So I've thought about it a lot.... and given the circumstances, I think I'll be a little more bold.

I like these lyrics:

______________

I know I should go,
but I want to stay here with you,
in this room, I can tell
you'll never be all mine

never mine

ok

I know you have to go,
but I want to keep you to myself,
like a dream, I can tell
you'll never be all mine

_____________________

....Maybe I just like the way the song sounds....

My sister is here now^^ it feels so good to have all three of us together.

I shouldn't stay awake, but I don't want to go to bed. ...

"Byeeeeee"

So, I got the idea to try "chatroulette" from a SouthPark episode. I'm trying it while I type this. The website is kindof a graveyard. Bad idea overall. (but interesting website concept). Also it kindof burns out my router rather quickly. However, I did have an interesting conversation with two people online. One from "Mississippi", the other from "South Carolina".

The internet is a crazy place.

So I think I've pretty much become aware of the all the worst parts of America. I don't mean recently, but as a whole during my lifetime. Whether it was the freaky stuff going on in Dugway households (which I can't really post here, and that I never should have known anyway), or the freaky stuff going on in Pennsylvania (which was even filtered), or the stuff on the internet, or the stuff in Texas, or the stuff which I just happen to know is everywhere. I have a really desolate view of the U.S.A.. It's kindof like when a person first realizes that they are about to step into "The World" where all their parents' work will be put to the test. Schools all our lives tell us that we "can make a difference" and when confronted with the sudden limitlessness of options available a person can feel the weight of the world on their shoulders. You can't solve world hunger. You almost definitely won't become president. You get seasick too easily to become an astronaut. People are raped and murdered for petty reasons every second in parts of the world and there is NOTHING that you can do about it. ... Nothing. Unless you feel led by God to make a difference in one, or even two small towns, your only option is to send some money so that someone else can do the dirty work for you. How can you live in this world when you make such an insignificant contribution to the good in it?

The answer is difficult, but somehow people manage to live relatively happy lives. Maybe because we choose not to dwell on the terror in the world; but is that the same as ignoring it? The Bible teaches us in Philippians 4:8 to think about good stuff. I think that somewhere in the transition to adulthood a person realizes the harsh reality of their hopelessness, and chooses to forget about it for as long as they can. Living may be hopeless, but suicide is childish. So we each have to justify our existence somehow to keep from being overcome by it. My justification is that God wants us to learn to love before we die. That is, God wants us to learn to feel his love, and to be kind to others so that they will want to come to him as well. That doesn't mean to love certain sins. For example: I still assert that homosexuality is wrong, but honestly I don't care if a practicing homosexual wants to be Christian. Let him! Will he lead YOU astray? The only thing that can come of it is that he will eventually, on his or God's own terms, learn the right way.

The key phrase is: "love the sinner, not the sin".

ETA more chatroulette... maybe I have another blog to read soon^^

God's angels will fight without me while I sleep.

Today I was pretty tired all day. I don't know why I haven't gone to sleep yet. I have a quiz tomorrow, but I think it'll be an easier one. Dan and I haven't gotten the Wonder Waffle Easter-egg on Call of the Dead yet, but we intend to before the next map-pack comes out. We've been working on this for a while, and each time we get closer than last time, but we always do something wrong somewhere in there. Oh well.

I've organized all my games and movies on the external drive. Thinking it will be a little easier next semester for people to get stuff.

Piano practice has been something like once-a-week. I have an electric in the basement but it's an octave or two short. My practices are limited to what I already know. There's so much music I want to learn.... Maybe I can learn all of it when I am finished with college and have my own job.... Sometimes I sit and hope about the future. Someday... I'll finish work, take care of the kids for an hour or so while the mrs takes a break, play on my very own in-tune grand piano for an hour or so, eat with the fam, chill(or something) with the fam, kids to bed, sit on the couch and talk or watch a movie.... Someday that will be my evening^^

Chris just Facebook messaged me! Good to hear from him. Not good timing.

"I'll text you."

Just got off the phone with Chowon.

The gradient vector (gradient) of f(x,y) at a point P = (x0, y0) is the vector.... obtained by evaluating the partial derivatives of f at P.

I have to watch this video before I go to bed.

Sometimes I wish I had a lot of money.

I'm only half paying attention here......

[gradient](2xy-3y^2)@P(5,5)=10i-20j

I'm still waiting for some of those more grouchy formulas from chapter 15.1 to come back and bite me. I wonder if they'll just sit ominously in the back of my notebook for this entire class... never to be found in another application.

Video's over.

Chowon wants us to do a Bible study together via shared notes and regular checkups, and I'm pretty excited about it^^ It's gonna be one of those tough things to keep going, but I think we'll do it. I need to send her my mailing address....

The baby is here and is super adorable. Her name is Lainey Ann Slade. I got to hold her a little bit and it was just mesmerizing every time she moved or made a noise while in my arms. At one point, she reached her hand forward and I put my thumb in it and she grabbed it and held on for a while; she has a tight little grip for a baby^^ Can't wait to see this one grow up^^

Dan says he feels a little bad because he wants to spend more time with me and Steph and Gwen and now Lainey. I think he's doing his best and being a great Dad. I think that the fact that he feels bad about it just means that he's going to turn things out awesomely by trying to fix that. I still pray for him as often as I think to.

"Always."

I'm kinda stuck in this "take turns" idea, but I sometimes wonder if I should skip ahead for the sake of pursuit.

Sometimes I wonder whether a reader could guess at what I'm talking about. Maybe I should try to be more clear.

Today was homework homework homework. Then I came upstairs to chill with the fam, but after having sat and done homework for like 5 hours I didn't have the energy to move around much. I just wanted to take a nap. I felt like I'd just gotten off of a plane or out of a long car ride. I played some cards, watched some movie, ate some food, and we made a camp fire in the back yard^^

I'm looking at smartphones, but honestly I don't know where to start.

People expect me to know about the latest hardware and gadgets because I want to work with computers. Honestly, name-brands and their products don't matter to me. What am I going to do with detailed information about a hundred more products I can't afford, only to have to learn about newer, more expensive products next year? and I feel like being able to use some of that in conversation would ruin my self image. I just want to know how the dang things work. I can derive and integrate the head off your shoulders, but ask me to tell you the make and model of any component in my computer (which I *did* build myself, but still) and you're out of luck.

... oh hey! Chowon's online!

"The plot? Someone has a gun and a car and needs to kill some people to save something."

ETA

AAAAAAaAAAAAAA right when I posted that, Steph and Dan ran down and got in the car to go to the hospital. ~~baby is coming~~~~~~ ^^***********

Today was lots of work, and then some fun, and then some more work, and then some more fun and some talking with Chowon, and then a shower, and then sleep.

We painted and furnished the attic all day, preparing it for my mom. She's here now, but the baby isn't. The baby could decide it's time to leave Steph any minute, so we're all on our toes and Dan has a plan for if Steph goes into labor down.

Got some CUTE pics of Gwen today. I'll post them on facebook later.

God made time for me today, even though it was just a little bit, and filled me with hope. God, if you read these, you're the best.

Today I realized that the Bible would be a really good book if it wasn't so hard to read. Maybe it'd just be a really long book, because they don't tend to repeat themselves much when it comes to cool little details that bear repeating, like how Lot made it out on a prayer from that one guy in two stories which have slightly unrelated morals (how's that for a summary?!). I suppose someone could try rewriting the whole thing in contemporary fun-to-read language.... oh wait....

Jehova's witnesses were supposed to come argue with us today, but we were in the attic and didn't hear the doorbell ring. Oh well, they'll be back.

"Christ went down on Easter morning. Mother Mary went down to see it. 'Gotta tell my disciples to meet me in galilee.' Who's that writing? John the revelator."

Finished the first exam. It went pretty well. Painted the shed. Still have to nail those boards on and paint them, too. I want to move up to the attic, but it's nicer than the basement, and I think mom might stress out and try to solve world hunger if she has to live down here. There are some bugs that come out at night that won't bother you if you don't get in their way, and the stink bugs generally stay in one place until the light comes back on so I only have to hit one off the bed every so often and then turn out the light and it won't come back (afaict). Otherwise, though, the basement naturally stays at a more stable temperature than the rest of the house. It cools off at night, but is warmer than the rest of the house until noon, then it's cooler than the rest of the house. Scratching the dog makes my hand smell like dog, so I feel like I have to wash my hands before I touch anything after petting the dog *wrinkles face*.

"The entire argument was flawed, because uniqueness was with us all along."