it's been pretty hard, like, i can feel my lungs contract sometimes I want to talk so bad, but I don't say anything. Ironically, some people who I have really wanted to talk to have been around, and I haven't been able to talk to them because of my vow of silence, and after not having talked to them in so long and them not really knowing about this silence thing, it just feels exceedingly awkward to try to start conversation. On the other hand, I have decided that some of my social endeavors were selfish to begin with, and that I am a total jerk. I have ceased to pursue those and do not plan on continuing unless God makes it clear to me that it is his will or somehow in some weird way, idek. God knows. My roommate is just getting out of the shower right now. He will probably be up for a while, or else I would be in bed hahaha.
on another note,
Korean lesson was good. It felt weird. I could feel my voice vibrating my bones every time I said anything. Now another week until I get to have a verbal conversation with anyone but God. I recently learned that traditionally, you don't have to stick to your vows on Sundays for lent. -- yet another reason why one hour a week for Korean lessons isn't a bad thing. I am not giving up my vows on Sunday. The original rules I established are still in effect.
scheduled a day for piano lesson, still need to get in touch with guitar teacher, still haven't scheduled first trombone meeting. (probably will nix trombone lessons. sorry, bud.)
I am looking into tandem skydiving for this summer. It would cost around 200 per person, but if I make like 4000 during half the summer, I can spot three people for the ride and still have plenty leftover. So far, I have a few people in mind. I guess I will look at that when I get around to looking at that. I emailed a skydiving biz, and they haven't emailed back yet.... whatever :)
Well, midterms are real soon. Dear God, I could really use some help. I have studied, but I am having a really difficult time learning the material, and the practice tests which Dr. Baas gives us for COSC are not only worthless as far as points go, but are outrageously long and do not tell you which answers you got right or wrong.
Remind me to remind Shane to call ShlitterBan (some kind of water park) tomorrow.
Oh, a thought. This is totally random and kinda irrelevant, but I was just thinking about how some people today say that God doesn't do all the cool miracles that he used to anymore. Maybe he doesn't. and anyway, I have heard, on occasion, people cite several different things they wish God would do to help them and everyone else believe. Things like "come talk to us in person" or whatever. I heard an interesting story starting in Luke 16:22, and if you read that you will understand why it got me thinking about this and I still haven't gotten to the point yet. So, what if God did all those things in the old testament, all the different miracles, and still his people turned to worshiping golden cows instead of him and still people turned corrupt and so on. What if he did all that in a way to plan ahead. He knew that he was going to get it all on paper someday, but it had to happen first. Like, so that people will know "I DID try that. I tried EVERYTHING and you guys still don't believe. For that matter, I even tried making you guys without a sin nature in the garden of eden and you still sinned!" just to emphasize that Jesus is for realsly the only way out. We can't of our own power escape sin, no matter how hard we try. We can't sit and wait for God to show himself to us in some crazy awesome way. He has already tried that with plenty of people, and it didn't work.
So, I don't entirely know where I was initially going with that... maybe I got there, maybe not.
I am incredibly tired right now. I am gonna go freshen up and get to bed. Nighty night.
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