Back to school. Lots to think about this semester. I'm not gonna make much money this year, because work hours have been cut back to like... 14/wk. Lets see... 14*8.50=119/wk ... *15wks = 1785. I will make approximately $1785 this semester, not including expenses.

Today was communion. Sometimes I don't know how to feel when I'm taking it. That is, should I feel super remorseful, or should I feel happy that my sins are forgiven? What does reverence feel like? Then, whenever I start asking myself those questions, I start to think: "maybe I should be asking 'who should I be when I take communion?' instead of 'how should I feel?'" But then... what are the implications of that? Essentially that I'm not that person when I'm not taking communion, right? ... Well, the person I should be when I'm taking communion is the same type of person I should be all the time. But what is my problem that keeps me from being a perfect Christian if it is what I really want to be? What is the glitch in my thought process that keeps me from reaching the fullest potential of my relationship with Christ? Sometimes I wish that someone would come up and tell me exactly what it is, but how would I respond if they did?

Idk. I'm so tired.

Today I saw a girl at LeTU who looked a lot like Chowon from a certain angle. Like, behind and a little to the side. She had long, straight, black hair; she was about Chowon's height and was thin and had Chowon's forward posture; and from that angle it seemed that the shape of her Cheekbones was similar to Chowon's. For a moment I hoped against reason, so strongly, that she would turn around and be Chowon, that I almost believed it would be her. Like as if she came here to surprise me and was being taken around by some LeTourneau students I didn't know. I could see her in my mind, turning her head and smiling at me beautifully with the sun skimming her hair and face. Nevertheless, she turned around and was not Chowon at all. For just an instant I was really let-down, but then I checked myself and thought how ridiculous it was to think she was here. It made me miss Chowon a lot.

"Rosin Flux is the only type you should use for this kind of work."

Bought Chowon's ticket :D It's so good to have that out of the way. I still have some money left over.

Chowon and I have been talking a lot these days. I wish we had this kind of contact during the school year when we are apart, too. I hope we can keep it up.

I got Minecraft, and I am learning redstone so it's pretty cool. I think I want another monitor....

Just watched the first episode of Psych. It was interesting -- very funny. I wonder how possible it is to make a person like that (as a parent to a child) while keeping a good relationship with them.

I got a new notebook, too. Excited to write in it :) Only one note so far.

I feel like I have fewer questions these days, because it seems as though none of the deepest questions really matter. Take, for example, the origin and reason for our existence. Who was there when the earth was created? We can scour the universe for evidence, measure the substance of every rock on the planet, and carefully sort every organism by its genotype, but we will still have just theories. Those theories will carry no more weight than 'creation' for those who don't believe, and besides, creation fits all of the theories anyway.

If it is imaginable, it is measurable. Just because something has a measurable probability doesn't mean it is possible, and even things with a probability of 1 have failed. Therefore we have people like Stephen Hawking who waste their lives disparately looking for an explanation of the universe which doesn't need God. Say he finds one that satisfies him: religious types will still believe their religions. There are no atheist prophets or missionaries. If an atheist is truly an atheist then his ideologies dictate that he must not care about the existence of religion inasmuch as religion doesn't hurt him (or his kids if you wanna argue that atheists can religiously care about the continuance of their seed). Because if there is no God then successful reproduction is philosophically our only reason for living, and happiness (esp in its most intense form, which most easily leads us to drugs and sex... right?) is our only reason for staying alive. Therefore if an atheist actively attacks any peaceful or local religion, then he must have reason to believe that his happiness depends directly or indirectly on thoughts which other people have about things which pertain not to him -- but that is illogical. [For my purposes, the Christian church has not always been peaceful, but I think its safe to say that it has been ever since Protestantism became acknowledged by the Catholics. It's not worth arguing for this point. Sorry if you had a bad experience with a Christian, but try a church in another town... or take a tally of churches who are out for your blood and churches who are kind to you and prove me wrong.]

There are much greater nuisances which a person can care to remove from his life as a whole than a religious person trying to witness to him, unless he doesn't like to think about why he's alive or what's going to happen when he dies -- in which case he's probably already depressed, especially if he's trying to fight the religion to solve this problem. It's a failing strategy for achieving happiness, and it's a weird way to gain a partner to keep your genes in the pool.

Allow me to propose a different explanation for this odd trend: transference, projection, conviction, denial, or any combination of the above. Atheists fight Christianity just because "they don't like it".

Wow I got really off topic...

Anyway the point was gonna be that even if you prove one way or another about the way the earth was made, nothing about the way you live your life is gonna change.

Wow, it's getting really late and I'm really tired. Night~

"Don't give me no lip."

Chowon is back from Malaysia :)

These days I nervously wonder what I will do when school starts.

I want to take some marriage counselling, so I can know what to think about, what to be ready for, and how to be when the time comes.

Sometimes I have really great ideas of stuff to do, and sometimes I don't.

Expunction is on its way. That's comforting :)

Not really much else to write about. I think I've been able to express most of my thoughts verbally to people these days, so there's nothing that I want to blog now...

Oh well.

"I love you"