I can barely keep my eyes open, bracing myself against the new Coldplay album. I love it. As I said I would, I got that and the Triplets of Belleville using my iTunes GC.

I just finished all my homework, and it's 3:14 AM. I started late because I took a nap earlier today, and when I woke up I had to attend a 3-ish hour meeting with AO.

I became inactive with AO today. It means that I still can go to the house and stuff, but I don't pay dues and I'm not required to attend stuff. There are a few reasons why, but I think the house almost expected it from me.

My reasons for leaving the House.....

I'm not sure whether it's the building itself, the idea, or the traditions, or a combination of them -- but I'm going to call it the AO Shell. The people who joined AO got away from the people they were with in search of deeper relationships, a sense of belonging, and a freedom from alien rules (AO has rules, but they are AO's rules, nobody elses). The AO Shell provides protection from rejection -- nobody at AO will reject another member. They might pretend to for a while, but AO is a brotherhood and they stick together. The AO Shell also provides a pretense of value or importance -- The House has moral values hidden behind inane mock traditions. The Bible verses, relevant or not, have the power to give value to the rest of the insanity therein. Some people assign value to the traditions by merit of their being traditions... Having taken Discrete Math, I can't do that.

While singing in Chapel these past few weeks, I've realized that everyone singing and standing is participating in a greater tradition -- one with perfect and unchallengeable value. The people who sing, even those who sing poorly, are a unit. They are jointly preparing for battle and they are saying to God, "We're here and we're for You. Take this time to train and prepare us for the troubled times ahead." When I leave the place of worship I am deafened by the din of battle. I am blinded by temptation and my walls are torn apart and rebuilt daily. I am killed and reborn regularly.

AO doesn't own me. This school doesn't own me. America doesn't own me. These organizations were created by Man to fill a need that either doesn't exist or is terribly misunderstood. My girlfriend; my parents; my brother and sister; my peers; my mentors; my job doesn't own me.

I only belong to one brotherhood, and we convene constantly. Every time I am with God, countless numbers of other people are with me. Many of them are presenting deeper and greater sufferings before His Throne than I might ever experience. These are the people who bring Glory to God. Like Jesus, the martyrs die with God's name on their lips. They are dying while I pray, and I pray that God eases their pain... but AO wastes my time with trivialities. I am a servant to many people, but a slave to God only.

"Is that the only reason?"