Today I thought about changing myself.

I like to think that I have a strong sense of honor and even duty, but not in a normal sense. I'd like to be able to think like the angel in Joshua 5. Joshua says "Are you for us or for our enemies?" and the angel replies: "Neither. I come as the commander of the army of Jehova.". The concept here is really awesome to me. The angel was there to fight for the Israelites, but his allegiance was neither here nor there. He served God only; even when he was helping others he was doing it to serve God, not them. To have that kind of one-tracked mind would be something special.

Duty to men is a useful concept, but I think the goal is to build that into something better -- that is, to elevate our duties. The traditional picture of Honor is very wrapped up in pride, too. Having honor traditionally includes taking revenge on people who dishonor you. This is also a useful concept, but it puts us out of our place. Revenge doesn't belong to us.

But then in history class we talked about Theodore Roosevelt, who had a sense of honor and duty also. However, he also had a strong understanding of the importance of symbolism -- which is something I admittedly lack. A good understanding of symbolism can lead to an exterior which seems very energetic and purposeful. A talented use of symbolism can be used to manipulate people also, and Roosevelt did that in the best way. He struck at business Trusts from the top down, establishing symbolically that the Government was above the businesses. He then supported the miners to show that support is circular. A higher tower has a strong foundation, and he elevated the U.S. government by building up it's workers. He did this carefully, too, so as to expand the governments power without expanding its expenses excessively, and without going "too far" along the Socialist agenda.

So, about changing myself... I should develop a greater sense of symbolism. For example: nice clothes and good presentations of homework symbolically show that I am intelligent, whether I may be or not -- whereas poor clothing and sloppy work might denote academic depravity.

Symbolism is valuable ONLY because people make it valuable. The above example goes against all my instincts, but it's something I should work on to "improve" myself. I still submit that the world would be a much better place if judgments such as are made from symbolism and appearance alone were removed. (and it would)

I really want to do something nice for Chowon, but I feel so limited because of the distance. I'll pray about it.

"But I don't have to wonder."