedtime routine every night, but you don't act like these people I see in this youtube video. Let me show you a youtube video about a dad playing with his smart kid. See how much he's wrestling with his kid in the video? If you played with Isaac more like this, maybe he'd be more above-average than he already is!"
"You need to prove to me that you can handle more than one kid. You haven't proved yourself to me yet. If you're this tired after work, how can I expect you to have energy to give adequate attention to a second kid?"
I honestly have no idea what else I can do with the time that I have. Talk more to him? I don't think his world should be continuously narrated; I want to enjoy quiet with him, and we do that and play with each other look at each other and giggle often, and we do talk more than I talk to most other people (save Chowon alone) -- I love those times. I prefer to spend quality time with him, and it's easy to see that he enjoys it. The only thing that makes it negative, is when, from the entire opposite side of the house, a scolding tone comes, "Why aren't you talking to him more?" He's two years old! What else could I do? Wrestle with him more? I wrestle with him a little bit almost every day. How many minutes of wrestling per day before I'm a good dad?
"You should come pick up Isaac like this."
"You should go under the box fort with him right now. [I just randomly made this box fort without talking about it, and Isaac didn't even go into it until I told him to like 5 times, and I'm not going in there with my kid or yours, but you should. See, your wife agrees you should.]."
"Watch me do this; you should do it."
"This is a dad book -- you should read this to him."
"You should have another video call with Gershom; I think Isaac would like that."
Please, tell me more about what you think my son would like. Please explain my son's character to me more. How can I better appease my wife's desire for money? Who is my wife anyway? How much money must I make before I'm a good spiritual leader in my house?
Here's another one:
No, without guile, I'm selfish for being angry with him -- angry with him for loudly suggesting over and over, in front of my wife and kid, that I entertain Isaac in the way that he's entertaining his kid (or sometimes in apparently random ways per his whim), rather than simply letting me approach my kid on my own terms -- selfish because that anger distracts me from my son. It's a mistake this experience has helped teach me to avoid.
Another one:
Maybe I'm unusually slow in my approach to Isaac... but I'm slow to approach everyone and everything. I measure my target before I engage; I prepare the room before I sit to relax; I organize all my soaps and scrubbers in advance before I clean a thing; I draw a design before I build a machine. It isn't that I don't do a thing; it's not that I don't engage with Isaac (if that were the case, then I wouldn't be engaging with Isaac as often as I am) -- I want to look at what he's doing; try to discern what he's immediately interested in and his emotional state; I want to thoughtfully develop a creative activity which matches the environment, myself, and him, all at once, and I do it at a slower pace than my wife, or her friend's husband, or her youtube subscription family.
I feel like I keep getting intercepted en route to Isaac -- while I'm genuinely focused on him -- and accused of being inattentive.
I'm selfish for writing this blog about it. If I truly exemplified the unconditional love which God calls me to have, I would simply forgive, and having forgiven, I would have no need to vent these things. But to whom can I vent anyway?
This blog has only two regular readers, both in eastern Europe, and I'm increasingly convinced that they're robots.
This has always been my place to vent. Maybe it's a childish thing, to post these publically, and maybe I should grow out of it... I suppose, if I get any pushback on this post, I'll either terminate this blog or formally dedicate it, exclusively, to lighter (or perhaps more obscure) content.
Watch me making excuses for myself. Perhaps my behavior is simply inadequate.
I really don't have time to write all this. I don't have time to rest.
"Are you emotionally drained?"
Saturday, February 6, 2021
Today I was thinking about and appreciating the things I learned from my family. Each of my family members afforded me a distinct and valuable influence while I was growing up. Surely it would take at least a full 18 to 30 years to describe it all, but of the gains which I hold dear and which I hope to pass on to my son, these were on my mind today.
My sister is, and always has been, an exceptional artist, with a love for creative originality and individualism. She taught me to appreciate innovation, artistic irony, all kinds of music, and beauty in visual art. To see, even when a song sounds unappealing or a painting weird, that it might be so intentionally, and the artist can be valued, and even enjoyed for his uniqueness, because he expresses something which nobody else is expressing. Moreover, that I should strive to do things which haven't been done before, and that simply copying others devalues my contributions to my art.
My dad taught me to enjoy different cultures, to appreciate nature, and to go further than simply enjoying a beautiful thing, but to ask what the artist intended to communicate, and to search myself and find what the art evoked in me, even if it isn't what the artist intended. Not saying "what a beautiful painting", or, "what a beautiful mountain range", but rather, "what has the artist expressed in this painting", and, "what majesty, what righteousness, has God expressed in this mountain".
My mom taught me to love words, clear and concise expressions, logical relationships, to search out concealed meaning, and to conceal meaning in structure. She taught me to love poetry, to pay attention to the lyrics, and to value philosophical disagreements. Where my dad and sister taught me to draw meaning out of art, my mom taught me to see meaning as an art form on its own.
My brother reinforced in me an ability to get back up after failure, to search myself for hidden strength, to do what is required without concern for my immediate preferences. He taught me to value manliness, to see dignity in it, to associate honor, integrity, and leadership with it, and to build an identity, image of God, out of my ontology. He taught me that there is much value in striving, and that I need not be discouraged in anything.
I am grateful for my upbringing. God, thank you for the people you put in my life. Please enable me to bless my son by modeling and teaching good character. Surround my children with good influences like these. Bless and protect my family, lord, and guide me in instilling your righteous wisdom in them.
"But they who slew him, unaware of coward murderers lurking nigh, and left him to the birds of air, are still alive, and they must die."
Friday, January 8, 2021
1. Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.
2 Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment.
3 For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval,
4 for he is God's servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God's wrath on the wrongdoer.
5 Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God's wrath but also for the sake of conscience.
6 For because of this you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing.
7 Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.
8 Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.
9 For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet,” and any other commandment, are summed up in this word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
10 Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.
11 Besides this you know the time, that the hour has come for you to wake from sleep. For salvation is nearer to us now than when we first believed. 12 The night is far gone; the day is at hand. So then let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light. 13 Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy. 14 But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.
Saturday, December 19, 2020
1 Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. 2 Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. 3 For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, 4 for he is God's servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God's wrath on the wrongdoer. 5 Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God's wrath but also for the sake of conscience. 6 For because of this you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. 7 Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.
Thursday, October 15, 2020
Getting back into Baduk lately. I wrote this post slowly over a few days, because I don't have much time to blog these days. I listened to this on the first day and thought it was pretty good (heads up, it has profanity):
I saw this article by T.D. Gordon recently, and I very much appreciated the time and effort which the author put into making it into an organized and well-structured overview of his understanding of the status of things regarding judicial Theonomy (I'm making a distinction between "Judicial Theonomy" and "Ethical Theonomy" in order to help the reader, but heads up: I don't think there is actually a significant difference, and this lack-of-a-difference will inform some of what I'm about to write). Gordon is opposed to theonomy, so he ends each section with his favored rebuttals to the arguments for theonomy.
I think it would be valuable for me to address the first argument he makes. He structured it well enough that I feel I can respond to him "point-for-point". Idk if he'll ever see this, but I certainly hope that what I write is good for the edification of any readers (google analytics says I get an average of 2 viewers, excluding myself, per post, and they both appear to be in eastern Europe. I'm not expecting much here.).
So, getting to the point: the argument I want to discuss is what he has called "The Argument from Necessity". The argument from necessity is an argument in favor of Theonomy. He presents it and then rebuts it from several angles.
He says that the argument from necessity is this: "we need to know how to function in the civil arena, and therefore the word of God must provide us with such instruction."
The first part of his rebuttal is (summarily): that knowledge of "statecraft" is a "want", not a "need", and the Theonomist must provide grounds to distinguish statecraft from other affairs, such as medicine and science, in order to justify the notion that we need guidance in statecraft and therefore God must provide that, but we apparently don't need guidance in these other areas, and so the Bible has not provided guidance there.
My response: I reject the distinction he makes between God's commands relevant to "statecraft" and the other commands which I suppose he might say are not relevant to statecraft (such as the command to not murder, etc). That is, I see the command to carry out a specific prescribed penalty for thieves as similar in weightiness to the command to abstain from acts of theft. Why should he say that the second one is binding and not the first? Moreover, as far as categorical necessity goes, the fact that God has provided a comprehensive set of guidelines indicates that the guidelines are, themselves categorically similar in such a way that they (as a whole) distinguish themselves from whatever pieces of information are not presented to us in scripture (i.e. medicine and agriculture). Thus, the grounds which T.D. Gordon requests for distinguishing statecraft from other scientific fields, in terms of our need for its description from God, is thus: the commands which we need are the commands given. The commands which we do not need are the commands not given.
In short, in order for him to make his case, he should produce scripture which dictates a hermeneutic which substantially distinguishes between laws pertaining to "statecraft" and not. I recognize he makes some effort to do this in his discussion of covenant theology, and I don't intend to address all that in this rebuttal, but I pick out a few points I found valuable to respond to at the end of this post.
As to whether the law is a "need" or a "want" -- given my above responses, I'm not sure that the distinction is still relevant.
The second part of his rebuttal is (summarily): that natural revelation has proved sufficient in the field of science, and likewise proves sufficient in the field of government. He asks, "If we could not develop and refine statecraft by this method, then how can we account for the fact that many governments have proceeded, with varying degrees of success, by this method?"
My response: The "varying degrees of success" you mention are all, in their conclusion, failures. Just because one government lasts an extra hundred years or so before failing, it does not make it any less of a failure. If we could develop and refine statecraft by this method, then how can we account for all these failures?
The third part of his rebuttal is (summarily): Why would Paul urge obedience to the Roman government if he thought that the Roman government was fundamentally wrong?
My response: The premise that Paul urged obedience to a government which was fundamentally wrong is flawed. Paul urged obedience to governing authorities, and then he said "Rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad.". Was the Roman government in his day a terror only to bad conduct? Weren't they in the business of punishing people for spreading the gospel and worshipping God? What better conduct is there than to worship God? Clearly, inasmuch as Rome was terrorizing good conduct, they were not a ruler as Paul defines here -- otherwise, submission to them would have been precisely to abandon the faith whenever they demanded it (and they did demand it). So, ultimately, we obey rulers and authorities only inasmuch as they act according to the authority given to them by God (indeed, "there is no authority except from God"). It is therefore providential that God has given us an outline for what practices and means are delegated to human governing authorities. Any exercise outside of God's delegation is not "an authority instituted by God".
The fourth part of his rebuttal is (summarily): that Theonomists, leaning on the doctrine of the sufficiency of scripture, see statecraft as being "necessary for man's life", but that this is dependent on an erroneous understanding of the sufficiency of scripture. He argues that scripture is a guide to "faith and life" in the religious sense, but not something intended to "answer all of our questions". He supports this using WCF 1:6 "The whole counsel of God concerning all things necessary for his own glory, man’s salvation, faith and life, is either expressly set down in Scripture, or by good and necessary consequence may be deduced from Scripture." He then calls back to his request for a rule for distinguishing between statecraft and other fields of knowledge (see my response to his first rebuttal).
My response: Typically when I hear Theonomists mention the "sufficiency of scripture", they reference the Bible rather than the confessions. I don't intend to poo poo the confession here, but I just want to make sure we're talking about the same thing so that we understand each other well. I think his rebuttal here is partially dependent on a misunderstanding of Theonomy (although not necessarily a misunderstanding of what the authors of the WCF intended; I have never met them, and I wouldn't know). Usually I've heard Theonomists utilize 2 Tim 3:16-17 to say "Scripture is sufficient to thoroughly equip the servant of God for every good work". I want to emphasize: "thoroughly" and "every good work". It isn't the case that curing cancer is a "good work", but rather the effort to cure cancer can be called a "good work", and the Bible equips a person to know that pursuing the well-being of our neighbors is a good work. If we don't succeed at curing cancer, then was our research not a good work? And if we succeed, is it because we're "more good", or rather because we were "more skilled"? So, to the distinction between "statecraft" and "science", I refer back to my first response: the rule for distinguishing what explanation is "needed" to equip us for good works, and what explanation is "not needed" to equip us for good works (the same distinction which enables us to specify that these commands in the category so-called "statecraft" are required whereas instructions on how to cure cancer are not) is, "what explanation do we have in the Bible?". If we have it in the Bible, then it contributes to equipping us for every good work.
A few other items I wanted to respond to, variously, in the document, include these:
Gordon seems to be under the impression that Theonomy lives or dies on a specific interpretation of Matthew 5:17-21. This is not the case, and illustrates some unfamiliarity with the rest of the Biblical argument for Theonomy. Any reader who sees this and agrees with Gordon must be thinking, "ok, then give me the rest of the Biblical argument for Theonomy!" .... I'm not going to do it justice here; I really want to keep this as short as possible. That verse is maybe the shortest Biblical case for Theonomy, but it isn't the only case for Theonomy. For starters, I don't think I agree with the idea that "fulfill" should better be said "ratify". I think "fulfill" is appropriate to illustrate the distinction between laws which present us with an actionable obligation, and laws which Jesus makes non-actionable by means of his own actions on our behalf. For example, the Bible makes clear that we still have a sacrifice (better yet, a Passover sacrifice in particular), it's Jesus. We still have a priest, it's Jesus. We still have a temple; our body is the temple. etc. etc. etc.. It doesn't make sense for teachings such as these to be in the New Testament if the law was removed from us. If the law could simply be "changed" and "removed" from us, then why would we need Jesus to be our sacrifice and priest? Those distinctions only make sense in the context of a hermeneutic rule where OT Law is assumed to be continuous unless explicitly abrogated in this way by some action of Jesus. I am fine with supposing that any any or all of the OT laws have been removed from us, but given that we all agree at least some of the OT laws abide (e.g. "do not murder"), it is unsafe to say that any of them have ceased to abide without also providing an explanation such as the ones above (Jesus is our priest/temple/sacrifice etc). If some obligation in the law is to be removed from us, then there must be an explanation for its removal.
Gordon also seems to argue from a nuanced understanding of "the law and the prophets", which I don't think has much warrant -- it seems to me that every example he gave of its usage remains coherent if the phrase is taken to mean "the entire OT".
Gordon proceeds to argue that imposing the requirement of the law will cause the Jerusalem council to be condemned, as well as the author of Hebrews and Paul.
The Jerusalem council seems to be a problematic argument for Gordon, since they seem to have limited their injunction to dietary restrictions and sexual abstinence. I doubt that Gordon would agree that the dietary restrictions here are obligatory for us, or that sexual sin is the only kind of sin we should abstain from. Furthermore, if we grant that the Jerusalem council appears to have been rebutting Judaizers, who taught that the law should be followed completely *for salvation*, then perhaps the commands begin to make sense, because sexual sin and the eating of food sacrificed to idols are known to have been practiced as part of the pagan religions there, and we know from elsewhere in the Bible that we should avoid violating the consciences of our weaker brothers.
I don't see any clear argument in Gordon's paper to the effect that Paul and the author of Hebrews would be called "least" on account of Bahnsen's confirmation of the law. I see that he discusses how the bloody ritual, circumcision, has been replaced with a non-bloody ritual, baptism, and he asks how that should inform our understanding of capital punishment -- as if the summation of meaning in the transition from circumcision to baptism were its change from "bloody" to "not bloody" (which I'm not sure is even a distinction mentioned in the Bible), and as if capital punishment were in summary a "bloody ritual" -- that simply isn't the case. Circumcision was more than blood letting, and capital punishment doesn't confirm criminals into the covenant. The connection here is a weird category conflation.
In rebutting the Westminister Assembly's teaching that the decalogue was given to Adam and Eve (I do not think the Ten Commandments were given to Adam and Eve, but I think that the abstraction stands without that detail), Gordon seems very nearly to make my case for me. He quotes Romans 5:13, saying "sin was in the world before the law", and says that this means that the law was not in the world prior to the establishment of the covenant. But then, what were they sinning against? Let's quote verse 13 and 14 together: "for sin indeed was in the world before the law was given, but sin is not counted where there is no law. Yet death reigned form Adam to Moses, even over those whose sinning was not like the transgression of Adam, who was a type of the one who was to come". They sinned in ways unlike Adam's sin, and were penalized with death even though the law had not been given. How is this possible unless the law was in-effect before it was given? How could death reign before the law was given, if "sin is not counted where there is no law" unless the law is timeless, and so ignorance is no excuse? So "giving" the law was not "creating" the law, but simply formalizing the standards of righteousness which all men are already obligated to follow. If this is not the case, then why was Sodom and Gomorrah destroyed? Why was Abimelech's household almost destroyed when he took Rebekah? And why was Cain's murder of Abel penalized?
The rest of Gordon's argument after that, equating the ten commandments with the covenant, appears to liberate Christians from the decalogue in particular, without quite addressing the rest of the law -- I was confused by it. If the Ten Commandments were only for that covenant, then do we not have to follow them now? If Jesus's advocacy for OT law were carried out only because he was giving his teachings prior to his own death, then does that mean that the only moral injunctions with any abiding validity are those in the epistles? The argument appears to be advocating either a complete removal of all OT moral injunctions or a removal only of the ten commandments; in the former case, we're in a very difficult situation because the epistles are not as specific about sin as the OT enumerations of the law, and they repeatedly reference the OT law when repeating their injunctions. In the latter case, we're still left with every OT law except for the 10 commandments, which is a very bizarre conclusion, which I've never heard advocated by anyone.
That's it, guys. I hope somebody finds this valuable.
Before I close the blog, I want to let everyone know that all of Bahnsen's lectures are free now. You can get them at https://www.cmfnow.com/mp3-bahnsen.aspx, and they will later be remastered and rehosted on apologiastudios.com as well as bahnsenproject.com. Praise God.
"There's no problem with your understanding"