Dan got that gate up on his fence. And while he was doing that with Al, I finished putting the fence up on the fence, and then we got him new wipers and a new rear-view for the bu. Still more work to do. There's always something that needs done, and the atmosphere here is like "there only this much and then we'll be done" but I have a feeling there will always be something else. I'll do my best and knock out as much as I can while I'm here. The work here is like Tetris. It needs you to be organized or else it will stack up, there isn't a lot of time, and nobody is sure if it will ever end -- just get's faster and faster; especially since Steph is pregnant again.
They keep saying "we're gonna do the attic" but I don't think anyone really knows how we're going to do the next step. Before we move people in we have to put up the drywall. Before we put up the drywall we need to put up an insulation vent. Before we put in the vent, we need to figure out vent prices. Before we figure out vent prices, we need to figure out how much money we have. Before we figure out how much money we have, we need to figure out vents. And be fore we do anything, we need to find a place to put all the crap that's presently in the attic. But since we don't know about that, let's paint the shed. But before we paint the shed, we should replace the rotten wood. But where's the rotten wood and how will we replace it and how much does that cost?
It's kinda mind-boggling. I'm amazed that Dan and Steph can keep it so well kept in their heads. I guess it's their life, and I have enough to think about without remembering the details of their life. I'll cross bridges as they come to me.
Chowon's voice is in the back of my head all the time. It's an encouraging thing to have someone to think about and to look forward to talking to. I think God made us with holes that he would not fill. We are taught to be totally content with Him, but didn't he create Eve because Adam, even in his perfect state, was unfulfilled by God alone?
Yesterday for some reason I caught myself imagining what I'd say to Lani. It was totally random. but.... I made that promise that before I got engaged I'd give us a second chance. She made it, too. Am I released from that? I think I'll just save some money, look for a break and a hotel room and a rental car and go out to Alabama for a weekend and throw the chance up in the air; some ridiculous offer like "if we are to have anything, you'll have to wait for two years." She has a boyfriend and everything, but she made the promise just as much as me. I bet she doesn't remember it.... Idk, I can't see myself making a promise and throwing it away like that. I don't want Lani. I want someone I can travel the world with on a whim... and someone who won't find someone else when I'm not around. I just... have to cut my ties so I can erase her from my memory. Once I've fulfilled that promise, I intend to erase all my contacts with her. They feel like unfulfillable obligations sitting at the edge of my facebook page whenever she comes up as a recommended something or other; sitting on the edge of my cell phone whenever I look up a friend who's name starts with "L" -- I can't get rid of her while I have a promise on my back, and it feels awkward to talk to her.
What a waste of emotion.
"Thanks for saying I'm a priority"
