Hyewon has moved in. We found out some more stuff about her landlord. Turns out he's doin shady business, so mom says she might try to take some legal action. I am opposed to the idea because I feel like we are giving in to the American stereotype that sues over everything and not to mention, we aren't really helping anything... Idk. I'm opposed to most legal action. I don't like the judicial system or half of our legal codes and whatever. I don't want to get into it in detail tonight.... but whatever.........

Hyewon is actually sitting next to me, talking on the phone now. It's kinda late, and I should really be getting to bed because I have to wake up for Warped Tour tomorrow. D: But it's cool. I got lots of sleep last night and the night before, so I can probably operate on just 6 or 7 hours tonight.

That's all to report ;)

"You're a tumbler; I'm a thermos."

Ugh, I was just organizing my external hard drive and I found this list I made a while back. The date in properties is last September, most recently saved on December 14th. It might just make me grouchy for the rest of the day.

Here's the contents (copy and paste):
"
-road trip cross country--> hang out with truckers in every state we cross.
-some movies you havnt seen. i dont remember which ones.
-that board game... oh yeah! mancala
-a bear hug
-pooh sticks
-time capsule with a journal and some stuff
"
DELETED! (lol hsr reference)

Today I went to the dentist again. The filling I got yesterday was more sensitive than it should have been, so I got it changed from silver to amalgum. (It's called amalgum, right?)

Today I did that and took the bus home, but this time, instead of missing my stop I missed my transfer and ended up walking about 5 miles home. It wasn't too bad, though. The weather was nice, I had a frappucino, and the stop-sign-lady in front of the elementary school made good conversation while I waited for traffic at one point.

I spent a dollar today out of obligation. It was one of my cash dollars, leaving only 9 for the offering plate. I put the rest in my Bible so I won't have it when opportunities come up.

Hyewon moves in tomorrow. Warped tour is on Saturday; Hyewon cant come. Sunday I go to work at the troubled kid's camp. Idk why I signed up for that.... I mean, I think it's good to help out, and I will do it cheerfully, but... well... I shouldn't think negatively about the task at hand. Things like this aren't meant to be easy, and one must take the bad with the good.

I feel like I have more to write... but I can't immediately remember what I wanted to write. I will ETA later if I think of anything.

"This is the place. Remember it?"

Today I got in touch with a few old friends, and I saw some strangers. I walked about 2 or 3 miles because I missed my bus stop on the way home from the dentist. I had to get a filling, and I'm sensitive to cold and stuff.

Mom's conversation with Hyewon seemed pretty harmless, but she keeps telling me more of what she and Hyewon said, and the more I know, the more uncomfortable I am with it. I want to hang out with Hyewon again soon, but I am afraid I won't have an opportunity. God is doing some weird things in both our lives all the sudden. I am learning more and more about her situation and it makes me wonder if I am in over my head. Then again, mom and I don't communicate very well.

Anyway, I'm just gonna keep going like I'm going. There are a lot of things I want to do with Hyewon, but there just isn't time. Ice skating, water park, kite flying, putt-putt, swing set (I still haven't found any swing sets in SLC). Anyway, my immediate disposition yields that things could be better.

On the other hand, I'm super tired right now, and I have been known to get alittle depressed when it gets this late. Oh gosh. I'm done.

"What the hell, thank you!"

Went to SLCC for what might be the last time ever yesterday. My final average (since I skimped on the last few homework assignments) was 98.5, and that is the grade which I will get on the final.

Today I saw Hyewon and she was exhausted. She has had less sleep than I have and didn't get to sleep in today like I did. Hyewon and mom had some time to hang out alone (on the way to a job interview that mom was helping Hyewon with) and I'm alittle afraid of how what mom said might have misrepresented me. She told me just a few things about the conversation, and I didn't tell her she was wrong for talking to Hyewon like that... but I wonder if I should explain things, and how I would if I did. I'm not gonna worry about it. What's done is done, and if an opportunity comes up, I'll jump on it.

Speaking of opportunities, I need to text Hyewon and ask her if she can still make ice skating. She said there might be a schedule conflict. ... *texting* ...

I am beginning to feel the goodbye in me. I am so close to my trip to Korea. It's in 16 days. I prayed a lot of thanks today, like I hoped I would, and I got cash that I didn't end up spending (ironically, a tenth of my income. I think God reads my blog and opened that up for the offering plate this Sunday). What else..... I talked to Gavin for the first time in a while. It wasn't a great conversation like we've had in the past, but it was about as good as it could be given the time spent and the nothing happening.

Hmmm... I think that's it for today.

"Not estranged to regret; not estranged to what follows our faulty steps"

Today I got a lot done, but I feel like I haven't done anything.

I got a new bank account. I did some research into my "EasyRefund" card thing, scored about 100$, asked Hyewon to go ice skating with me on Wednesday (she's coming, but we might have to reschedule on account of her finals; tba,) worked alittle on Korean, talked to my brother :), learned how to make an Asian-ish-style stirfry (to cook for Hyewon later. I still owe her a home-made dinner,) did lots of work on the computer, including making the switch to Windows 7 Pro, and I did alittle bit of cleaning and organizing.

My brother made an interesting point. He agrees with me that my situation with Hyewon is optimally conducive for us being together, and he also agrees with me that it's risky for me to make any moves. However, he also said that the balance of power in my relationship with Hyewon is crazy leaning toward my side, meaning she might just be going along with things I say because of the situation with her moving in with us and all that. I really hadn't thought of it that way, and tbh, it makes me kinda uncomfortable (like, more than I already am). Dan said, (stressing that he is speaking from a strictly American cultural perspective,) that it's probably a good thing that I've chickened out so many times with Hyewon, and that I might do best to wait till we are in Korea, so that we will be "on her turf" and so that the balance of power will be more level. ... I think he's right, and I honestly feel alittle relieved because that means that maybe I'm not completely dead-beat for following my gut. I've been praying off-and-on for God to make my relationship with her work out in a way which will be the most mutually beneficial, whether we end up together or not.

I think that I was alittle depressed yesterday because of how tired I was. I will have to avoid going so long with so little sleep. However, I'm impressed by how well I managed in the mental instability area. Maybe because I'm not stressed. I don't really remember all the triggers. Then again, I haven't had an episode for almost 2 years, so either I'm overdue or I'm growing out of it.

On another note. I still need to work on my prayer life. I plan to spend some time tonight and tomorrow thanking and praising God. After all, things are going well for me, and I don't want to only pray when they aren't. I'm confident that they are going so well, in part, in answer to prayers which I or others prayed before. Therefore, it's only fitting that I show my gratitude to God somehow. ... I know God likes gifts... maybe I'll do something for Him with that money I got.

"Nobody sees things that way anymore. Just hold your breath a little longer."

I went on that hike yesterday to doughnut falls :D it was awesome. It was about a 30-45 minute hike from the parking lot, and then light rock-climbing up the side of the a waterfall. At the top, there is a cave that we could go in where the water came through a hole in the ceiling. It was just gorgeous. I will be posting some low-Q pics on facebook soon. lol.

After that, we all went to Hyewon's friend's house and had some food. There were 8 people with us, but 6 of us stayed the night. We watched a movie, I learned that the drinking age in Korea is 20, but since they count age starting with 1, it's really 19. I knew that before, but Hyewon told me it was 21 in Korean years so I would have to wait until next year anyways. Interestingly, the average life-span in the RoK is about 1.4 years older than in the USA. It was an interesting party :)
That night, Hyewon and I stayed up alone to watch a Korean movie. I joked with her that it was terrible (because the plot was, in fact, lacking), but it was a fun movie and I enjoyed it a lot. She and a friend of hers slept on a mattress and I slept on the floor nearby. Hyewon tried to steal my pillow a couple times and I got in kindof an awkward hand-fight with her. Every now and then we would end up at a "stand-still" holding hands, and then we'd both half-laugh and pull away. After that, she slept with her hand hanging off the bed towards me, (in a way which seemed rather deliberate) and I really wanted to just grab it and hold it, but I was afraid because of the way we had been pulling away from each other earlier. I still don't know for sure what the outcome of that kind of risk-taking would have been... but she had had a drink and either way I would have felt like I was taking advantage of her somehow. (even though it had been an hour or two since then and it was definitely worn-off by then)... Hyewon and I joked that we have been hanging out for 4 days straight. Today I went to her church, and then she went home and I went home. She isn't with me immediately.

Lindsey texted me a couple times during the time I was with Hyewon. I felt bad because I kept forgetting to check my phone and there would be like an hour in between texts, and Lindsey was obviously alittle nervous about the way the conversation was going. She kept apologizing when I would talk too long to respond. In fact, her most recent text (something about how she thinks working at VBS will help her with "what she wants to do" in the future,) has left me without response, and it's been about 24 hours. I have no idea how to respond. I think I remember her saying she wants to go into child-development when she gets older, so I am not sure if I should ask what she wants to do. Also, I'm not sure if I should respond with something flirty or not, because previously we did nothing but flirt and that's all I know how to do with her, and that conversation wasn't funny. I let slip to Gabi that I wasn't sure if things with Lindsey could go anywhere if we didn't have a serious talk eventually, and Gabi might have said something to Lindsey, but I doubt it because Gabi isn't normally like that. Furthermore, I want to respond with something that will maintain a friendship without allowing that the relationship can go anywhere anymore because... idk.... my heart's just not in it anymore.... but I don't want to hurt Lindsey's feelings.

Mom plans to have the Highschool Bible-study girls over while Hyewon is staying with us. That might prove to be super awkward. Mom says she thinks it would be beneficial for me for Hyewon to see the caliber of girls who are interested in me (because Lindsey and Gabi are pretty great girls). I had a conversation with mom about keeping my relationship issues with me and not intervening with girls on my behalf ever unless absolutely necessary or unless I ask her to (at my own discretion). I've known she had a habit of that ever since early highschool, but I honestly didn't realize just how awkward it was until my senior year, when she talked to Lani's mom for me without telling me. That was a disaster, and, without getting into the circumstances exactly, I played it cool, but probably shouldn't have. That was kindof a wake-up call for me.