Something changed, and I can't know what it is yet. I might find out... I might not.

Being with Chowon, having her nearby and available... I almost took it for granted. It's like she's long distance again, so busy - no phone. I want her next to me. I want to hear her voice and look into her eyes. It's so much harder than I thought it would be: having her and then being apart.

Initially when she left, I almost went into a sort of emotional shock. I couldn't tell what I was feeling for like 4 days. I was so happy, and I was embarrassed or regretful, and I was so so happy, and I miss her, but I was just with her, and I am so enamored, and she was suddenly not here again. I still can't think of anything to say to her when she is here in person. I just want her to be close. We don't even have to touch each other. If she is sitting next to me, I will be happy.

Everything is going so well for me, but I want my situation to be different. I want to be where the grass is greener... on the other side. I want to be a part of a church where people love and respect God. I want to be done with all the work, and I want my family and Chowon nearby.

"This is for you."