Things have changed.

I wish I had more ideas for things to draw. I want to draw more....

I wish artists and poets made money... I think I'd much rather write poetry than anything else. I remember there was a time when I was younger that I wanted to just be a travelling poet; poor and homeless, living on my faith and my hope and whatever food I can find wherever. I think it's possible to do that, and it would be hard, I know. The issue is just giving up what I have. I think I have so much, and it would be a waste to turn back and give it all away.

Does God call us to give everything we have to the poor so that we can live a life separate from earthly treasure -- solely devoted to him? Isn't that what he wants from us? It's the right thing, but I know it's the wrong thing. ... well, is it really the wrong thing? "Of course!" But what if it is the perfect thing to do, always right no matter who you are or your situation? What if we have been trained by society and normalcy to believe that it's a bad idea? But we don't really belong to this society and world anyway. The Bible tells us over and over that we are not of the world (John 2:15-17,John 17:11-16,1Corinthians 9:19-23), and that the things of this world are not to be desired because they will pass away, where the love of God and the good that we do for others will last forever. When we give up those things, and give them to the least of men -- good people or bad people, we give directly to God, and what greater gift can we give than "all that we have"?

Then... what if our talent is something we have to pay money to develop for the purpose of serving God with what he has given us? Where do you balance earning, saving and giving?

We, Christians, are not normal. People look at us and wonder what's real and what's not. When people see hypocrisy in the Church, they are driven to hate or to distance themselves from what is good in life (wisdom, contentment and a clean conscience, as opposed to what is "desirable" --wealth, immorality, whatever). When people decide to fight the existence of a deity or supernatural creation, they tailor their arguments to fight Christianity. People look at us and wonder if we "think" we're so good when we really aren't.... I really hate conversion stories that depict people who have turned away from every addiction completely upon meeting God. They are misleading to people who will become Christian and continue to struggle... Loving God despite hardship was never meant to be easy...

I've got a story to tell you guys about listening to multiple songs at once, but I'll save it for later.

"The most beautiful song"