Friday, July 20, 2018

Me and Chowon did our first "GRE Study Day" this past Wednesday. It was a lot more fun than I expected. The test study book recommended that I get some study prompts from their website and try to write about them within the 30 minute time limit. It normally takes me about 45 minutes to write, check, and become content with a blog. I think that snuggling and reading together (such as we did on GRE Study Day) is my favorite thing to do, but it seems like we rarely have the capacity to do it. My eyes are usually too tired to read a book.

Over the past week or two, there have been several instances where I thought of something that I really wanted to blog about, but I haven't had time for it. Today I'm blogging while Chowon hangs out on the couch. Usually I blog while she's asleep or when I'm out alone somewhere... but I really don't have any time these days to do stress-reducing activities alone. 

That's not to say that I'm feeling stressed in a totally negative way or anything. I mean, I am stressed, but I think there are several kinds of stress, some better or worse than others. There's physical stress; stress from lack of sleep or time; stress from worry; or stress from significant loss. These days it seems like I have exactly enough time to do everything that I absolutely need to do in a day, and no more. (I'm including the valuable time I spend with Chowon in that "need to do"). I have been getting about 6 hours of sleep, before subtracting interruptions, which is very tolerable, and I could get more if I decided not to decompress at the end of the day with a show or something (usually about 40 minutes). I make up for that sleep on the weekend anyway. I'm usually subject to about 5 minutes of involuntary meditation before I can get out of bed, and it gets longer if I am more tired. These days I'm at about 10-20 minutes of straightening out my thoughts between sitting up and standing up. I feel stressed because I think that if I treat my day as if I have time to spare, then I'll miss out on something important, and right now everything is very important.

I used to listen to all kinds of music to feel cool while I did stuff. Now I feel like I don't have enough energy to feel cool, and I don't want much music that doesn't encourage me and help me relax. So that leaves me with basically just calm Christian music. I'm listening to some of my brother's recommendations: hillsong, housefires, etc.. It's all good stuff.

I usually don't sit down and blog just to write about my life or my day. Usually I have a message to give or something long that I want to say, but I can't think of anyone who I suppose would be terribly interested in listening to all of it. Over this past week, I wrote a poem, adding to it a little every day during my morning meditation. Since I suppose things should be named, I call this one "Lamppost".

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I am a lamppost dimly flickering
Passersby might lose their way
Lamplighter, I see you coming
in the light of the other lamps
You will make me bright again

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and I heard a song with an excellent verse (this is by Young Oceans):

"I've been gasping for a breath
In a torrent of ambition
I'm drowning but I'm thirsty
And this river, this river is deep but it's dry"

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