Getting to bed on time is like wanting to listen to your favorite song, but not knowing what song that is -- and even if you could guess what you're in the mood for exactly, you don't have access to music at the moment -- and even if you did have access to all the music you wanted and knew what song it was, it's bedtime and your headphones are too bulky for sleeping.

I feel like a person who lives about a half-mile from a fishing hole, and fell in the water on a winter day, and now has to walk home soaking wet with ice forming on my hair, chin, nose, and ears.

Sometimes I wish I had superpowers, but I have to be careful not to daydream and then pretend to have them or everyone would see me and think I'm a lunatic.

I want to feel like the conductor, who shapes into the air with his arms a whirlwind of sound. The conductor feels every rhythm loudly in his chest, and with each powerful gesture he raises and lowers elements of it. He fine-tunes the symphony into an incredible masterpiece of sound and exposition. With his body, he changes music into emotion.

I have thought about lots of things and distracted myself with lots of inanities these past few weeks... but a part of my mind has not even once stopped thinking about Chowon. That is, sometimes I wonder if she has been off my mind at all, but I really think she hasn't. Sometimes when nothing is going on I catch myself replaying her voice in my mind. I'm glad I can remember it so clearly... I miss Chowon a lot.

Sometimes when something is important, even though you want to remember it, you forget it really quickly. Like the color of someone's eyes, or the shape of their face, or the sound of their voice. Right now, I don't really remember if my mom's eyes are blue or brown... facebook... They're blue, just like everyone in my family.

Oh well.

Goodnight.

"This is how I show my love."