Over the past week or two, there have been several instances where I thought of something that I really wanted to blog about, but I haven't had time for it. Today I'm blogging while Chowon hangs out on the couch. Usually I blog while she's asleep or when I'm out alone somewhere... but I really don't have any time these days to do stress-reducing activities alone.
That's not to say that I'm feeling stressed in a totally negative way or anything. I mean, I am stressed, but I think there are several kinds of stress, some better or worse than others. There's physical stress; stress from lack of sleep or time; stress from worry; or stress from significant loss. These days it seems like I have exactly enough time to do everything that I absolutely need to do in a day, and no more. (I'm including the valuable time I spend with Chowon in that "need to do"). I have been getting about 6 hours of sleep, before subtracting interruptions, which is very tolerable, and I could get more if I decided not to decompress at the end of the day with a show or something (usually about 40 minutes). I make up for that sleep on the weekend anyway. I'm usually subject to about 5 minutes of involuntary meditation before I can get out of bed, and it gets longer if I am more tired. These days I'm at about 10-20 minutes of straightening out my thoughts between sitting up and standing up. I feel stressed because I think that if I treat my day as if I have time to spare, then I'll miss out on something important, and right now everything is very important.
I used to listen to all kinds of music to feel cool while I did stuff. Now I feel like I don't have enough energy to feel cool, and I don't want much music that doesn't encourage me and help me relax. So that leaves me with basically just calm Christian music. I'm listening to some of my brother's recommendations: hillsong, housefires, etc.. It's all good stuff.
I usually don't sit down and blog just to write about my life or my day. Usually I have a message to give or something long that I want to say, but I can't think of anyone who I suppose would be terribly interested in listening to all of it. Over this past week, I wrote a poem, adding to it a little every day during my morning meditation. Since I suppose things should be named, I call this one "Lamppost".
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I am a lamppost dimly flickering
Passersby might lose their way
Lamplighter, I see you coming
in the light of the other lamps
You will make me bright again
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and I heard a song with an excellent verse (this is by Young Oceans):
"I've been gasping for a breath
In a torrent of ambition
I'm drowning but I'm thirsty
And this river, this river is deep but it's dry"
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