I'm feeling grouchy this evening. Today I had a plan; something I usually avoid having just because of days like today. I would wake early, have breakfast, see the fam, check my email, and when Gwen went down for a nap I would play the new zombie map and relax, and then do homework when she woke. Well, I got to eat breakfast, but I stayed awake too late last night, so I was trying to nap, but then I had to change a flat tire. When I changed it I got in my email check, but when Gwen went down for the nap we went out to put the car in the shop before I'd play zombies, but I forgot to put up the wire-fence thing that keeps up the spare, so that got all bent out of shape when I backed out and I had to tie it up before I could go and so by the time I got back, Gwen was awake. Then my homework was way way more difficult than I thought, and it took me until dinner to get halfway done. When I was done, it was about 9:00, and Dan had played zombies without me and didn't want to play it anymore, so we played TDM, which I absolutely suck at. Then we watched half a movie, I copied some Bible, and I went to bed.

Really, it wasn't so bad; my plan just didn't go the way I wanted to so I never got to play zombies. Maybe my homework was the worst part, because it was really really bad for homework. Oh well. Tomorrow I don't have school, so I can play some extra zombies and make up for it. Then on Saturday I get to talk to Chowon^^* and on Sunday I get to go to church. For some reason, I'm looking forward to it this week more than usual. Maybe it will be a good Sunday, just like the pendulum swings.

"Hey... would you make me a waffle?"

Sleep, eat, do homework, take a walk, play video games, sleep.

Some guys at a local TaeKwonDo school said I might be able to work for them for minimum wage about 8 hours a week lololol. I think I'll try to get the job.

Tomorrow I want to wake up early, but it's 1:30am and I'm up blogging.

I found some child prodigy online named something something. ... Hold on I'll get that name again. ... Adora Svitak. She's a genius. She wrote some books, and now she's teaching at universities, and she's like 9 years old. She wrote a real thoughtful article about apathy. Similar to the one's I wrote back in the day, but of course hers was better and in a way more positive. I asked if she ever thought people brushed off her ideas as "cute" (because she's a cute little kid) but no response yet.

Beth just told me to listen to i-dose. I'm tryin it out. kinda weird. I'll end with that.

"having a really hard time thinking of quotes with this noise in my head."

I don't want to go to sleep. I don't want to stay awake. I got on Skype for some reason, right before I would go to bed. Chowon is on, and I said "hi" and now I feel like I have to wait a while for a response before I go to bed. I figure if she responds before I finish this blog, then we'll talk. If not, I'll go to bed and call it a miss.

I have to do some school tomorrow, and I still haven't watched my 20min school video for today. I've heard that it's a good idea to do that kind of thing right before bed because you process info better while you go to sleep. ... I'll start the video while I blog. My music just ended anyway.

I got that exam in the mail today :D

Oh goodness. This video is going to be complicated and I am in no condition to take notes.

The derivative of f with respect to s, sub "u,p0", is equal to the gradient of f dot the vector u, which also equals the length of the gradient of f times cosine theta.

Jess is into some guy now. Dan is impressed by the "speed-date" he stole on the phone, during which I understand that the guy either shmoozed powerfully, or was awesome... or..both?

I got Windows Ultimate. Hooray! Actually, I only got it because I discovered that post sp1, the ability to read foreign languages (but not necessarily the ability to type them) is no longer professional.

Tomorrow the new zombie map comes out X)

But if we look at the equation z=l(x,y) we see that it is the equation for a two dimensional plane in three dimensional space, with a normal vector of n=-fx(x0,y0)i-fy(x0,y0)j+k

"Thinking more and more"

So I've thought about it a lot.... and given the circumstances, I think I'll be a little more bold.

I like these lyrics:

______________

I know I should go,
but I want to stay here with you,
in this room, I can tell
you'll never be all mine

never mine

ok

I know you have to go,
but I want to keep you to myself,
like a dream, I can tell
you'll never be all mine

_____________________

....Maybe I just like the way the song sounds....

My sister is here now^^ it feels so good to have all three of us together.

I shouldn't stay awake, but I don't want to go to bed. ...

"Byeeeeee"

So, I got the idea to try "chatroulette" from a SouthPark episode. I'm trying it while I type this. The website is kindof a graveyard. Bad idea overall. (but interesting website concept). Also it kindof burns out my router rather quickly. However, I did have an interesting conversation with two people online. One from "Mississippi", the other from "South Carolina".

The internet is a crazy place.

So I think I've pretty much become aware of the all the worst parts of America. I don't mean recently, but as a whole during my lifetime. Whether it was the freaky stuff going on in Dugway households (which I can't really post here, and that I never should have known anyway), or the freaky stuff going on in Pennsylvania (which was even filtered), or the stuff on the internet, or the stuff in Texas, or the stuff which I just happen to know is everywhere. I have a really desolate view of the U.S.A.. It's kindof like when a person first realizes that they are about to step into "The World" where all their parents' work will be put to the test. Schools all our lives tell us that we "can make a difference" and when confronted with the sudden limitlessness of options available a person can feel the weight of the world on their shoulders. You can't solve world hunger. You almost definitely won't become president. You get seasick too easily to become an astronaut. People are raped and murdered for petty reasons every second in parts of the world and there is NOTHING that you can do about it. ... Nothing. Unless you feel led by God to make a difference in one, or even two small towns, your only option is to send some money so that someone else can do the dirty work for you. How can you live in this world when you make such an insignificant contribution to the good in it?

The answer is difficult, but somehow people manage to live relatively happy lives. Maybe because we choose not to dwell on the terror in the world; but is that the same as ignoring it? The Bible teaches us in Philippians 4:8 to think about good stuff. I think that somewhere in the transition to adulthood a person realizes the harsh reality of their hopelessness, and chooses to forget about it for as long as they can. Living may be hopeless, but suicide is childish. So we each have to justify our existence somehow to keep from being overcome by it. My justification is that God wants us to learn to love before we die. That is, God wants us to learn to feel his love, and to be kind to others so that they will want to come to him as well. That doesn't mean to love certain sins. For example: I still assert that homosexuality is wrong, but honestly I don't care if a practicing homosexual wants to be Christian. Let him! Will he lead YOU astray? The only thing that can come of it is that he will eventually, on his or God's own terms, learn the right way.

The key phrase is: "love the sinner, not the sin".

ETA more chatroulette... maybe I have another blog to read soon^^

God's angels will fight without me while I sleep.

Today I was pretty tired all day. I don't know why I haven't gone to sleep yet. I have a quiz tomorrow, but I think it'll be an easier one. Dan and I haven't gotten the Wonder Waffle Easter-egg on Call of the Dead yet, but we intend to before the next map-pack comes out. We've been working on this for a while, and each time we get closer than last time, but we always do something wrong somewhere in there. Oh well.

I've organized all my games and movies on the external drive. Thinking it will be a little easier next semester for people to get stuff.

Piano practice has been something like once-a-week. I have an electric in the basement but it's an octave or two short. My practices are limited to what I already know. There's so much music I want to learn.... Maybe I can learn all of it when I am finished with college and have my own job.... Sometimes I sit and hope about the future. Someday... I'll finish work, take care of the kids for an hour or so while the mrs takes a break, play on my very own in-tune grand piano for an hour or so, eat with the fam, chill(or something) with the fam, kids to bed, sit on the couch and talk or watch a movie.... Someday that will be my evening^^

Chris just Facebook messaged me! Good to hear from him. Not good timing.

"I'll text you."

Just got off the phone with Chowon.

The gradient vector (gradient) of f(x,y) at a point P = (x0, y0) is the vector.... obtained by evaluating the partial derivatives of f at P.

I have to watch this video before I go to bed.

Sometimes I wish I had a lot of money.

I'm only half paying attention here......

[gradient](2xy-3y^2)@P(5,5)=10i-20j

I'm still waiting for some of those more grouchy formulas from chapter 15.1 to come back and bite me. I wonder if they'll just sit ominously in the back of my notebook for this entire class... never to be found in another application.

Video's over.

Chowon wants us to do a Bible study together via shared notes and regular checkups, and I'm pretty excited about it^^ It's gonna be one of those tough things to keep going, but I think we'll do it. I need to send her my mailing address....

The baby is here and is super adorable. Her name is Lainey Ann Slade. I got to hold her a little bit and it was just mesmerizing every time she moved or made a noise while in my arms. At one point, she reached her hand forward and I put my thumb in it and she grabbed it and held on for a while; she has a tight little grip for a baby^^ Can't wait to see this one grow up^^

Dan says he feels a little bad because he wants to spend more time with me and Steph and Gwen and now Lainey. I think he's doing his best and being a great Dad. I think that the fact that he feels bad about it just means that he's going to turn things out awesomely by trying to fix that. I still pray for him as often as I think to.

"Always."